(Closed) Telling your best friend their significant other cannot come….acceptable?

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
13653 posts
Honey Beekeeper

The OP wouldn’t have been wrong at all. According to etiquette, you are under no obligation at all to provide +1s or invitations for SO’s of guests  unless they are married, engaged or living together. Contrary to popular belief, that includes the bridal party.

What I wouldn’t do is be inconsistent. So if she is allowing the other BMs to bring their flavors of the month, it would be tough to exclude this one without the risk of insulting her. And if she already told her that it’s her choice, it’s not nice to renege on that offer. 

Post # 32
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Tough position you are in. I think you’ve done the right thing. You can’t really ban him from coming and it is her choice. I think all you can really do from here is maybe have another friend who is familiar with his behaviour keep a discreet eye out for him behaving badly with any of your guests (maybe someone seated near him?). Hopefully this wouldn’t be necessary at all but it might give you some piece of mind knowing someone you trust would politely steer him in another direction as casually as possible so as not to cause a stir. 

Post # 33
Member
586 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I don’t feel the same as many other posters. I would say no- I would not like him to be there, he is not invited. 

The only unpleasant people you need to SUFFER on your wedding, are family. – Yours and His – all of them no matter who is being a brat or not. 

Everyone else can take a hike! 

-But it is your call. 
I’m 37 now and I’ve long since stopped being indecisive about social issues like this. LOL

 

Goodluck!

Post # 34
Member
685 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
jamielynn86:  luckily they’ve been friends since the were 3 and the bride was super laid back (aka drunk hahah) so it wasn’t the end of their friendship but even two years later it still gets brought up when we talk about the wedding. I get everyone elses reasoning though it would be awkward to say she’s the only one who couldn’t bring a date.

Post # 35
Member
1799 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

This question gets asked all the time and the answer is always the same.  No, it is never acceptable to invite one half of a pair (if they are living together or in a seirous committed relationship) or not give plus ones to the bridal party.  You don’t have to put up with his rudeness though, at your wedding or anywhere else.

Post # 36
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Yes this is selfish. Maybe she secretly hates your Fiance and thinks he treats you like sh*t. But she’s supporting your relationship so you should support hers. IMO it’s not worth ruining your friendship over. Which it will.

Post # 37
Member
784 posts
Busy bee

Is he worth losing a friend over though? probably not. I say let her decide and don’t let him take up brain space on your special day! 🙂

Post # 38
Member
784 posts
Busy bee

I’m also in a very similar situation for my wedding. Our best man is dating a girl who I dislike very much and she’s also had drama with all my friends and I think she doesn’t like me because of it. BUT i’m being the bigger person and inviting her to the wedding even rehersal dinner because it’s so immature to not. And i’m not about that. I don’t care enough about her to let her ruin my time. 

Post # 39
Member
165 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: February 2017

Actually I’m on your side Bee, I wouldn’t want him there. If he is abusive that isn’t a healthy situation for your wedding day or your friend to endure. I would tell her you are uncomfortable with him being invited. Fiance and I are only allowing serious couples. I would talk to her and voice your concerns. Your wedding you can invite who you want. 

Post # 40
Member
254 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
jamielynn86:  

I didn’t read the whole thing because I don’t have too. Our best man is dating a girl on and off for 2 years. Same thing, she’s abusive mental and emotionally and she’s hit him before. Basically we had said he wasnt allowed to bring her, but she lost her marbles and said either I come or I kick him out. So she’s coming; I can’t stand her. But we can’t choose the people our friends are with we just gotta suck it up. Out of all your wedding guests you won’t notice him trust me.

Post # 41
Member
10098 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
jamielynn86:  

I just want to say how much  I admire a person (  such as yourself) who asks, get quite  stern advice/responses and then posts a thoughtful , gracious re-think.  

I hope your wedding is wonderful.  

Post # 42
Member
927 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

Another thread about how a bridesmaid can’t bring a date. This never goes well…..  You won’t even realize he’s there you’re going to be too busy attending to other guest bee….. 

Post # 43
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

My ex was a lot like the way you describe your friends bf. If I had been invited to or in any weddings while we has been together, I’d have been completely understanding that he wasn’t invited. He was verbally and emotionally abusive to me, to my parents and to my friends. Isolated me away from them (and probably would have tried to prevent me from attending). I knew he was mad news, but felt trapped (he’s convinced me to share some credit with him, lease a car for him, put a phone for him in my name, etc (and so I was scared to leave because I knew I’d have to py for it all and I couldn’t afford it… we’ve now been apart 3 years and I’m still paying on it) and he is one who would have caused a scene (telling me what I could and couldnt do, who I could and couldnt talk to (basically any male was out of the question), even what I could and couldnt eat because I might get fat). So being invited without him would have been a chance to be away from him and actually feel safe (we lived together and I was terrified because I knew I couldn’t leave and I couldnt ask for help). 

So, all that being said, I’m of the opinion that you can invite and not invite whoever you want. 

Post # 44
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

View original reply
elderbee:  Agreed!

 

OP: I wish you the very best and commend you on your thoughtfulness and courtesy. I hope your friend realizes her self worth and gets out of that lousy relationship. Hopefully this will happen before your big day and you won’t have to put up with the moron. In any case, I hope your wedding is everything you hope. All the best!

Post # 45
Member
3163 posts
Sugar bee

how important is the friendship to you? If not very much then ban the date. Know though there’s a very good chance the friendship will be damaged irreperably, whether the relationship works out or not 

 

The topic ‘Telling your best friend their significant other cannot come….acceptable?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors