(Closed) Telling the Bride I can't attend the Bachelorette Party?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
940 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I think you just have to be honest and to the point: “Hey, I have some bad news. I’m really sorry, but I’ve reached the limits of my budget so I won’t be able to attend the bachelorette party. I hope you all have an amazing time!”

Post # 3
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

Just be honest.  “Bride, I am sorry but I will not be able to attend your bach weekend.  Financially I just can’t do it, but I hope you have a freaking fabulous time!”

If she gets pissed at you then she is not a very good friend.  Yeah she may be disappointed but she will get over it.

And really I also blame this on the Maid/Matron of Honor.  She shouldn’t be telling you all what you are going to pay for but rather asked you each for your budgets and suggestions.  If the Maid/Matron of Honor wants to plan the entire party without your input then she should be paying for all the extravagant things associated with it.

Post # 5
Member
229 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Country Club

I agree with the PP poster, I just had my bachelorette party this weekend and it was dinner and a painting/wine party. I would have loved to have gone on a big trip but thats not feasible for many people (myself included!). You are one of the most important people to the bride, just be honest with her and just tell her you will be there for her the day of and are looking forward to celebrating with her but that money is a factor. 

Post # 6
Member
10286 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

There is no shame in the truth.

She and her Maid/Matron of Honor are being entitled and unfair, so if there is any shame it’s on them.

Post # 7
Member
1135 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
missnicolemcg:  I think if the maid of honor is planning a bachelorette party that not everyone can afford, she needs to pony up. 

Post # 9
Member
2402 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I would let the bride know first you won’t be attending, and I would also let the Maid/Matron of Honor know that you won’t be attending OR contributing. She sounds like the kind of person to tell you that you still have to pay regardless. If she does say anything like that, I would make sure you relate that to the bride and ask her to help clarify. 

Post # 10
Member
1619 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
missnicolemcg:  This Maid/Matron of Honor is very unreasonable.  What are the thoughts of the other BMs?  Maybe if you all feel the same way you should speak up to the Maid/Matron of Honor and figure out different plans that are more suitable to your budget.

Post # 11
Member
70 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
missnicolemcg:  Ugh, I was in a wedding a few years ago and the Maid/Matron of Honor pulled that same stunt with booking things and then telling everyone what we owed. The bride just wanted to do a quiet dinner out but the Maid/Matron of Honor took it upon herself to book a ridiculous hotel suite without a) making sure everyone was available that weekend or b) was able to fork over $300+ towards the hotel costs. I’m still mad about that one. 

Post # 12
Member
3102 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Good God all this pre-wedding business is becoming absolutely ridiculous and WAY overdone. Just tell them you can’t go. I don’t even think you need to elaborate. It’s pretty presumptuous of them to assume everybody wants to go on this trip. 

But then flying somewhere to go to a bunch of clubs sounds excruciatingly boring to me.

Post # 13
Member
6349 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
missnicolemcg:  I think the one you really need to talk to is the Maid/Matron of Honor. I can’t believe she booked a super expensive shower venue and then after the fact asked people to give her X amount of money. If she expects all the BMs to chip in, then that is something that needs to be discussed and agreed upon beforehand. 

Post # 14
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
missnicolemcg:  um WHAT? NO way in hell would i pay 200 for a bridal shower. Just tell the Maid/Matron of Honor that if she does this giant bach party you are out, cannot afford it. She needs to be realistic!

Post # 15
Member
2953 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
missnicolemcg:  Perhaps you can offer to just attend the dinner and transport yourself to and fro. I had BMs from out of state and I told them just to come to the wedding. Showers, parties, etc., were nice but not necessary. Hopefully your friend, the Bride, will understand.

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