(Closed) Telling my parents I am engaged

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
9524 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I’m assuming that the longer this is a secret from her the longer she would resent not being told. You already know the reaction so you might as well just spit it out. 

Post # 3
Member
1352 posts
Bumble bee

I felt a similar reluctance for similar reasons. We finally just told them, got a mixed reaction (no excitement). I was sad but I got over it!

Post # 4
Member
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

“If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!”

Post # 5
Member
5890 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

If you are mature enough to be getting married, then you *should* be mature enough to deal with making choices that make your Mother mad. 

Post # 6
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee

Just tell them. Listen to their concerns and tell them “I hear what you are saying. I appreciate that you concerned and I hope you can be happy for this excited time in my life”. I would defend your engagement or start to engage in any sort of debate. Share youre news. Listen to them. And brush it off. 

Post # 7
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

just tell her. Who cares about having a long engagement? Whether you’re engaged for a month or 2 years shouldn’t matter to anyone except for you two. to each, his/her own. Try not to let it get to you so much. It’s your life to live, not hers. Don’t let anyone dictate your moves or create a blueprint for you to follow. You’re an adult. You have you fiancé there to support you in decision making.  While you want your mom to be happy for you, be prepared for the good and bad. If she’s upset with you, carry on with your plans to marry anyway. Besides…a long engagement will give yall more time to plan & save 🙂

Post # 8
Member
47289 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Tell your family asap. If  you don’t and it gets out that FI’s family has known for a while (by the time you get around to telling them), it will just be more ammunition for them to use against you.

Post # 9
Member
493 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
Soontobemiksza:  Everyone is not going to be supportive of your decisions in life.  I second what KoiKove said, if you are mature enough to make a decision about marriage, you should be mature enough to handle the consequences of telling your family.  Be straight up with them and tell them the whole truth, including that you are not planning to drop out of college, which I’m sure is a major concern for them since you mentioned it, and having a long engagement.  This should ease the stress a bit while showing you have thought this through.  You absolutely need to tell them asap or else it will be a much more uncomfortable conversation than it already is.

Post # 10
Member
1841 posts
Buzzing bee

The longer you wait, the more resentment there wil lbe from your mother. Especially since your FIs side of the family now knows.

I agree with the PP that said if you are mature enough to get married (or make the commitment to get married) then you should be mature enough to tell your parents, and listen to their reasons for being concerned. 

Post # 11
Member
929 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

it’s so sad that you got engaged and had to hide it. I was so excited after i got engaged that i couldn’t wait to tell everyone. Granted i’m an adult, he asked my fathers permission and my whole family was in on it. They know we’re ready and in love. Does your mother perhaps not like your fiance? How old are you exactly? I was with my former boyfriend for 3 years before we went to college and i thought i was so mature and ready to be engaged) but you know what? I wasn’t. I grew up tremendously in college. The person i was in highschool was a totally different better person in college. we grew apart our 4th year of college and broke up. I was devistated but it was the best thing that could have happened. knowing what i know now i would worry too. There is nothing you can say to make your mother less upset. She’s going to be upset and she has a right to be. Let her be upset and then move on. You’ve already proved that you’re both still very childish by hiding this from your families. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 10 months ago by  daniellemc.
Post # 12
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 1993

You said you are young. How old are you?

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