(Closed) Telling family they aren’t invited

posted 9 years ago in Encore
Post # 3
161 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ughhhhh the dreaded guest list:)  Can the venue size be a help at all?  MY FI’s mom wanted to invite everyone she’s ever met and we were able to say that the venue only held X number of people so we needed to start cutting the lists down.

If the venue can’t help, you might try putting other perameters on the list (time since you’ve seen or talked to family member, how close you feel, etc). 

It’s important to remember that usually the reason families want EVERYONE invited is because they’re so excited about the marriage- so even if the conversation doesn’t go well, remember that it could be worse…. they could not want ANYONE to know about the wedding/be invited:)

Post # 4
4822 posts
Honey bee

The other way is to make a standard rule, like only Aunts and Uncles so if someone happens to be a cousin or some other relation, you can just say you are sorry, but that was the line you had to draw due to venue and budget constraints. 

Post # 5
375 posts
Helper bee

I was worried about this, myself, as we want a small (50 or less) wedding and I’ve got too much family for that under normal circumstances (and the aunts and cousins are all on Mom’s side and live in a small town: invite one and not another and it’s hurt feelings all around).

We put a rule into place: Immediate family and friends, only. And when I mentioned it in passing to Mom the other day she didn’t even flinch so I got off easy.

But it will help, later on down the line, if someone asks (via Facebook or calls Mom) to be able to say “It’s a small wedding, just immediate family and friends.” 

So I’d suggest you place a line at some level of the family tree and not deviate from it. 

Post # 6
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I am have a very similar situation.  I grew up out of state, since everyone one came to the first go round it was very easy for me to tell everyone one it really is going to be a very tiny wedding – 25 guests.  Our children, the spouses, girl friends etc , my parents and the bible study class where we met (15 people).  he on the other hand grew up here and has never left the area.  Last year for his birthday  we had a party and ONLY family on his side was invited -84 people!!  His parent are no longer alive so we said kids and the people who, in a way, introduced at the bible study.  So far so one has said anything, at least not to our faces.  The chapel where we are getting married  has only seats for 12, standing room for 30.  So we simply tell people we are having a very small wedding the chapel only sits 12 and don’t go any further.  We are also not doing a dinner or dance, just cake and wine. So we also add that the whole thing will probably last about 2 hours tops, which is true.  So bascially i am using the venue to our advantage – BIG TIME!

Post # 7
780 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

We are also keeping our wedding size small.  The issue isn’t with his family- it is with mine…  I am simply telling folks that we are have a very small wedding since we are an encore couple.

Post # 8
8 posts
  • Wedding: August 2012

I wish I could make it open to all of my family (his family is very small) but we just can’t afford it. Unfortunately, our families are scattered far and wide, so it’s not like I could even have a casual family potluck picnic to make up for not inviting people to the ceremony.  But if everyone kind of lived in the general area- that’s what I would do- I’d have everyone get together on a summer afternoon at the park and everyone bring a dish to pass.


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