(Closed) Telling the parents we are moving in together

posted 11 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2007

I always tell couples that moving in together is a big move, in which parents feelings should always be considered, especially if you are very close to them.  Instead of you just dropping the bomb on your parents, wine and dine them with your fiance, and slowly let them know your plans.  Ask for their blessing (not permission) and tell them that you understand that they may not agree, but you two have truly thought about it very hard… etc.

The key is to getting your parents to respect your decision that you two have made together.  Your fiance should also speak up about why he agrees with the cohabitation and you should support him.  Go in it together, and your parents will eventually come around. 

 

Good luck! 🙂 I have korean parents, and we did exactly this way and our parents were very supportive. 

Post # 4
Member
378 posts
Helper bee

I agree with chill. Don’t ask for their permission, ask for their blessing. If you’re old enough to get married, you’re old enough to make this decision. Believe me, I understand the mental anguish you’re going through, I did it in April when I told my parents I’d be moving in with my then-boyfriend/now-fiance. It was mainly for financial reasons, but I knew he was the one.

My mom, a Catholic schoolteacher, initally freaked out. Like "my daughter is going to be living in sin" freaked out. But I let her spaz for the rest of the evening and sat down with her the next day when I knew it would be a much more civilized conversation. She had one request – that when she came to visit, we (my fiance and I) not sleep in the same bed. I agreed to that without a problem because – hey – if the illusion is going to help her sleep at night and make my life easier, fine by me. I can sleep on the couch for a few nights. 

Good luck! It’s not going to be an easy conversation but just explain to them the reasoning and say "and I hope you’ll support us in this." 

Post # 5
Member
6 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2007

I suggest tough love with parents, if you are old enough to decide to spend the rest of your life with this man, in this day and age, you are certainly old enough to live with him.  This old-world rule of "you shouldn’t live together before you are married" applies to the good old days when women got married at 14…

My husband and I did LD for a long time and went anywhere from a few weeks to five months without seeing each other.  I told my parents I was moving in with him, they suggested moving near him, and I told them that it was my decision, I am paying my own bills, and if I decide to pay rent with him – I hope that they KNOW that they did a great job and that they should TRUST me to make the right decision.  You are an adult now, they need to realize that. 

That being said, never EVER ask your parents for lunch money.  🙂 

I also highly recommend living together b4 marriage, if we hadn’t, we would probably be divorced by now, there is SO much you learn about someone just by living with them.

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