Post # 1
My significant other and I ran into this issue this weekend and I can only assume it’s going to keep coming up. So anyone on here have any advise for explaining to friends/family the elopement plan? He just blurted it out to his brother, who then obviously told their mom…but I don’t think she took us seriously? Both of our families are laid back/not very traditional
I don’t want it to be a secret. Or a surprise. We are doing it abroad and merging it with our honeymoon. We will be having a family party most likely in my parents backyard either right before or right after (the before vs after part depends on my elderly grandmas ability to attend). And becuase I know this bugs people there will be *NO GIFTS*
Anyone who knows me knows this has always been the kind of wedding I wanted. So it really shouldnt be a shock. My man got on board when he realized it could mean an epic honeymoon.. and becuase it would make my dreams come true.
Also we’re not using the word “fiancé” yet becuase it inevitably comes with the response… “so when’s the wedding??”… and that brings me back to my initial question!
Post # 2
We -meaning I -told everybody. I was so exited!! I didn’t care what people thought. I just shared my happiness. When people asked if family and friends were coming I just simply said: nope. This is a stress-free wedding for bride and groom only.
And it was great. We got married 7 days ago and it was wonderful!! We had everything we wanted: the dress, the flowers, the special ceremony, the beach and wonderful pictures as a reminder. Not to mention the honeymoon…
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
We have told everyone, not one negative response yet! But we are “officially engaged” with a ring so people ask.
We were already planning the trip for this summer, just decided to add in a wedding at a castle!! Like you I’ve always wanted to get married abroad and neither of our families is traditional so it’s all good. Just be excited!
Post # 4
endgame27 : we are thinking about eloping this summer, and we would definitely tell immediate family ahead of time so they’re not blindsided. (And maybe invite them?! Not sure. Almost everyone is out of state. I’d either like most/all family to be there, or just the two of us, so it’s tricky.) If they tell other people, that’s fine, but we won’t go around announcing it til afterwards.
Post # 5
- Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal
endgame27 : We did exactly this and before telling everyone I knew several, especially my mother, would be at least somewhat disappointed. We were really happy with our decision to do a destination elopement and we made sure we expressed that when telling people. I think it softened the blow when we told people with excitement and confidence in our decision. The recipient of information is going to respond based off of your delivery. If you appear uneasy when approaching the conversation, they will react accordingly. This is great and exciting news so deliver it as such!
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
I’d be bursting with excitement and want to tell everyone we were planning to elope. But Im the celebrating sort!
Post # 7
We did the same for the same reasons. Instead of spending a fortune in a big wedding full of things we didn’t really want we are spending it on the honeymoon.
My Mum found out by accident as she saw some of ideas when she came to my house, at that point it was just hypothetical so I explained as much and left it at that.
When we made the final decision though I told my Mum face to face and rang my dad. I told my sisters over message as they are not traditional either and I already knew that they wouldn’t have any issue with it. We are having an informal party when we get home.
Post # 8
You’re not eloping, so you probably shouldn’t say that you are.
Calling it a private ceremony or intimate ceremony would be better as those terms describe your wedding more accurately.
Post # 9
Rhopalocera : According to Merriam Webster, the definition of “elope” is changing… 😀
“So before you get too worried that kids these days use the word like too much and can’t even figure out the right way to run away romantically, relax. Take a deep breath. It’s true, the meaning of elope may be as fickle as an inconstant lover’s whim, but that is as it should be. It is part of the ever-changing tapestry of our breathing and living language. Can you accept that? We do.”
Post # 10
KittyYogi : Yes, that’s how language works, but the word “elope” still has a definition, and the word isn’t only used for weddings. It can pack an emotional punch, to boot, which is one reason why I repeat this on these boards so often.
She can call it an elopement if she wants to, but she’s not fleeing and nothing’s secret. She asked for advice and that’s the advice I gave. She can take it or leave it.
Post # 11
endgame27 : My fiance and I quickly decided to do a courthouse wedding with just 7 guests each (all they allow) and have a party to celebrate the following day with everyone that could not be at the courthouse. We started telling people as soon as we locked in the venue for the party and no one has had an issue with not being invited to the actual ceremony and only the after party.
Enjoy this time being engaged and planning your party, your friends and family will most likely be very happy for you and respect your decision to get married how you two want to!
Post # 12
Well I’m not doing the literal definition of eloping, but rather the 2018 version, most likely at the courthouse with my daughter and maybe our parents. I don’t plan to tell anyone except immediate family and a couple best friends once we decide on a date. Otherwise it leads to people asking if they can come. I already have had it happen, someone asking to come, even before we were engaged. For us personally it’ll be less messy this way. And I’ve never wanted a big wedding so no one on my side will be surprised if they hear after the fact.
Post # 13
Thank you everyone for your input
Schmashley : I feel like you hit the nail on the head here for me! I am anxious about everyone being as happy about it as I am! And that’s probably going to come across if I stress it. I need to just breath and tell people with confidence and joy 🙂
KittyYogi : my best friend and I literally had this conversation a few days ago! I’m sending her this link. Also I feel like the word was decided for me becuase we will be booking an “elopement package” at our destination. Even if everyone knows. Leaving all the semantics behind!
MiaSuperstar : congratulations! So awesome! I love how you said “we- meaning I- told everyone” I feel like that’s about to be me!
We are spending the day with my parents this Saturday and are now talking about telling them then. They are the most important next conversation to get out of the way. I don’t have siblings and since my future brother in law and mother in law were unceremoniously informed as I mentioned above, I guess the cats out of the bag anyways!
Post # 14
OOh I SO agree. Of course language changes and evolves, but simply using a word wrongly is infuriating , especially when defended and argued as mere ‘semantics’ ( not aimed at you OP , just a general thing with me)
Post # 15
For the sake of the vocabulary discussion: see this link discussing the background of the word “nice”… which isn’t as nice as you think it would be 😉