(Closed) Telling others to butt out?

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I have struggled with this a lot in my past, and would get so discouraged by all the negativity and criticism.  Finally, I learned to say “Listen, I am not asking for your permission.  I am informing you of our choice.  You can either be supportive or shut up”.  Life has been A LOT better since.

Post # 4
Member
5958 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

My Dad is kind of like this, and when he gets on a tear about what I do or don’t do and weather or not he approves…I tell him his approval is neither desired nor required, but we’re always open to acceptance.

Post # 5
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

bump

Post # 6
Member
1328 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

With my parents in particular, I usually bottle it up my feelings and then when they do come out it involves a lot of me yelling, crying, sometimes a cartoon like eye twitch.  I would not recommend my method, but they do usually shut up after that.

But seriously, you’re already one step ahead since you expect his parents might object.  So before you tell them think out some logical responses to what they might say.  Then if they do say something you can respond in a clam, intelligent manner.  Try to think of every possible objection they may have, and prepare a response.  Planning ahead is a lot easier than coming up with something on the spot, especially since emotions can run high in these situations.

Post # 7
Member
8472 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m definitely the type of person who does exactly what she wants.. However, if a lot of people or the majority are telling me something, then I take it into consideration.

Post # 8
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I hate this kind of criticism too. To be honest, I just don’t mention the big purchases until after they happen so there is no room for criticism and the family trying to save us from a mistake. LOL.

Post # 9
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I really don’t ever tell people stuff like this. It’s no one’s business how you spend your money. My ex told his parents about EVERYTHING he wanted to buy, and I never understood that–it’s his money, and he was an adult and didn’t really need his dad’s approval on it. 

From now on, just smile and say “thanks!” and then ignore them.

Post # 10
Member
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I will say something like, “You might be right,” then do what I want.  This is a magic phrase that gets people to shut up on many things.  It also doesn’t tell them that you are wrong and isn’t dishonest, because there is always a 0.1% chance. 🙂

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