(Closed) Telling people we're engaged who aren't invited to the wedding

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
2697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think most people assume that they are invited. I just wouldn’t discuss wedding details with them. And if they say that they are saving the date or mention how they cant wait, then launch into your explanation for a small wedding. Don’t have the “you aren’t invited” conversation preemptively.

Post # 4
554 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If you’re talking to someone you know you’re not inviting, you can always be a bit vague with details. Saying that you haven’t even thought of *whatever* yet, but it’ll probably be a small affair….

I practise this a lot at work – friends who I’m inviting get some info. Sticky-beaks & gossips get fobbed off. That way people don’t feel invested because they know half the details & then find out they aren’t going to see it firsthand.

Or you can always fall back on saying “money” and “space” issues made you restrict the guest list…

Post # 5
3305 posts
Sugar bee

If you really want to tell them, send an engagement announcement!

Post # 6
67 posts
Worker bee

There’s nothing wrong with telling them that you are engaged.  If they are family they may assume they are invited.  But WAIT until they ask about your wedding before you tell them it will be small.  Otherwise you may come off as presumptuous.

I wouldn’t do an engagement announcement.  If you’re having a small wedding, you can send wedding announcements following the wedding.  But a formal engagement announcement gives off the impression that it’s a large, formal affair.

Post # 7
1375 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Could you have your closer family spread the word?  If these are people your grandparents or parents see on a more regular basis, maybe they could call them instead.


Post # 8
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

People will definitely assume they’re invited! I can’t tell you how many people asked us for the wedding date as soon as they heard we were engaged so they could mark it on their calendars. It was strange. That being said, we’ve always just told people that we’re having a small celebration with family and close friends.

Post # 9
13248 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@anghp:  I agree.  My family would all assume they are invited.  Just announce your engagement, and tackle this when you have a firm date with a venue booked. 

Post # 10
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I think this depends on the person. Some people will just know that this is going on, and will use it as a conversation starter. It doesn’ mean that they are assuming an invite. There will be those however who do not understand that you want a small wedding, so just come prepared with a speech and try to avoid talking about the details with them if you can.

Post # 11
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@anghp:  +1

Post # 12
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I was initially offended when a close friend didn’t invite me to her wedding, but then as she was talking about it, I realized it was really just their immediate family.  So I felt a lot better. You can just say, Yeah, well, we’re not really doing a reception or anything, just a little dinner with our parents.

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