Post # 1
So I’m guilty of feeling insecure at times, and what I love about my fiance is that he really knows how to put things in perspective for me. We’re paying for the wedding ourselves whereas everyone in our “married couple” group of friends had theirs paid for by the brides family. I never went to their weddings, in fact I’ve never been to ANY wedding, so when I read that the average wedding costs $25k I said “oh sh*t is this gonna look really cheap?” Well my fiance was very quick to point out that your wedding is not the time to be “keeping up with the jones’s” and that by doing so you’re only setting yourself up for that sort of competition in the future. He even said that if anything all we need is good food and booze and then having a thrifty wife will be something he’ll be BRAGGING about to his friends! I thought that was very sweet, and I really took his advice to heart. I dealt with my insecurities by confidently telling people things like “the reason we’re having a short engagement is because we got a great deal for a date that was cancelled in august” this is probably the most common question I get. Well at a big memorial day party we had last weekend I was with a group of women, all married, and when I explained the wedding was in August I started feeling insecure again because I knew from telling other people before that that people get very judgemental and see it as a “dumb” thing to plan a wedding in less than 3 months. Well even though no one asked I dealt with that insecure feeling by what I thought at the time was a very confident move and said “it’s quick, i know, but we’re getting x y and z (it was a longer list than that) for $x” and suddenly people were like “WOW, thats actually really awesome” so I felt good about myself. Well I guess my fiance wasn’t expecting me to do THIS well with our budget, bcause when I explained to him what I have figured out so far he was like “WOW, this is much nicer than a lot of weddings I’ve been to!!” I was really excited! Problem: Last night he said to me that I shouldn’t have ever even talked about money to people, and that if I hadn’t told people we were having “a wedding on the cheap” they definitely wouldn’t think it was. Now I’m feeling insecure all over again because I feel like he’s right, it’s nobody’s business about our money, but I was only taking his advice the first time when he said that the confident thing to do was to have no shame about your situation! I guess that was when he thought the wedding wasn’t going to turn out this nice. Both arguments were very convincing although opposite. Anyways what do you guys think? It’s so hard to work on yourself and be more confident 🙁
Post # 3
I think how you handled the situation is fine. If it looks more expensive than it is I think that gives you bragging rights. Especially if you planned in 3 months! Our wedding is only going to be about $5,000 and I used to have low confidence about it. Now that things are coming up I’m proud of all the work I’ve done and can say that I stayed within budget.
By The Way after what you told guests I bet they’ll show up and just have huge “WOW” expressions on their faces. That will be priceless in a good way! Who wants the same old wedding where people just walk in and go “oh… well this is nice” anyways?
Post # 4
I think you did nothing wrong. Altough I am not yet engaged we have talked about the getting married part and about the reception. Weddings here usually cost about 18,000 euros, but spending that much for just one day its just not us.
Sometimes I worry that it will be “cheap” but my boyfriend constantly tells me it has to be about the marriage and not about the wedding and that the latter has to reflect us, so hopefully my worries will be overshadowed by this 🙂
Post # 5
i tell ppl about my budget. idc. But i’ve never really have been a fan of hiding the truth. I think it makes you sound smart instead of them thinking “omg she must of spent a fortune” they’ll think “this is amazing that she did all this with so little money”
I’m with you tho – i’ve never been very confident. I want to know your secrets. Even with DIYing a lot – venue, catering, photographer and DJ alone just send it soaring way past 5k. I wish we could afford to get married this year but we need the next year to save up!
Post # 6
I think it is inappropiate to discuss financial things with people that have no part in it. Whether it is a budget wedding or something expensive. It is none of their business.
Post # 7
It is no one’s business what you pay for the wedding and what your financial situation is. You have the best wedding you can within your budget and if someone still doesn’t like it, then they aren’t worth your time.
Post # 8
I dont think it was any of their buisness about why you are doing things so fast etc. I dont think you have anything to worry about. Heck I BRAGGED about how “cheap” my wedding was. I spent about 12k on my wedding…okay so not all THAT cheap, but that also included the cost of my dress and the honeymoon, along with the wedding party gifts etc. I was pretty proud that I had a great wedding that looked elegant and expensive, but costs less than half of the national average.
I also referred to this when I got to feeling like you:
Post # 9
Well, it isn’t anyone’s business what your wedding budget is (except those who are contributing) but by the same token, it’s not really anyone’s business how far in advance you’re planning. If I’m understanding right, you were basically trying to fend off perceived (maybe imaginary) criticism by saying what a great deal you had gotten on certain things, right? (I’m honestly not trying to be critical or snarky, I’m just making sure I’m not responding to something I made up!)
If so, let me just say this: there’s nothing to measure up to, seriously. The “average” spent on weddings doesn’t explain any of the things that go into each wedding, and has no direct impact on how nice your wedding is. No one comes to weddings with a scorecard to fill out- unless they’re truly nuts and not much can be done about that-they’re just there because they love you and want to celebrate with you, and if they get fed and have a drink and it’s a pleasant atmosphere, so much the better.
Ack, sorry, I didn’t mean to write such a novel, I guess I can relate to your worries. 🙂
Post # 10
I think he could have been more clear about what he meant was approrpriate to share, and you might have been more careful about sharing finances. Some people are more private about fiances than other people. That said, who cares if they know you got a great deal? He’s a little having his cake and eating it too by saying it’s ok to be proud to be frugal, but not being clear he wants it kept private and not share.
Ultimately, I think you need to work on not feeling bad about what you’re spending. That attitude can get you into trouble in life and there’s no evidence anyone is judging you. You also want to get on the same page regarding what is ok to share about your finances.
Post # 11
If anything, I think the competition should be how cost effective we can do a wedding while still remaining true to the couple’s style. I wouldn’t worry about anybody else, in fact they’re probably bummed with how much they spent…
Post # 12
I don’t think what your fiance meant the first time was to brag about how ‘cheap’ your wedding will be. I think he meant that you could feel confident that even though youre not having an expensive wedding, be proud in the fact that you are doing it on your own and within your budget.
I do not think it’s anyone’s business how much you’re spending on your wedding and they dont really have to know such details. If you want to brag a little about how much you saved on your shoes, then go for it. But to give every detail is not necessary.
I say I am having a wedding on a budget and if they ask specific questions like how much something costs, I will tell them. People don’t generally ask me though (usually just my mom or a bm). I won’t divulge that info willing. Every one knows we can’t afford a big fancy expensive wedding so they know it won’t cost much. They know I am thrifty and a DIY-er and that fi is pretty low key and understated when it comes to parties.
I am definitly not trying to keep up with anyone else. My wedding will be what I want it to be, not what people want it to be. People might have expectations and it will be met (we throw fun parties). 😉