Post # 1
Good day Bees!
For those that don’t know why I am needing advice, please see the original post:
So I received a text message from her stating that it was all a mistake with her bank account and that she was struggling with her finances and the payments bounced with her account. Mind you, she’s only talking about the past 4 months, NOT the past year. I sent the phone back to her via certified mail yesterday. This morning I am checking my bank account to balance my checkbook, and I see where she deposited $280 into my account. This is only for the last 3 months, and I would have to fight tooth and nail to show her the rest, but I am exhuasted with this and really just over it so I got lucky to get that much back.
I’m not that mad anymore but I can’t help but wonder if she is thinking that all is good and that she’s probably still in the wedding. I just CAN’T have her in it 🙁 FH was absolutely livid and told my family and his family. So how foolish do you think I would look to have her standing up there with me and everyone know what she did?
I really don’t know what to say to her if the situation arises. I am hoping that we just wont talk anymore – or for at least a long time – but I need some ideas.
Post # 3
@ShabbyChicBee: …How would you look to have her standing up with you after what she did…?
Like a gracious and forgiving friend, sure, she duped you, and it was over money and that’s shitty….but desperate people do shitty stuff to survive.
If she apologized and did what she could to make it right, what else is there?
You said yourself you aren’t mad anymore…so why add to this melodrama by tossing her out of your wedding party?
What do you accomplish by doing that?
Post # 4
@ShabbyChicBee: Quite honestly if you don’t care if you don’t talk anymore then just tell her shes out and be honest with her plain and simple.
Post # 5
If the payments bounced back into her account, she wouldnt have told you the whole bill was your total. She absolutely knew what she was doing, and shes lying to you about it. I’m so sorry your friend did that to you, thats horrible! I would basiclly do exactly what you’re doing. Cut her off. If you feel the need to tell her she’s out, then go for it. Be totally honest! I’d tell her that I cant trust her, shes manipulative and her behavior has ruined your relationship. I’d probably just never speak to her again, but I HATE confrontation and aviod it at all costs. its probably best to confront her once and for all and be done. You dont have to be mean, just honest.
Post # 6
@Charliejeorge : UGH I am SO BAD with confrontation! We’ve had “little” arguments before and she’s super hot-headed so if we’ve had issues in the past it normally ends with her hanging up on me. She claims that the service provider told her that when either of us log in with our phone numbers, it only pulls up what we owe for that line. I know good and well this is going to be an “excuse-after-excuse” to cover her actions, so I thought I’d just not speak to her either. And I HOPE the situation never arises that she asks lol!
Post # 7
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@ShabbyChicBee: She only paid you back (and partially at that) because she got caught. Again, what other money or items has she stolen from you? Yes, what she did is stealing. I’m sorry but I would have no place in my life or bridal party for this girl. If you have mutual friends you need to let them know ahead of time that your friendship is over (be classy and don’t give too many details other than you caught her in a lie) so she doesn’t run her mouth about you afterwards. I would cut off all communication because I wouldn’t be able to trust a word that comes out of her mouth. If she needed help, she should have asked instead of just stealing from you.
Post # 8
After reading your other post (especially the bit about the EXTRA line that she was pocketing money on), I would totally boot her from the wedding party. You want people you can TRUST up there with you, not someone who would do something so awful.
She’s basically been stealing from you, and knowingly did it too. I wouldn’t consider someone like that to be my friend.
Post # 9
Stop talking to her and don’t send her an invite. She’ll figure it out.
Post # 10
@ShabbyChicBee: Friends do not steal from each other. I absolutely would not have her in the wedding. The problem here is the deception and violation of your trust, not just the money. If she mentions the wedding, I’d simply say: you broke my trust, took advantage of my faith in you, and hurt me deeply. Friends don’t do that, especially not maids of honor. There was no honor in the way you treated me, so I can’t have you as my maid of honor.
Post # 11
If she was your best friend then you should be able to be honest with her and tell her point blank that was she did was super fucked up, shitty and given all that’s happened you cannot have her standing next to you as your maid of honor because there is NO HONOR in her actions.
There’s nothing to argue about because you have the facts right in front of your face and there isnt really a need for a discussion. I get that you arent a confrontational person but really and truly – you dont have to be. You arent asking her not to be your Maid/Matron of Honor anymore, YOU ARE TELLING HER SHE ISNT. Done and Done!
Post # 12
@FLBlonde93: +1. You read my mind in the most lady-like fashion!
Post # 13
@FLBlonde93: +1 Exactly this!
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club
I think you need to just be honest with her.
“I saw that you deposited some of the money I spent on your phone bill back into my bank account. Thank you for doing this.
While that was a kind gesture, and I appreciate you trying to make amends, I’m still having a hard time understanding your side of the story. I want to give you the benifit of the doubt, but i feel like you dooped me. …”
Post # 15
Have you already asked her to be your MOH? Have you sent her a STD or an invite yet?
Honestly, I would probably have a mutual friend tell her, but I can be pretty bad at confrontation too. Maybe just call her and tell her? What’s the worst thing that will happen? She’ll hang up?
Post # 16
@Anna10-05-2014: +1 but I wouldn’t leave it so open-ended.
Just tell her you’ve made your choice and you wish her well. Put it in an email if you’re afraid of her.