(Closed) Terrible First Christmas: Need Advice

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 77
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@mrsgrant:  This is SO not ok.  This is actually a red flag for me.  I don’t really have any advice for you right now, but just want you to know this is not how a normal person acts!  $100 is plenty to spend on a christmas gift, in my opinion, and you went well over that.  I’m so sorry for his behavior.  🙁

Post # 78
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee

I don’t want to hurt you but your husband is selfish, i wouldn’t ever marry such a guy. He certainly hurted you, i would be hellish angry. There;s no way i would ever heasr such a word from my husband mouth like returning my present. A 300 dollar gift is still so much for me. Christmas is a day when you get all together, day when Jesus borned after all, for sure not a day when we should care about fancy things. Even a 5 dollars gift shouildn’t make him hurt you, you’re more important than any laptop in this world. I’m so sorry for you. 

Post # 79
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema

From what I’ve read, I think if I were you I would rush out immediately and buy him a gift he deserves!

 

A plastic baby rattle since he insists on acting like a toddler.

Post # 81
Member
188 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

View original reply
@MissBettsy:  Ha! Probably not the first to say this, but I wish we could “like” posts!

 

OP, I’m so sorry he threw such a fit and spoiled the day. When I read that he’d taken your purse I was even more appalled, though I would have done exactly what you did and told him to take it back and use the money for his precious laptop. With way more yelling involved. 🙁  You’re a freakin’ saint, I would have handed him his ass yesterday. My own DH has some pretty selfish tendencies (only child, spoiled rotten) and I immediately call him on that sh*t. You had an agreement; that he “forgot” isn’t your fault, and he should be grateful for any gifts you get for him. Gratitude, By The Way, does not permit complaining. “Thanks, but let me tell you why your gift actually sucks.” NO.

I can’t fathom getting angry over a bunch of new clothes, a generous gift card and love tokens that probably took a lot of thought and time to put together! If he was disappointed he could have kept it to himself like a rational person would do. Make some new tokens that say you owe him a lump of coal, a kick in the shins and bird poop all over his car. See how he likes that compared to what you gave him before!

Post # 82
Member
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I can’t believe you want to marry this guy…

Post # 84
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

After reading some of the other posts, I agree with a PP who said that gift cards are the “cheap” way out. It may not be the popular opinion on here but I can understand why your husband is annoyed/pissed at you. For all you know, is that he DID spend lots of time searching for the perfect bag for you and spent quite a bit of his own money on YOU (since you’ve mentioned you don’t have joint accounts it’s his own money) to only have gotten some clothes on sale, gift cards, and “love tokens”. To be completely honest, I think love tokens are really cheap and over used on so many occasions. It’s kind of like the “back up” plan when you don’t have anything else in mind.

You’ve already mentioned that he has expensive taste and you must have known that when you married him. There isn’t an excuse to behave the way he did but I can absolutely see why he’d be upset with you after he spent a lot of time picking something he thought you’d love, to not get much from you. If he needs a new laptop (and you apparently know this) then I don’t understand why you couldn’t just get it for him since you keep tossing around that you can afford it. If he needs it and really wanted it AND you can afford it, I don’t know why you’d expect him to be lollipops and rainbows over some clothes and love tokens. It makes it look like you didn’t put any effort for him when you obviously knew what he wanted.

I’m not condoning spoiled brat behavior in any way, but I just think you need to realize how it looks to him which is why he is acting out this way when in reality he probably is hurt and bothered by it just as much as you.

You should let him return the purse he bought you because if you arn’t going to spend that much $$ on him, why do you get to keep the purse? Let him return it and use HIS own money for something that he NEEDS. You might want to think about how you are going to compromise in the future because in my opinion you do sound like a cheapskate (sorry my opinion) and he sounds VERY materialistic..how you two get along is beyond me lol.

Good luck!

 

Post # 86
Member
1629 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
@mrsgrant:  Good for you!

When he responded like that I would have locked the purse to my wrist and taken back the coupons, lol.

Post # 87
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@PinkMermaid:  Have you even read her posts? She already told him to take the purse back and get a laptop. She knew that she couldn’t pick out the correct laptop that would make him happy, so that’s why she got him the gift card in the first place, and was having other people give him gift cards as well. She tried to research a blu-ray player last year for him and he ended up returning it anyway. Have you ever tried to buy something for someone who is impossible to buy for? It’s lose-lose all ways around. And it sounds like she’s in that situation now. She tried to do something thoughtful and giving, something they had agreed upon beforehand with a price limit, and he went above and beyond that without her knowledge. And then threw a fit when she didn’t do the same, even though he had agreed to it ahead of time. He should have realized that $300 wasn’t going to pay for a laptop, and if he knew the person he married, and knowing that she’s a saver, known that if he stuck to his budget he would have had the extra $700 that he wouldn’t have spent on the purse to play with after Christmas and put towards his laptop. Why should she have to anticipate his every wish and desire? That’s unrealistic and unfair.

Post # 88
Member
611 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@PinkMermaid:  If you had read the OP’s updates, you would have read that part of the reason she went the gift card route is that in addition to expensive taste, he has SPECIFIC taste. She previously gave him a blu-ray player after researching ones she thought he’d like, and he took it back.

Anyway, OP, I feel for you… this is a tough one. I’m sure you guys will figure out an approach that works for both of you in the future, and then you will laugh about this. 

Post # 89
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

View original reply
@ErisInChaos:  It goes both ways. She should have known that he is materialistic when she married him as well. That is a problem between the two of them that needs to be resolved or else this will most likely end up happening every year until one of them says enough. Obviously I read her other posts and know that he returned the blue ray player or whatever because it wasn’t the one he wanted. Either A) She doesn’t really know how to shop for what he likes just yet or B) She could have gotten him the EXACT amount for a blue-ray player and put it into a gift card (only way gift cards are appropriate in my opinion since they seem impersonal) specifying that she wanted him to get exactly what he wanted so he may pick it out himself or together. Not give him half the money to buy it and some other nick-nacks to try and make up for it.

He should have realized that $300 wasn’t going to pay for a laptop, and if he knew the person he married, and knowing that she’s a saver, known that if he stuck to his budget he would have had the extra $700 that he wouldn’t have spent on the purse to play with after Christmas and put towards his laptop

Exactly! That’s just it. He wasn’t selfish and decided to buy her a fantastic gift this year instead of using his money on himself or thinking about how much he’d have for himself, he got her something really nice.

I’d be pissed off too if I ended up with a bunch of crap I didn’t want when my husband new i needed a new laptop really badly and could afford it.

Post # 91
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I would burn the purse, then give it back to him and tell him to go get his laptop. lol

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