- 9 years ago
- Wedding: October 2012
I am in a a bit of a pickle because I’ve known this “toxic friend” (“TF” for short, k?) for a long time, and at times, she can be a kind, supportive friend. I’ve known her for over 10 years, and we’ve had some fun times. However, she is persistently negative and is sometimes quite selfish. As recently as July, I was planning to include her in my bridal party (got engaged in December). However, a mutual friend of ours got married on NYE. I was this mutual friend’s Maid/Matron of Honor and the TF was a Bridesmaid or Best Man. The TF was not an ideal BM- she seemed obsessed with the idea of being a Bridesmaid or Best Man, buying everyone “I’m a Bridesmaid” buttons and suggesting we make t-shirts ONLY for the BMs, even though there were other close friends coming to the shower and bach party. My biggest beef was that while we were picking Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses over the summer, the TF was being very picky, saying that she wanted to look “stunning” when walking down the aisle (isn’t that the bride’s job??), and at one point she actually texted “I will NOT wear a halter dress!!” to both me and the bride. At that point, I called and left her voicemail a piece of my mind.
Anyway, I recently spoke to my TF’s and my mutual friend, who said that the TF still expects to be a bridesmaid. Now I don’t know what to do. Because of her temper tantrums while planning my friend’s wedding, I don’t want to include her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. However, I’m afraid she’ll cause more drama and misery if I ask her to be involved in some other way (like, as a day-of coordinator or reader). I have a big bridal party, so limited numbers are no excuse. Basically, I don’t want to include her, but I’m trying to minimize damages. I fear that the drama caused by NOT asking her will be worse than the drama she creates as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, especially considering our mutual friends who will be involved.
I have been agonizing over this- don’t know what to do, or how to approach it with her so that she doesn’t throw a fit. Please help!!