(Closed) Terrible Bridesmaids/MOHs.. What about the good?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
531 posts
Busy bee

I have been touched by the actions of both of my bridesmaids.

One bridesmaid came with me dress shopping one day and took the lead on planning a girls night out before the wedding.

The other bridesmaid is getting on airplane to come home to be at my bridal shower, in addition to flying home for the wedding.

I am very grateful to both of my bridesmaids.  I think this all comes down to perspective.  Are you grateful for the things that people do do or do you focus on the things that you think people should do that they don’t do?  Is the glass half full or half empty?  One outlook is a path to happiness and the other is not.

Post # 3
1246 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I had three bridesmaids–one of whom was my cousin and helped plan my wedding shower, one of whom was my best friend who held a bachlorette party that involved just hanging out and watching movies, which was exactly what I asked for, and one of whom flew in to spend time with me. They did absolutely nothing else other than show up and participate (I bought the dresses, they had the choice of getting their hair and makeup done if they wanted) and that was more than enough.

I honestly don’t get the obsession with having your bridesmaids do all this ridiculous stuff–I mean, I know how stressful planning the wedding was for me. Why would I ever want to put someone else through that???

Post # 4
7414 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

I had 4 BMs, my 2 sisters and 2 friends.  They were incredible.  My sister/MOH had her just shy of a 2 year old with her and was obviously somewhat busy tending to him (which I fully expected and was completley okay with) but the other girls totally rallied and helped her with him so she could give her Maid/Matron of Honor speech. 

One of my BMs totally ran intereference, she handled everything that came up, I knew nothing of the issues that were happening (our cupcakes went missing…)

They were all incredible, I’m so lucky to have an amazing group of people.

The only thing I can complain about – they were all so worried about making me happy they wouldn’t choose their own dresses!  Seriously, that was my biggest problem, I had to tell them what to wear.

Post # 5
451 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

This is a really nice idea for a thread πŸ™‚

My wedding is in two months time & my BMs have been amazing so far. I haven’t asked them to do too much, but we found the dresses on our first shopping trip, everyone has agreed on budgets, shoes were open for each person to choose but they all chose the same shoes in the end..

My bridal shower & hens party are coming up & I am not stressed one little bit about them. They have planned the events all on their own & have just asked for a few of my preferences. I accidently caught a glimpse of the bridal shower invite & it is sooo beautiful & exactly my taste.

I love my girls & I am so pleased that I chose them <3


Post # 6
409 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I only have two bridesmaids, but I really couldn’t imagine having anymore because the three of us have been best friends since our teens. They both live far away, and neither of them have much money due to work/school situations. I will probably have to help them with the cost of their dresses and am paying for their hair and makeup.

And you know what? I could care less about those details.

I’m an introvert and have lost touch with a lot of friends over the years, but these two have been loyal to a fault and would not ever imagine letting me fall out of their lives. They’re very supportive of what I want, and I know that there will be no drama between bridesmaids because we’re all so close. If anyone tried to start any drama leading up to the wedding, they would jump through hoops to shut it down before anything reached me. My Maid/Matron of Honor will be in charge of the wedding day emergency kit in case any garments need hemmed, someone needs an aspirin, etc., and she’ll also coordinate with the best man to make sure the bridal party is all dressed, lined up, and ready to go on time. Oh, and I already told her to confiscate my phone so no one can call me with last-minute questions. 

At the end of the day, I just want them there, in dresses that we all love, and enjoying the day with me. Anything else is icing on the cake. 

Post # 7
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
rendezvous89:  Two of my bridesmaids lived very far out of town, so I never expected them to attend any events or help out in any way (before the day-of). My SIL lives about an hour away and she was my Maid/Matron of Honor. She planned everything by herself and it was all beautiful. She was the only one to replied consistantly to all of my wedding emails, she organized and executed all of the events with girls who weren’t in my wedding party, and she was eager to help and excited every time I spoke to her. She’s a real gem, honestly. We just told her she’s going to be a firs-time aunt in the fall and she’s beyond thrilled and excited.

Post # 9
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

I’m so happy with my girls too!

I have three bridesmaids, two of them my close friends and one, is my cousin. my cousin is 13 and with the rest of her family are flying from Australia (to the UK) to be there for my wedding so amazing points to them! 

one of my bridesmaid is a close friend but we have long distance friendship now. she has been great, she’s always interested and excited about my wedding when I ask/show/text her stuff to do with the wedding. we’ve been planning for a year and she’s still interested! she has offered advice/suggestions without being pushy. she has taken the day off work the day before the wedding without being ask because she knew that marquee would need decorating and my parents would need help with running errands (they are doing the catering and the wedding will be at their house). 

my Maid/Matron of Honor has been super lovely too! she is organising and paying for my hen do which is so kind of her! she knows I was disappointed about our honeymoon having to be cancelled due to money reasons so she offered to pay for it. we decided to decline the offer (we felt it was too much) but it was so thoughtful of her. she has planned her leave (from work) around my wedding and she is taking week off around my wedding to help out. 

my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaid hadn’t met before but both have been worked together so well (they have now met once). they added each other on fb and texting details/plans for the hen do, sharing ideas with no trouble. no-one disagreed about the dress or shoes or anything. 

I’ve had three other friends (not bridesmaids) helping out too and they have been amazing, gone out of their way to be a great help! I’m a happy bride!

Post # 10
46 posts

I am having a terrible time as a Maid/Matron of Honor for a friend right now.  I’ve been Maid/Matron of Honor twice before though and didn’t have any drama/problems.  it was a little bit stressful for me, but i was truly happy for them and felt honored to get to be a part of their weddings.  One thing I have learned though from perusing the boards at weddingbee.com is that the drama I’m having now, it’s not supposed to happen.  it doesn’t happen to good friends.  It doesn’t happen to people who get along and put others first.  I like seeing posts like this one because it reminds me that what i’m experiencing now isn’t how its supposed to be.  

Post # 13
46 posts

Lol.  Well i’ve told her my “frustrations”.  i guess its time to straight up tell her im mad.  you’re right, it shouldn’t be this difficult.  Thanks!

Post # 14
5879 posts
Bee Keeper

Thanks for this thread. It getskind of exhausting reading the negative all the time.

Post # 15
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I love this thread!  There are way too many complaints about BMs not doing exactly what the bride wants.  I have 3 BMs and they are all awesome.  All I’ve asked them to do is get the dress and they’ve all gone above and beyond for me.  I was surprised that the’ve been so into the planning process they all want to be.  My Maid/Matron of Honor has taken the lead on the shower and has been so awesome about working with my mom and getting her input.  Another Bridesmaid or Best Man has been so excited to plan the bachelorette which I thought was so nice because she’s the Maid/Matron of Honor (and only BM) in a wedding a month before mine so I know she has a lot on her plate.


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