(Closed) Temptation/Cheating

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What Keeps YOU From Cheating? (Please check ALL that apply to you)
    I'm satisfied, so I have no need to cheat. : (103 votes)
    28 %
    If I'm tempted I may fantasize about it, but would never actually do it. : (41 votes)
    11 %
    I would never want to hurt my SO/FI/DH that way, I would rather leave than cheat. : (85 votes)
    23 %
    My moral/religious compass is just too strong to allow me to do such a thing. : (39 votes)
    10 %
    I have cheated before. : (22 votes)
    6 %
    I have never cheated before, EVER, never even considered it. : (48 votes)
    13 %
    I have never cheated before, BUT I have considered it. : (12 votes)
    3 %
    I have cheated before, felt horrible and would never do it again. : (19 votes)
    5 %
    I have cheated before, did not feel bad. They deserved it! : (4 votes)
    1 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    1463 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    What keeps me from cheating is the love of my Fiance and I wouldnt want to hurt him given his history of being cheated on. It would completely devastate him and I wouldnt want to be the one who would inflict that kind of pain.

    I am older and I have been cheated on and have done the cheating when I was younger. When you find that special someone it is their feelings you think about and for me I am not interested in any man just him. I see attractive men everyday I am so not attracted to them.

    Post # 4
    Member
    7276 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I have been cheated on and I have also cheated. I agree with @niasg1:  that when you are with the right person you care so much about their feelings that cheating just doesn’t even cross your mind. I work with almost all males and while I find some attractive, it never even crosses my mind to do anything with them.

    Post # 5
    Member
    603 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    @niasg1:  this is how I also feel:)

    Post # 8
    Member
    9674 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2019

    What keeps people from cheating is caring about their partner, and not wanting to betray them and their relationship. Actually giving a damn about the other person and the relationship with them keeps them from cheating. As you can tell, I am very strong ly AGAINST cheating. Morally, religiously, in general I could NEVER do that to Fiance, never have done it, never will, and have never done it to any previous boyfriends, never even considered it.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Happy Hopeful Bee:  

     

    “BUT then, if you are feeling tempted then perhaps that should be a signal that something’s missing in your current relationship.”

    i don’t agree. Temptation is often rooted simply in attraction, and people do not go blind to other potential partners just because they’re in a committed relationship. It’s normal and perfectly okay to feel attracted to someone other than your partner; it’s not okay to act on those feelings, lead the other person on, or dig yourself into a hole from which you can’t escape.  Temptation in many cases is just our human biology at work. 

    Treating a feeling of temptation as a sign of problems in the relationship can cause unwarranted stress, over-analysing, and over reactions which in turn can cause conflict in the relationship. It’s just like how if I’m tempted by chocolate cake, it doesn’t mean that I’m un satisfied by my healthy diet; it just means chocolate cake looks good! And if I walk away without sampling the cake, then there’s no reason to analyse my diet. If anything, I should give myself credit for sticking to my commitment. And there’s an awful lot of chocolate cake out there (and lemon cake, pie, cookies….). I’ve not magically become unaware that it exists. If I can feel a little temptation now and then, it’s totally normal and no indication that anything is wrong, even if I’m putting it in my shopping basket. As long as I put it back !

     

    Post # 10
    Member
    1463 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @MrsBeck:  

    @lifegirl:  

    We have definitely found the men who are our equals because we cheated for different reasons then men or should I say I cheated for a different reason. I cheated because I felt that he was not giving me the emotional stimulation that I needed to hold my interest.

    Post # 12
    Member
    9115 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I’ve cheated. I was caught. It was the worst experience of my life. I was young and stupid and made a mistake — once a cheater is not always a cheater. I will never do it again because not only did it hurt him, it hurt me and I was wracked with guilt for years.

    I do not put myself in those situations anymore. Even though I was in high school, I learned my lesson and it is one I will never repeat. I’ve endured my guilt, I have made my amends, and I can truly say it’s something that won’t happen again.

    Post # 13
    Member
    9952 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    As someone who was married the first time for over 20 years, and stayed faithful… here is my take on the whole thing.

    To look, to think about (fantasize) … to maybe even feel tempted… these are all normal emotions.  BUT to actually DO something that puts you into a whole other realm.

    That is out-right DOING SOMETHING that is disrespectful to your mate… be it “emotional” cheating, a kiss… or the whole enchilada.

    And to me that is dishonest… whether you are a relgious person or not.

    I could NEVER do that to someone so blantently… someone who loves me.  I may as well take out a knife and rip out their heart.

    IF you get to the point that you are that unsure about your relationship, then you need to go get some counselling.

    IF it goes beyond that, then you need to come clean.

    As hard as it would be… if I felt my marriage (or relationship… in that I don’t believe in EVER Cheating) was over… then I OWE THAT to my partner to let them know I’ve had a change of heart.

    Close the door on one… before you move onto the next one.

    As someone who has been thru the pain of Divorce, I can say I distinctly KNEW when my Marriage was irretrevable… and that is the day I took my rings off.  And called it Quits.  Permanently… and didn’t look back (I didn’t have to, having spent over a year in Reflection, Counselling, etc.  I had given it for sure my best shot)

    So for the record… MY VOTES went:

    # 1, # 2, # 3, # 4… and the last one.

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 14
    Member
    1463 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    @Happy Hopeful Bee:  We all do things when we are younger that we wouldnt do now. I must confess when I was younger I was not the type that ever had regret about anything. I am so analytical that I think it about and whatever the decision is good or bad I am going to do it and not feel bad about.

    Thank God for maturity…hahaha

    Post # 15
    Member
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Happy Hopeful Bee:  I’m frequently tempted to rob a bank. I like free money! But that doesn’t make me a bank robber 😀

    The topic ‘Temptation/Cheating’ is closed to new replies.

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