Post # 1
I’m wondering if anyone out there has dealt or is dealing with adults who throw temper tantrums. We are talking – taking context completely out of – well – context, hanging up the phone because they are so upset, not listening to you explain yourself, etc.
I’ve always struggled with boundaries and am currently in the middle of dealing with this… I acknowledged the issue, apologized for the miscommunciation, yet am still feeling crappy.
Maybe what I need to figure out is how to feel less crappy the incident occured and maybe this isn’t about boundaries at all…. hmmm….
I can’t be alone in this…. help, hive!
Post # 3
Is it like someone at work/ a customer snapped on you. Or personal??
Some people have issues in expressing anger, and whoever is closest gets the brunt of it. I walk away, or keep calm.
Post # 4
I’m confused… are you dealing with someone who throws tantrums… or did you realize that you throw tantrums?
Future Mother-In-Law threw a temper tantrum over something wedding related. I was shocked. I had never seen a grown woman yell and cry and ignore us (FH and I were in the same room talking to her) because she couldn’t get her way. We just spoke calmly and reiterated the point we were making and then let her stew and pout for however long she needed (she took weeks). We just stopped contacting her and let her get over it herself. Eventually she came around to contacting FH and of course things are awkward because I still vividly remember her crazy behavior and the things she said but the deal was she doesn’t bring the issue up again, ever. So I’m not going to either.
Post # 5
@Ashley_B: no, it’s personal
@MapleMoose: not me, but directed at me. when i tried to calmly explain what I was doing, I was met by being talked over, some crying/dramatics, and eventually getting hung up on. I don’t think my POV was listened to or considered. It’s like it had already gone too far and it was past the point of being able to talk to the person (much like when a toddler is past the point of reasoning).
Post # 6
I treat adults who have temper tantrums like I treat children who have temper tantrums. I tell them that when they are calmed down I will explain but until then I have nothing left to say and that if you have something to say to me that we can talk when your more calm.
Generally works. Also works if you start jumping up and down and acting like a crazy person, they when they stop and look at you, say I was demonstrating what you looked like just now.
Post # 7
My mom has some mental health issues and probably a personality disorder, and she throws tantrums. I’m learning to set boundaries that I won’t talk to or deal with her when she gets that way. And I take time to cool off from it if necessary. Just keep calm and rational, set and keep boundaries, and walk away if need be.
Post # 8
@seevan07: how do decide when to approach her again? Meaning – I get the walk away – but when do you figure out when it’s diffused enough to have a rational conversation? I think I’m at the point where I’m getting the silent treatment (phone calls go unanswered, texts not responded to). It’s a full-on pout session.
Post # 9
@seevan07: My mom does it too, and I htink she may have some mental health issues. I finally…after years of this cycle…got her to go to a counseler with me. Fingers crossed she gets the help she needs!
Post # 10
@oracle: I wouldnt approach them. Make it clear to them that they can come to you.
Post # 11
@oracle: My SIL does this. I decided to stop being the victim & I no longer have a relationship with her. I did try talking it through with her first, but once I realized she was not going to help herslef I ixnayed that relationship. Good riddance.
Post # 12
@MapleMoose: OMG! A very similar thing just happened between me, Fiance, and Future Mother-In-Law. She went crazy, the situation was crazy… I felt like I was going crazy LOL. My plan is to leave it alone and let her come to me. I went through what happened over & over & even tried to see it from her POV and realized that Fiance & I did nothing wrong. Some people just can’t handle emotional situations such as a wedding like “normal” people do.
So, @oracle: it sounds like you have reached out to this person after the tantrum and you are still being ignored. I know its hard, but I think you need to just back off and stay away. They probably need time to cool off and think about what happened and, unfortunately, they may need quite a while to do this.
Post # 14
My cousin’s Fiance is definitely a temper tantrum kind of adult. She is very immature in most ways and this is just another. These are some good tips on how to handle her though.
Post # 15
Fiance is the BEST at dealing with dramatics of adults. He’ll say something to the effect of, “When we can have an actual conversation without me being interrupted or you crying and yelling, come talk to me.” and then remove himself from the scene.
Even if you did something wrong, you don’t deserve someone throwing a tantrum at you.
Post # 16
@oracle: honestly, I go as long as I want. If I feel any upset or discomfort when I start up skypenor an email (she is in another country for now), then I know I’m not ready just yet. Some people really can’t change, and at some point, I’ve had to accept this will happen. But now I have more control over when and how I talk to her.