(Closed) Tension with dad over money leading up to wedding (vent)

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Your dad sounds like a butthead (sorry for the term :). I can see not putting your kid through college (my parents didn’t pay for my school and they do very well)- but childsupport? I’d casually mention your mom is helping pay for [insert item here] and then innocently ask if he would like to get involved. If he says no- maybe it’s your cue to consider having your mother walk you down the aisle.

Parents aren’t obligated to give you money for the wedding, but with his track record (the childsupport thing got me- you were his financial responsibility and he was trying to avoid it) I’m all for minimizing his role in your day. You don’t get to be the prominent father of the bride and still dispute child support.

Post # 4
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@BlueRidgeMere:  Forgive me for being blunt but…your Dad doesn’t owe it to you to contribute toward your wedding.  Some parents do, yes, a lot don’t.  You need to get over your expectation that he should contribute and stop resenting him for being someone he’s not.  A guy who argues over child support and paying for an education isn’t going to offer up money for a wedding

Post # 5
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

The child support issue also threw me off.  you are his daughter, and he outright refused to pay child support?  that’s called a dead-beat dad.  i don’t think you’re going to get any support from him.  I agree that maybe you shouldn’t let him walk you down the aisle, either. I agree that parents aren’t responsible to pay for their child’s wedding, but this dad just sounds ridicioulus.

Post # 6
Member
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@maureen9004:  So Dad has to pay for the privililedge of walking his daughter down the aisle?  C’mon now. 

The OP said herself he’s been an involved father and while, yes, he does sound like a bit of a tightwad she didn’t say he failed to meet his financial obligations toward her. 

Post # 7
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

The child support thing is crazy! I don’t see how someone can justify that. The wedding and college, with as much as it sucks there really isn’t anything he owes you. You said, “I don’t expect a handout or want him to think that I expect that of him” but isn’t that what you want? You want money from him to pay for your wedding. Whether or not he has a lot or a little, its his decision what he does with it.

Post # 8
Member
529 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@BlueRidgeMere: To answer your question, yes. But it was hubby’s parents. 

I’m sorry you are hurting, but there’s nothing you can do. The only thing you can do is when all is said and done you can take pride in knowing that you guys did it on your own (and with the support of the others you mentioned including your mom, of course) !

I don’t know if it’s a cultural or regional thing, but I am in the boat that expected the parents to WANT to contribute. My side did, his, nada.

…and I look at it this way, I don’t feel like I have to be nice to her because of any money she gave us lol…(the history is that she uses a broom stick to ride into work 😉

Cheer up ! You’re gettin’ married ! CONGRATS !

Post # 9
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree that your dad isn’t at all obligated to contribute…but of course, you know this already. I have to say, based on his previous behavior, even if he was aware that it’s often traditional for the brides’ parents to help out, I would think that he probably wouldn’t. I guess I would question how supportive he really is of you if he doesn’t even seem able to sympathize that you’re in a tough financial position (not necessarily offer you money, but just sympathize and give you emotional support). At the same time, if it were me, I would still let him walk me down the aisle, if that’s something he wants. Weddings are stressful, and it may be that after the wedding you guys will regain the fairly close relationship that you seemed to have before.

Althouh I gotta say, I don’t get not wanting to help out with college or pay child support. What’s his reasoning behind that, if you happen to know?

Post # 10
Member
6351 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m sorry you are hurting. Sometimes parents don’t recognize the consequences their actions have on their children. Arguing to not pay child support? I’d imagine that is more painful that not helping with the wedding.

I think your wedding sounds great and you should be able to do it within your budget.

Post # 11
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

Please don’t let money and 1 day come between you and your father.

I’m sorry your hurt 🙁

Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Its nice if the dad contributes but he doesnt have to. If he can afford to contribute and he doesnt thats very sad, but given his record I wouldnt lose too much sleep over it, cos he’s made it clear he doesnt want to spend money on you. Personally if my dad didnt want to pay child support I wouldnt even keep him in my life and would not let him walk me down the aisle. He cant just be a dad when its glamorous and get all the dad “glory” and then not be there to support you

Post # 13
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

You need to sit down and talk to your dad about why you’re not connecting with him as much lately.  He (and everyone else) has no obligation or responsibility to pay for any of your wedding and you need to be okay with that.  If you are having trouble with the budget, you have a few options, A) get married in the courthouse, have a reception later when you’ve saved enough, B) take out a loan, C) go to websites geared for budget weddings…this is not the place for price shopping.  Check out Craig’s List, ebay, Off Beat Bride and other such places to score your items at a cost.  yes, you might be getting used/off beat ideas…but then you can still have your reception and pay for it all ON YOUR OWN.

Post # 14
Member
2373 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

@lisa105:  Like I said in my post, with his track record I feel differently. Not wanting to pay child support is sort of a mark that sticks. Even if he was “emotionally” present, bailing (or even wanting to) financially on a child (especially if you have the means) isn’t something I can overlook. The posters knows her father didn’t want to pay child support if it wasn’t that big of a deal it never would have come to her attention.

 It’s how I feel, not the general consensus. I’m not really sure why you feel the need to call people out who do not agree with you. State your opinion for the OP and let her make up her own mind.

Post # 15
Member
2204 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Have you asked him outright if he is “able” or going to contribute?

I’d rather just put it out there, face value and ask him instead of wondering. Just explain that you are working on the budget and as the father of the bride, you figured you’d just ask. Don’t be accusatory or malicious, just a simple question.

Unfortunately, based on his past behaviour, I wouldn’t expect anything 🙁

But like others have said, don’t let this get between you and him.

Post # 16
Member
1986 posts
Buzzing bee

I have a question, you said you were little, are you sure you know all the details of the childsupport issue? Sometimes parents can run a smear campaign even if they don’t intend to, and it’s very possible that there were other issues going on, not simply that he just didn’t want to pay to support you.

The topic ‘Tension with dad over money leading up to wedding (vent)’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors