(Closed) Telling MOH She's Not in the Wedding

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

@ShabbyChicBee:  …How would you look to have her standing up with you after what she did…?

Like a gracious and forgiving friend, sure, she duped you, and it was over money and that’s shitty….but desperate people do shitty stuff to survive.

If she apologized and did what she could to make it right, what else is there?

You said yourself you aren’t mad anymore…so why add to this melodrama by tossing her out of your wedding party?

What do you accomplish by doing that? 

Post # 4
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@ShabbyChicBee:  Quite honestly if you don’t care if you don’t talk anymore then just tell her shes out and be honest with her plain and simple. 

Post # 5
2287 posts
Buzzing bee

If the payments bounced back into her account, she wouldnt have told you the whole bill was your total. She absolutely knew what she was doing, and shes lying to you about it. I’m so sorry your friend did that to you, thats horrible! I would basiclly do exactly what you’re doing. Cut her off. If you feel the need to tell her she’s out, then go for it. Be totally honest! I’d tell her that I cant trust her, shes manipulative and her behavior has ruined your relationship. I’d probably just never speak to her again, but I HATE confrontation and aviod it at all costs. its probably best to confront her once and for all and be done. You dont have to be mean, just honest.

Post # 7
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@ShabbyChicBee:  She only paid you back (and partially at that) because she got caught.  Again, what other money or items has she stolen from you?  Yes, what she did is stealing.  I’m sorry but I would have no place in my life or bridal party for this girl.  If you have mutual friends you need to let them know ahead of time that your friendship is over (be classy and don’t give too many details other than you caught her in a lie) so she doesn’t run her mouth about you afterwards.  I would cut off all communication because I wouldn’t be able to trust a word that comes out of her mouth.  If she needed help, she should have asked instead of just stealing from you.

Post # 8
1491 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

After reading your other post (especially the bit about the EXTRA line that she was pocketing money on), I would totally boot her from the wedding party.  You want people you can TRUST up there with you, not someone who would do something so awful.  


She’s basically been stealing from you, and knowingly did it too.  I wouldn’t consider someone like that to be my friend.   

Post # 9
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Stop talking to her and don’t send her an invite. She’ll figure it out.

Post # 10
1877 posts
Buzzing bee

@ShabbyChicBee:  Friends do not steal from each other.  I absolutely would not have her in the wedding.  The problem here is the deception and violation of your trust, not just the money.  If she mentions the wedding, I’d simply say: you broke my trust, took advantage of my faith in you, and hurt me deeply.  Friends don’t do that, especially not maids of honor.  There was no honor in the way you treated me, so I can’t have you as my maid of honor. 

Post # 11
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

If she was your best friend then you should be able to be honest with her and tell her point blank that was she did was super fucked up, shitty and given all that’s happened you cannot have her standing next to you as your maid of honor because there is NO HONOR  in her actions.

There’s nothing to argue about because you have the facts right in front of your face and there isnt really a need for a discussion. I get that you arent a confrontational person but really and truly – you dont have to be. You arent asking her not to be your Maid/Matron of Honor anymore, YOU ARE TELLING HER SHE ISNT. Done and Done!

Post # 12
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@FLBlonde93:  +1. You read my mind in the most lady-like fashion!

Post # 14
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

I think you need to just be honest with her.
Something like:
“I saw that you deposited some of the money I spent on your phone bill back into my bank account. Thank you for doing this.
While that was a kind gesture, and I appreciate you trying to make amends, I’m still having a hard time understanding your side of the story. I want to give you the benifit of the doubt, but i feel like you dooped me. …”

Post # 15
1505 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Have you already asked her to be your MOH? Have you sent her a STD or an invite yet?

Honestly, I would probably have a mutual friend tell her, but I can be pretty bad at confrontation too. Maybe just call her and tell her? What’s the worst thing that will happen? She’ll hang up?

Post # 16
1402 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Anna10-05-2014:  +1 but I wouldn’t leave it so open-ended.

Just tell her you’ve made your choice and you wish her well.   Put it in an email if you’re afraid of her.

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