(Closed) Tentatively Approached by BIL and SIL About Surrogacy

posted 2 weeks ago in Adoption & Surrogacy
Post # 61
Member
6642 posts
Bee Keeper

I’m glad you’re being thoughtful but here’s my take.  And I’m pretending that I’m 10 years younger. Because at my age and we want to try for one it would be a hard no from me. 

That aside since this clearly interferes with your own family planning I’d love to suggest another option.  Instead of no forever you complete your family first and then you can deal with what comes with that (maybe you have one easily or not but you don’t have it complicated with this). Then when complete you can then consider being a surrogate.  

Obviously don’t make them wait for an answer for years but for now it’s a hard no until you can heal postpartum and then consider a second baby.  Then if they still want to go ahead with it (if you are still up for it) then revisit if they haven’t started the process elsewhere.  I’ve changed my mind and added a response below after rereading the thread.  

Post # 62
Member
6642 posts
Bee Keeper

Changed mind and comment.  Edited

Post # 63
Member
6642 posts
Bee Keeper

I just reread the posts and you sound really unsure.  And for something of this magnitude it needs to be a yes I really want this. This isn’t anything to feel bad about this was a huge ask from them.  This sounds like a no.  And that’s ok. It’s ok to say no. 

Post # 64
Member
7571 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think this is an important question to consider:

Given that they have been striggling for a while now at any time during this period (prior to them suggesting it) did you think hey maybe I should offer to be a surrogate? So I am basically asking would you have independently brought up being their surrogate if they hadn’t asked?

Think hard and be truthful.

  • This reply was modified 1 week, 1 day ago by j_jaye.
Post # 65
Member
84 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
@sandiegobee:  I was thinking the same thing, in relation to organ donation. “It never hurts to ask” does NOT apply to things this serious, this personal, with this much potential for a “no” to be guilt-inducing.

I have no experience with surrogacy, but I am a living organ donor, so I have some pretty strong feelings about this. I donated a kidney to my husband (non-direct, because we weren’t a match), but if I had not been able to, we would not have asked anyone we know (friend, family member, or acquaintence) to donate. If someone had offered, we would have considered, but only if the original idea was theirs. 

Post # 67
Member
13924 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I think you made the only rational decision you could for all the reasons you listed and 100 more that you probably haven’t even thought of yet. You are obviously a very giving and generous person, but to put your own plans and your own child’s needs at risk never made any sense at this stage in your life IMO. 

I can better understand now why they asked you. I don’t even know what I would have said to your H in your place. Coming from a good place in his heart notwithstanding, what was he thinking?! 

Post # 68
Member
2001 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

View original reply
@laurana1:  so glad you though this through

What the heck was your husband thinking? You wouldn’t offer up someone else’s kidney

Post # 69
Member
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I have to agree with the “what on Earth was your Dh thinking”! Your uterus is not for rent! But I am glad that you thoughtfully considered all the possibilities and came to what I agree is the right decision for you. 

Post # 70
Member
6642 posts
Bee Keeper

View original reply
@BuzzedBumblingBee:  I’m seconding this and saying WTF to that suggestion without even pre consulting you. 

The topic ‘Tentatively Approached by BIL and SIL About Surrogacy’ is closed to new replies.

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