(Closed) Temper Tantrums (with adults) and how to set boundaries – advice needed!

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Is it like someone at work/ a customer snapped on you. Or personal??

Some people have issues in expressing anger, and whoever is closest gets the brunt of it. I walk away, or keep calm.

Post # 4
Member
6247 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 1900

I’m confused… are you dealing with someone who throws tantrums… or did you realize that you throw tantrums?

 

Future Mother-In-Law threw a temper tantrum over something wedding related.  I was shocked.  I had never seen a grown woman yell and cry and ignore us (FH and I were in the same room talking to her) because she couldn’t get her way.  We just spoke calmly and reiterated the point we were making and then let her stew and pout for however long she needed (she took weeks).  We just stopped contacting her and let her get over it herself. Eventually she came around to contacting FH and of course things are awkward because I still vividly remember her crazy behavior and the things she said but the deal was she doesn’t bring the issue up again, ever.  So I’m not going to either. 

 

Post # 6
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I treat adults who have temper tantrums like I treat children who have temper tantrums. I tell them that when they are calmed down I will explain but until then I have nothing left to say and that if you have something to say to me that we can talk when your more calm.

 

Generally works. Also works if you start jumping up and down and acting like a crazy person, they when they stop and look at you, say I was demonstrating what you looked like just now.

Post # 7
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

My mom has some mental health issues and probably a personality disorder, and she throws tantrums. I’m learning to set boundaries that I won’t talk to or deal with her when she gets that way. And I take time to cool off from it if necessary. Just keep calm and rational, set and keep boundaries, and walk away if need be.

Post # 9
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@seevan07:  My mom does it too, and I htink she may have some mental health issues. I finally…after years of this cycle…got her to go to a counseler with me. Fingers crossed she gets the help she needs!

Post # 10
Member
1170 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@oracle:  I wouldnt approach them. Make it clear to them that they can come to you.

Post # 11
Member
4311 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@oracle:  My SIL does this.  I decided to stop being the victim & I no longer have a relationship with her.  I did try talking it through with her first, but once I realized she was not going to help herslef I ixnayed that relationship.  Good riddance.

Post # 12
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MapleMoose:  OMG! A very similar thing just happened between me, Fiance, and Future Mother-In-Law. She went crazy, the situation was crazy… I felt like I was going crazy LOL. My plan is to leave it alone and let her come to me. I went through what happened over & over & even tried to see it from her POV and realized that Fiance & I did nothing wrong. Some people just can’t handle emotional situations such as a wedding like “normal” people do.

So, @oracle:  it sounds like you have reached out to this person after the tantrum and you are still being ignored. I know its hard, but I think you need to just back off and stay away. They probably need time to cool off and think about what happened and, unfortunately, they may need quite a while to do this.

Post # 14
Member
3265 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

My cousin’s Fiance is definitely a temper tantrum kind of adult. She is very immature in most ways and this is just another. These are some good tips on how to handle her though.

Post # 15
Member
1281 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Fiance is the BEST at dealing with dramatics of adults.  He’ll say something to the effect of, “When we can have an actual conversation without me being interrupted or you crying and yelling, come talk to me.” and then remove himself from the scene. 

Even if you did something wrong, you don’t deserve someone throwing a tantrum at you. 

Post # 16
Member
549 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@oracle:  honestly, I go as long as I want. If I feel any upset or discomfort when I start up skypenor an email (she is in another country for now), then I know I’m not ready just yet. Some people really can’t change, and at some point, I’ve had to accept this will happen. But now I have more control over when and how I talk to her.

The topic ‘Temper Tantrums (with adults) and how to set boundaries – advice needed!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors