Telling my 'waiting' friends I am engaged.

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
2150 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I really think it depends on your friends. When I was in this position and waiting, I was super thrilled for my friends and family that got engaged. While I was separately frustrated and sad for myself, that didn’t prevent me from being happy for them. I am now again in this position struggling with infertility. I just found out of my close friends is super pregnant and nobody has told me yet. I heard it through the grapevine. It sucks to be coddled like that, honestly.  I would just tell them, let them react however they might, but just don’t go on and on about wedding plans right then and there. Let them process it. Besides, its engagement season, maybe it will happen for them soon and you can all share the wedding experience. 

Post # 3
Member
1023 posts
Bumble bee

Just call them and tell them. Then move the conversation to something else. From what you posted at least one of those friends is not the correct audience to share any additional excitement or wedding planning details with.

Don’t hide it from them. As they will find out eventually.

Post # 4
Member
209 posts
Helper bee

If they can’t put their own issues aside and be happy for you, they aren’t good friends.

Post # 5
Member
2593 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017 - Valleybrook Country Club

View original reply
happybridetobe1988 :  You need to tell them. The longer you wait the harder it will be.

Call and tell them your news. Then ask how they’re doing or move the subject to something else as not to be solely focused on your engagement.

Post # 6
Member
3468 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Don’t say anything to them directly? Just start wearing your ring, announce it on social media (or whatever you were planning to do) so that they can find out on their own and have time to process privately. If they should ever ask why you didn’t tell them, you have a perfect answer “you told me that engagements and weddings are basically an off-limits topic for you, so I didn’t see an appropriate opportunity to bring it up.” This advice is coming from someone who had to “break it” to a very bitter friend that I was engaged, and she reacted as expected and it kind of ruined my day having someone I cared so much about begrudge me of my happiness. I called her two days after we got engaged and was super over the moon about it, so it stung all the more having her not be happy for me. I wish I had either not told her or waited until the shine had worn off the engagement a bit. 

Post # 7
Member
534 posts
Busy bee

I really don’t understand people who cannot be happy for someone else’s happiness. I wouldn’t call such a person my friend.

Like, it’s not anyone’s fault that they have been waiting like a doormat for 2 centuries while someone else’s Fiance proposes in a year. If a guy wants an engagement to happen, they will make it happen. She is allowed to feel jealous, but she isn’t allowed to get upset at you.

I get where you are coming from. I have a friend who was waiting longer than me. When I got engaged, I too was a little nervous to tell her, but when I did, I just told her when I met her next without any diplomacy or shiftness. I said ‘Me and Fiance have something big to tell you, we got engaged this weekend” Her face lit up with happiness for me and Fiance. She and her Boyfriend or Best Friend are even standing for us, and we often discuss out upcoming wedding.

There is no sanitary way you can tell her. Just tell her. Remember the problem is not you, it’s their attitude. If they are supportive friends, they will be happy for you and congratulate you.

Post # 8
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee

You’ve just got to tell them; better that than they find out some other way. Maybe don’t tell them face to face – over the phone or by message so they have time to ‘get over it’, but I’m sure they’ll try and want to be happy for you.

I was one of those ‘waiting’ girls – we’d been together 11 years by the time we got engaged – and yeah it can suck, but it only sucks as much as you let it. Took me a long time to realise that, and it was only me that was making myself unhappy over not taking the next step. Unfortunately I only worked that out about 3-4 months before we got engaged, or I’d have saved myself a lot of grief!

Post # 9
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would either do it through a group text to them and others, are announce it on social media and let them find out through that. I would not call them independently, because it puts a lot of pressure on them in the moment.

Post # 10
Member
914 posts
Busy bee

I would send a private text maybe with a picture of the ring or you really happy. That way you can give them time to process the information before they respond. 

While I was waiting it was really hard for me too but it doesn’t mean that your friends aren’t happy for you. I had a friend who got engaged and we met up for a happy hour with some other friends later that week to celebrate. I had to walk out of the restaurant to cry for a little bit. I felt so bad that I was so sad. I was super happy and excited for her but so frustrated with my own situation. 

Just share the information and let them dictate how the conversatino goes from there.  

Post # 11
Member
1335 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Painswick Church and the Falcon Hotel

Sounds like your friends need to get a grip! Not being engaged themselves shouldn’t stop them from being happy for you. 

Post # 12
Member
1248 posts
Bumble bee

i second the idea of texting them. it is so much easier to fake a cheerful text. their initial reaction might be a stab of envy, but they can still text a ‘thats so amazing! congratulations!!! 🙂 🙂 :)’ without sounding fake or forced.

Post # 13
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

I would tell them the way you would tell them any other news. Personally I would call them but texting would be ok too. I agree with everyone who said that they aren’t good friends if they can’t be happy for you. You’re not rubbing it in their faces. It really is an awkward thing to have to do, and they may distance themselves for a bit if they’re feeling bitter or jealous, but in the end I’m sure it’ll be fine. If not, you got rid of people in your life that don’t care about you. 

Post # 14
Member
1495 posts
Bumble bee

send the news via text. then it’s easier to phrase what to say when you have time to think. but then again I never call my friends. we only text so for us it’ normal to share news via text.

if they can’t be happy for you then do you really want to be friends with them? also being in waiting is a choise. they can do something about it if they wanted to.

Post # 15
Member
1103 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

I agree with 

View original reply
knotyet, a group text to your closest friends might be a good way to break the ice. But maybe in a more relaxed way without a picture. On broad social media you can post a picture and let people freak out.

I’m sorry it’s this uncomfortable for you amongst these particular friends. Their own relationships are theirs to contend with. It’s not your fault that they aren’t engaged, they should be happy for you.

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