(Closed) Terrible Experience at First RE Appointment

posted 5 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

BeeBlake:  My advice would be find another RE.  They are like any other doctor where some have great “bedside” manners and other forgot to develop their people skills.  If you don’t click with a doctor there is no reason you should have to go to that one.

Post # 3
Member
1770 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

Depending on this REs references, I might try out what he suggests.  If that does not work seek out a new RE.

Post # 4
Member
388 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I second the idea of finding another RE, if that’s at all possible.  They are definitely not all like this and I understand your hesitation at continuing to work with someone you’re not comfortable with during such a sensitive time.  I ran into this with my regular OB/GYN practice’s fertility specialist.  He isn’t an RE but was the most knowledgable doctor in the practice regarding infertility.  I was extremely unhappy with him for a number of reasons, one similar to yours.  We decided to try an RE and the experience couldn’t have been more different.  The office was warm and inviting, our first visit was lengthy and we were given many opportunities to ask questions.  He talked about first steps as well as where things might go but was always focused on making sure we were comfortable with the conversation.  He outlined all the testing and then we took care of baseline bloodwork, etc right there in the office.

It doesn’t have to be like your experience and I’m sorry it was so disheartening.  It’s such a lonely process and having a doctor who understands that is huge.

Post # 5
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

BeeBlake:  I can’t speak for your RE’s bedside manner in terms of how open or friendly he was, but other than needing to know the date of your last period and if they are regular, your RE  will conduct his own testing to determine fertility. Speaking from my own experience, my RE wasn’t interested in any tracking that I’d been doing, because the first steps at his clinic is to go through an investigative cycle that included sonohysteriograph, SA, and blood work and scans right through FW and O. Basically they want to find this info out for themselves rather than relying on our data, which may be flawed. Strictly speaking from my own experience, tracking  such as BBT, CM, OPKs, apps, etc, are of no interest to REs because they know they need to do their due diligence and run their own testing.

The length of our appt was pretty much the same and we left feeling confident that there was finally a plan in place for us to have a child. I’m sorry you had negative feelings after your appt.  It’s important that you have a good rapport and confidence in your RE as you will be going through lots of testing as well as through an emotional journey with them. As such, you may want to seek out an RE that you feel more comfortable with. Best of luck to you!

Post # 6
Member
9554 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe they just assume you’ve exhausted the obvious options already?

Post # 7
Member
14969 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I remember that when we filled out all the forms and everything, once of them was how often you have intercourse.  If you had filled that in and it was at least 2-3x a week, then it could safely be assumed that you managed to hit your fertile window without really trying.  I think the concern for those inaccurately identifying fetrile windows are those that do not have regular intercourse and focus only on that window.

Our first appointment was about a an hour about family history, testing we’ve done, results, options moving forward, etc.  I kind of understand why he would not have as much to discuss if he felt your forms contained the information he needed, and additional diagnostic testing would gather more information than what you could tell him though.  How to get pregnant?  Well, have sex.  If lots of sex isnt working, run tests.  There’s only so much to discuss.  However, if you are not comfortable wiht your doctor, you should definitely speak to another.

Post # 8
Member
4062 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I have to agree with  lanibug. I know it’s tough, believe me, we were so nervous for our first appointment! But I think it might be about adjusting your expectations a bit. I went into ours expecting nothing more than a referral for testing…our doc gave us a quick pep talk of how we’re young, etc etc, asked about where I was in my cycle, but that was about it other than explaining the tests we’d do.

I think most REs assume that if you know enough to seek their help it’s because you are having regular sex. They also, as lani mentioned want to confirm for themselves that you’re ovulating, etc. 

Think about it this way: say you have a blocked tube. Would it really matter when you were having sex? Not really. They want to have as much info as possible before moving forward in terms of what they suggest. Maybe at your next appointment they’ll talk more about timing, and so on.

Post # 9
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m sorry you had such a terrible experiance.  I think you should get another RE.  You need to feel comfortable with the Dr. especially if you do need some sort of procedure.  The RE I saw spent an hour with me before he came up with a plan.   Good luck and please don’t let this experiance change your mind of what you really want – a baby. 

Post # 11
Member
4062 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

BeeBlake:  I totally understand. It’s tough, and not how any of us pictured this would go down….no one plans on making a baby this way. It’s really hard to keep emotions and expectations in check, because none of us know what to expect, or what to compare it to.

I’m weird, but it kinda made me feel good when our RE wasn’t saying stuff like “poor you”, or even giving us sympathy…it made me feel like at least he believed this would happen one way or another, so there was no need to feel bad for us.

I hope you enjoy your vacation, and have a chance to relax and enjoy some r&r with your hubby!

Post # 12
Member
312 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

 

BeeBlake:  I think you might have just found a bad one! I would suggest looking for a different one in your area and dont let this get you discourage. I absolutely loved mine adn the whole office, in the short 4 months we were with them I felt like they all got to know me, and when it was time that I “grduated” from there a few weeks ago (I was able to get pregnant and they sent me back to my ob at 9 weeks) my husband and I were both upset about leaving, and they all gave us hugs goodbye, even the doc.

Post # 13
Member
2787 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

BeeBlake:  If you absolutely don’t feel comfortable with your RE, you should make an appointment with a different one, this may end up being a very stressful journey and you want to work with a doctor that you feel absolutely comfortable with. My current RE is my 3rd opinion RE hahaha Darling Husband was actually annoyed at me making appointments with different doctors, but once we found our current RE Darling Husband had to admit I was right to keep looking. Wishing you an amazing vacation!

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