Post # 1
New bee here, just looking to vent. I had a huge fight with SO yesterday. Basically it started with me saying that he needs to listen more as I don’t feel heard most of the time. He got really mad and said he doesn’t have time for this shit, he hates fights and told me to just suck it up.
I told him well, I can’t not say anything if something is bothering me rite? And he was like yes you can, just suck it up, its call sacrifice. Huh? What? Then he said maybe we should just be friends then. He then left and came back a few hours later, apologized, said he’ll try to do better and well end of story.
He acted like everything is fine today and I juz dunno what to say anymore, so I din’t. I can’t even begin to sort out my feelings now, Im not sure if Im even mad anymore, just terribly sad.
Post # 2
How old are you, how long have you been dating, and didn’t he break up with you when he said you should just be friends? That’s how I would take a comment like that.
Post # 3
Someone who disregards how you’re feeling like that literally does not care about you.
Post # 4
ElephantAndTheFlea : We’re both 27. That’s how I took it too. Slightly less than two yrs. I know the way I wrote the post make us sound like kids, Im just rambling honestly, lying in bed being upset and confused.
Post # 5
Uh, DTMFA. I’d venture to say that’s emotionally abusive of him, to invalidate and silence you like that. I’m sorry. 🙁
Post # 6
He sounds like he’s 17, not 27. I wouldn’t stand for a man talking to me like that.
Post # 7
That sounds terrible!!! And not at all like how you should be treated. People who care about each other want to make sure the other person feels listened to and respected — it sounds like he just wants what’s convenient and easy for him. That would be unacceptable to me. And tossing around comments like “maybe we just shouldn’t be together then” or “maybe we should just be friends”? Completely not okay.
Is this a relationship worth salvaging, if you feel disrespected and not heard and unable to calmly express your needs without being yelled at and him tossing breakup threats around? Are things between you two good other than this, and do you see a long-term future with him?
Post # 8
This is not how a 27 year old should be acting. I would talk to him very seriously. Look him in the eye and tell him you are not feeling heard and you need that in order to make this relationship work. He is treating you like crap and he isn’t putting your feelings into account — that is a big, big deal, and something that should not be ignored.
Post # 9
Wait wait…so you tried to express your feelings about not being heard…he wouldn’t listen to you, got angry, left, returned to apologize and never actually heard you express your feelings?
So he proved you 100% right?
At some point in every relationship, a couple will disagree. The question is whether you can resolve your problems in a healthy manner. Your SO was dismissive, aggressive and disrespectful AND you never actually addressed the problem.
If I was you, I’d take him up on just being friends. Except I don’t even see why you need a friend like that in your life.
Post # 10
This sounds incredibly immature, and borderline abusive. I honestly wouldn’t stay with a person like this, though I have experienced a relationshipjust like it. I think you should try to talk to him one more time – this time about that outburst and how disrespectful and hurtful it was. If he won’t stop to listen or pulls that “sacrifice” or “suck it up” crap, leave. If he doesn’t pull that card, but doesn’t change or has another temper tantrum, leave. A 27 year old should be able to communicate and treat you with the respct you deserve.
Post # 11
chelsey89 : Honey, I think you know you deserve better right? You deseve to be heard and respected in your relationship – you are getting neither. He clearly doesn’t want to make changes so save yourself and dump his ass.
Post # 12
Doesn’t matter that he apologized, in my opinion. Do you want that to be your life? Because it will be. Not only will you feel unheard, now you’ll walk on eggshells and not say anything because when you do you’ll be afraid he’ll threaten to break up and storm out. That’s not how loving, committed adults handle their issues and it appears he is none of those things – neither loving nor committed nor an adult.
Post # 13
Have you had fights before where he’s held your relationship hostage?
Post # 14
llevinso : One other time, same thing he came back and apologize told me you know I love you etc.
Post # 15
I used to have these sort of fights with my then boyfriends when I was a teenager xD
Please, do not fall for him and his honey words. You deserve to be listen to, heard to, paid attention to. If he is unable of doing so, there is no reason for you to stay…or do you really want to always have to suck it up?
Don’t care for how much he apologizes or tells you he loves you. Words are just that, words, what he should be doing is proving to you that he means each and every word -which he won’t do. He regrets treating you that way? Then he should sit down and listen to you, hear you, pay attention to you. Not just apologize everytime he breaks up with you :S
You are 27. Do not waste your life and time in a teenager’s relationship.