Post # 1
I am in the unfortunate position where two of the people I would really love to have at our wedding are terminally ill.
One is my Grandad who will definitely not be able to physically attend the wedding due to the travel involved, but if he hasn’t passed we’ll take some time out to Skype with him. I fully intend to invite him knowing that he won’t be able to come and we’ve had that conversation a couple of times.
The other is somebody I consider to be extended family, although really I’m good friends with her son and daughter-in-law. This is more difficult because the diagnosis is very recent and has progressed quite quickly. I’m not sure what approach to take; I thought I could maybe ask the daugher-in-law for her view?
The reason I’m posting now for a 2018 wedding is that we’re preparing to send our Save the Dates and I don’t want to upset anybody either by excluding or including them.
Post # 2
As a hospice nurse, I think the best course would be to ask her family what they think. If that provides no clear direction, send the STD, anyway, but ONLY if you think it will get out to her that she’s been left out. If she’ll know, perhaps send it with a personal note, indicating that you’ve heard the news, and ask if there is anything you can do to help. Otherwise, no STD. But definitely an invite, when the time comes.
Post # 3
I’m terribly sorry to hear this but have a similar story that I think you’ll appreciate!
The widow of my fiance’s grandfather’s best friend (from childhood, college, went to war together and my fiance was also (her) lawyer- long family history!) was very ill. We debated about inviting her, knowing she probably wouldn’t be able to physically make it to the wedding if she was still living. We ultimately did.
She passed recently, and while in her home, helping to invetory the estate, my fiance saw our Save the Date stuck up on her fridge. I am so so glad we invited her, and I’m guessing ours was one of the last invitations she received in her lifetime.
Post # 4
Just from personal experience, how I dealt with this type of situation–Both my grandparents weren’t well enough to travel for my wedding, but I sent invitations anyways just so they could have a copy to keep if they wanted (I figured it would be sentimental for them since I was the first of 13 grandkids to get married).
DH’s great uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer shortly before our save the dates went out, but we sent one to him and his wife anyways. We visited him a few times between then and the wedding, and he was very upbeat and optimistic about attending our wedding. Unfortunately his cancer was very aggressive and he passed away 4 months before we got married (about 5 months after his diagnosis). We ended up putting a framed photo of him up with our “In Memory” candle. His wife still attended our wedding, and it meant a lot to her that we honored him there and we gave her the framed photo to take with her after the wedding ended.
Post # 5
We had this situation with my step-mum’s parents. We ultimately sent the invitation to both of them, knowing her mum wouldn’t make it. Darling Husband and I wanted her to feel included and even though she wouldn’t attend, it didn’t mean we wouldnt have loved to have her there. My step-mum’s dad didn’t RSVP on their behalf and I get that I would hate to just write myself out when I’d been writing me and Darling Husband for however many years but we knew the situation and didn’t need an actual RSVP.
Post # 6
I think it’s nice to invite them – I think they (and family) would appreciate the gesture of still being included, even if realistically they know there’s a slim chance it will happen. The cost of sending the invite is fairly nominal, and you know the liklihood of them attending so you can budget/plan accordingly.
Post # 7
I put myself back a few years ago, to when I was helping my mom during her long slow decline. She couldnt go anywhere but doctor’s offices and emergency rooms. If she had gotten a wedding invitation during that time, I would have smirked and thought “yeah right” and put it aside. BUT if someone had called and spoke with me about how they wish my mom could come to the wedding, ask after her, say they are thinking about her even though they would understand if she is not able to make it… well that would be a much better, very nice thing. So do that.
Post # 8
Thanks all. I’ll speak to the family; perhaps I can send a “The Smiths” save the date, explain that it includes the parents as well, and then name them all individually on the invites. 🙂
Post # 9
My uncle is house bound with severe arthritis he’s had all his life. We knew there was absolutely 0 chance he’d make it to the wedding, but we sent him a save the date and invite anyway. It’s the feeling included that means a lot I think, esp if you’re cut off or ill.
Post # 10
I wanted to update… Unfortunately I can’t tell you what I’ve ended up doing, because the wonderful lady in question passed away. Removing her name from the guest list seems so final, somehow. 🙁
I still plan to include my grandfather on a save the date. I intend to include a note (unless I fly out around that time and can deliver it in person) explaining that we’ll do a skype call.
Post # 11
I’m so sorry to read that 🙁 Thinking of you!
Post # 12
I think in such a situation , send the save the dates and/or invitation regardless, no question. No need to ask anybody anything . Not to invite is kind of insensitive and, as pps have said, having one , even if impossible to attend, is nice.
Post # 13
- Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas
EDIT TO ADD: So sorry for your loss. It’s never easy losing someone. 🙁
I would send them invites. It’s just nice to include them. You never know.
We were in the same situation with my hubby’s grandpa. He is in his early 90s, and his heart is failing. He had to have major heart surgey just like 3 months before our wedding. We naturally assumed he wouldn’t attend since his overall outlook wasn’t good, but wanted him to have an invite anways.
Guess what? He traveled all the way from Indiana to Nevada to be with us on our special day, even with his poor heart. He had his adult son follow him everywhere with a camping chair so he could rest whenever he wanted if he had to walk. He was determined to see his last grandchild be married.
He would have been heartbroken had we not invited him.
My hubby also had an aunt who we knew was in too poor of health to travel, but we sent her one anyways too. She really appreciated it, despite not being able to attend.