Post # 1
My boyfriend of 3 years asked me to marry him a few weeks ago. We kept it very quiet, just between him and I, because we are young and did not want negative feedback. We would obviously tell our families and friends once we had time to really have the whole idea set it and enjoy bein engaged before we became bombarded with questionS and snide comments. His family just found out last night because the time was just so perfect and we couldn’t keep it quiet any longer. They were all so happy for us! now that his family knows I think it’s time mine does also because I do not like having to feel like one side of my brand new big family knows and it’s kept a secret from the other half. My mom is VERY opinionated and I know she will be very angry when I tell her. She has a plan for me, like most parents have for their children, and I know that I am straying from the path she had in place for me. I am so crazy happy that I am finally engaged to my fiancé and of course I want to share the news with my mom!!! I’m just so nervous about upsetting her, especially because we plan on having a long engagement(waiting until we finish college). If him and I were getting married right away i would tell her but since I have such a long time left of being around her every day I feel like it makes it harder, I know being engaged mwans making decisions for the two of us now and not putting my familys needs first, because he is now becoming my main family, but since I still have so much time left I have to live at home and we are not beginning to plan a wedding I feel like her opinion and feelings still matter. I just want my mom to enjoy it with me
Post # 2
I’m assuming that the longer this is a secret from her the longer she would resent not being told. You already know the reaction so you might as well just spit it out.
Post # 3
I felt a similar reluctance for similar reasons. We finally just told them, got a mixed reaction (no excitement). I was sad but I got over it!
Post # 4
“If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!”
Post # 5
If you are mature enough to be getting married, then you *should* be mature enough to deal with making choices that make your Mother mad.
Post # 6
Just tell them. Listen to their concerns and tell them “I hear what you are saying. I appreciate that you concerned and I hope you can be happy for this excited time in my life”. I would defend your engagement or start to engage in any sort of debate. Share youre news. Listen to them. And brush it off.
Post # 7
just tell her. Who cares about having a long engagement? Whether you’re engaged for a month or 2 years shouldn’t matter to anyone except for you two. to each, his/her own. Try not to let it get to you so much. It’s your life to live, not hers. Don’t let anyone dictate your moves or create a blueprint for you to follow. You’re an adult. You have you fiancé there to support you in decision making. While you want your mom to be happy for you, be prepared for the good and bad. If she’s upset with you, carry on with your plans to marry anyway. Besides…a long engagement will give yall more time to plan & save 🙂
Post # 8
Tell your family asap. If you don’t and it gets out that FI’s family has known for a while (by the time you get around to telling them), it will just be more ammunition for them to use against you.
Post # 9
Everyone is not going to be supportive of your decisions in life. I second what KoiKove said, if you are mature enough to make a decision about marriage, you should be mature enough to handle the consequences of telling your family. Be straight up with them and tell them the whole truth, including that you are not planning to drop out of college, which I’m sure is a major concern for them since you mentioned it, and having a long engagement. This should ease the stress a bit while showing you have thought this through. You absolutely need to tell them asap or else it will be a much more uncomfortable conversation than it already is.
Post # 10
The longer you wait, the more resentment there wil lbe from your mother. Especially since your FIs side of the family now knows.
I agree with the PP that said if you are mature enough to get married (or make the commitment to get married) then you should be mature enough to tell your parents, and listen to their reasons for being concerned.
Post # 11
it’s so sad that you got engaged and had to hide it. I was so excited after i got engaged that i couldn’t wait to tell everyone. Granted i’m an adult, he asked my fathers permission and my whole family was in on it. They know we’re ready and in love. Does your mother perhaps not like your fiance? How old are you exactly? I was with my former boyfriend for 3 years before we went to college and i thought i was so mature and ready to be engaged) but you know what? I wasn’t. I grew up tremendously in college. The person i was in highschool was a totally different better person in college. we grew apart our 4th year of college and broke up. I was devistated but it was the best thing that could have happened. knowing what i know now i would worry too. There is nothing you can say to make your mother less upset. She’s going to be upset and she has a right to be. Let her be upset and then move on. You’ve already proved that you’re both still very childish by hiding this from your families.
Post # 12
You said you are young. How old are you?