- 4 years ago
I know that some women make a deadline for themselves, a deadline where they will walk if there is no proposal and their SO doesn’t know about it. Sometimes, they even ask their SO for a timeframe and if that date passes, they reavaluate and may even leave.
I set myself a deadline – but not because I want to walk (I think) but a deadline where I will stop thinking about a proposal if it doesn’t happen. Stop thinking about marriage, stop thinking about rings, stop talking about it – if he brings it up, change the subject.
I just really need to talk about what happened. My ‘deadline’ was New Years.
SO is a musician on the side – and he was playing a gig NYE, so, through midnight and finishing about 1am. He always mentioned that if he was to propose, he’d love to do it while gigging – bring me up on to the stage. Well, I guess I just had this HUGE hope in me that this would be it. What a fantastic opportunity and it was a great night. I dressed up and looked good, had a couple of friends with me to keep me company and was having a great time.
Then midnight rolled around, did a countdown and he came down off the stage, we kissed, wished each other Happy New Year and then the gig resumed.
I was fine. For a bit. But then it got time to go home, I went home and just bawled. We live together, so that obviously led to a huge conversation and I explained how I felt. I was just so disappointed – more than I thought I would have been because I tried to be pretty nonchalant about it. I’d be a terrible candidate for the shut it up pact hey.
I can’t explain his response well. He was surprised, a little defensive. I didn’t really get comforted much. He said that 2 years is not a lot of time before getting married (which is a big backtrack, see below), and I countered that with how I always wanted to keep it special and romantic… not just a logical next step after years together. He wants to have kids, and I said that you know that I want to be married first. And I don’t want to be married for no time at all before children… I just, want to be married for a little while. And so obviously these things take time.
The problem is, is that he’s the one that backtracks and changes the timeframe and plays with my emotions. That’s why I set a deadline where I would no longer torture myself over it. He was the one that said “we might be a couple that gets engaged before we move in together”, two months in to our relationship. Frequently says he wants to marry me. He dropped hints he would propose on my birthday, which came and passed. He even told me that he would like to get MARRIED on November 16 2013 (our anniversary) and well, obviously that never came to light.
So, he has all the power here and I am just done. I feel pretty numb now. I’ve had my cry, got it out of my system and I’m moving on. I’d be lying if I said I don’t often think about leaving, but that is followed shortly with how much I would miss him and how great our relationship is.
I am obviously not good enough to marry. He is not dying to marry me.
Thanks for reading all of this.