(Closed) Terminate his parental rights?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
2201 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

If this was me, I’d definitely look into terminating his parental rights. He doesn’t appear to WANT to be a father, and will probably look at it as an easy way out of child support payments.

Kids need consistency and stability and your son isn’t getting that from his biological father.

The worst the biological father can do is say “no” – in which case you can tell him he needs to be a bigger part of his son’s life because it’s the only fair thing for the kid.

Post # 4
Member
2114 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

If this is something you are considering I think you should talk to the bio-dad first , it may save a bunch of legal hassle and $$$ or perhaps give him the wake-up he needs to be involved in your sons life. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I was adopted by my mom’s second husband when I was 4, and my bio dad terminated his rights to me legally. PM me if you have any questions.

Post # 6
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MarryMeTiffany: Definately talk with bio dad in person or over the phone first. This is not something you text to someone.

I have a daughter from a previous relationship and her dad hadn’t seen her in 8 years, she’s nine (he passed away earlier this year). I had looked in to this as well a long itme ago. If he is not agreebale it is very difficult in some states to have the court approve. As long as he pays child support and doesn’t go longer then 6-12 months without seeing, it doesn’t really count as abandonment in my state.

Post # 7
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

I say no.  If bio dad wanted his rights terminated he would say so and save himself the child support money.  I am not saying that he isn’t about worthless as a father, but I don’t think that as mothers we have the right to say that a man was good enough to make a baby with but not good enough to have parental rights.  I am a bit passionate about this because I believe in living out the choices we make.  I suppose you could ask, but if he says no, let it go.  You chose your sons father, that isn’t just something you can undo if you change your mind about someone.

Post # 8
Member
1571 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@MrsFuzzyFace: I have to respectfully disagree with this. If there is an option to make a situation better, even if the situation is a result of your choices, I see no problem with taking that option.

If you believe your child will have a better life if you terminate his father’s biological father, I think you should absolutely give it a shot.

Post # 9
Member
3776 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2004

@LMD84: I do see your perspective too.  That is what makes situations like this so stressful.  There really are no easy answers here. 

Blessings as you consider your options and future for your son.

Post # 11
Member
5655 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

I would definitely talk to him about terminating his rights. I don’t know about your state but I know here in Texas, as long as DS’s bio dad still has his parental right, DS goes to him if anything happens to me.. there is nothing I can do about it.

You could always have him contacted through your lawyer. Maybe not the most accepted option, but if you can’t get in touch with him it may be considered option.

Post # 12
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I understand not wanting him to have a different last name, but I don’t really see him suffering for it.  If your FH is willing to be a good father, that is all he needs.  I say keep getting the child support and let bio dad continue to be a void.  Your DS will afterall always know who is bio dad is, and that FH is a step-dad/adopted dad.  They can still be close to each other.

In my experience the child was more hurt/confused about why his dad gave up his parental rights than if he had just not been there for him.  He wanted to know why he wasn’t wanted.  It was sad.

Post # 13
Member
1763 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@MarryMeTiffany: Some states also require you to me married for x amount of time before a step-parent can adopt. I think you should definately find more about your state laws before you spend money on a lawyer. Also if there are time requirements, a lot can happen in that time so try to remain open to bio dad stepping up. Do speak with his family at all?

Post # 14
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@MightySapphire: I’m sure it varies with every situation, but I can think of two people I was close to that went through something like this. One girl’s bio father terminated parental rights when she was very young. I knew her in middle school/HS, and by that point she could barely remember the last time she’d seen him, and was extremely thankful that her stepdad loved her enough to make her his own daughter.

In another situation, the girl’s father refused to terminate rights, yet he lived in another state and she could not remember ever seeing him. She tried to contact him once, he responded, then suddenly stopped talking to her- for her it was like a second abandonment and she took it hard. She kept saying she didn’t know why he wouldn’t let her go completely if he didn’t want her anyway. Either way, feeling that a parent doesn’t want you is rough, whether they have the legal rights of not.

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