(Closed) Telling parents we’re moving in together

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
46675 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I feel it is important to recognize and respect your parents’ wishes and values when in their home.  Just because they are not comfortable with you sharing a room when you are in their home doesn’t mean they are going to have trouble accepting what you do in your home.

I would tell them towards the end of your visit once they have had a chance to get to know him.

Post # 4
Member
2493 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

When I told my parents I was moving in with my FI  (then bf) they were not thrilled by the idea, but when I told them that it would be a slow process and we both wanted to be set and comfortable, they were much more receptive. I think letting them know your reasons for moving in, what obstacles you have to overcome, what you have discussed and a timeline might make them more comfortable. I think a lot of time parents are just nervous about their babies growing up!

PS… my mom and dad also wouldn’t let us sleep in the same room– EVEN WHEN WE LIVED TOGETHER FOR 4 MONTHS! Once we “proved” that we were capable of living together in an adult way they changed their minds.

Post # 5
Member
4366 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

I know that my mum had a “not under my roof” attitude (though she’s over it now) towards sharing a room even though she knew we were in each others pockets.

I think you’re worrying about nothing, they know your with each other most of the time so it will hardly be a shock.  You might like to say “SO and I were thinking of moving into together, it feels like the right time for us and anyway we pretty much live together already” and make it light hearted.

Best of luck, though I’m sure you wont need it 🙂

Post # 6
Member
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

My parents helped me move into our place and my dad has a big problem with us sharing a room/bed when we visit.  I’d probably tell your family before you go visit though.  They know what you’re up to, moving in with him isn’t really going to make them realize that you’re sleeping with this guy as they already know that.  They may not like it but if you respect their wishes by not fussing over the sleeping arrangements, they are much more likely to accept your new sleeping arrangements back home.

Post # 7
Member
716 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m in the exact same boat as you right now — my plan is to ease them into it…I don’t think they even know the extent to which bf sleeps over now (which is pretty much every night anyway…). Good luck 🙂

Post # 8
Member
1625 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I agree with a PP….rules in your parents house may be different than what they are ok with when you’re outside their house. My now-FI and I were living together already but still not allowed to sleep in the same room when we visited my parents house before we got engaged (and my parents are pretty damn liberal–they encouraged us to live together!). I think they just felt different about it in their house, especially while my younger brother was around–they wanted consistency among the siblings in terms of whose SOs were allowed to share rooms etc.

Post # 9
Bee
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012 - Historic Lougheed House

If you’re living in Denmark, they really probably can’t do anything about it.  I would just say that since you’re planning on moving in together you thought they should know.  You don’t need to give them details or anything, just tell them.  You can still sleep separately at their place. 

Post # 10
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Respect their wishes in their home. I’d bring it up at the end of your visit, so you can have a nice time. if they are upset at the news and you tell them right away, it may negatively influence the whole visit.

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