(Closed) Terrible Twos…I thought it was a myth

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
8354 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

It is normal for children to act out when their schedule changes and/or a parent is not a regular part of their life. What do you do when he hits you? How do you handle that? If you tell him no in a very firm voice and then give him a 2 minute time out, unless you or someone else is laughing at him when he hits you, it should get better. Be firm and consistent. Make sure he is on a set schedule for naps, mealtime, baths, playtime, etc. You may also want to enrol him in some playgroups. Playgroups, so he can be around other children his age to see how they behave and also to run off some of his energy. Since your husband is in the military, you should have access to the family service center for military families. See about getting set up with them. They have a lot of resourses for parents and children of deployed and away service members. They also offer child care services, so that the parent at home with the child can get some away time.

Post # 4
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Sorry I don’t have advice for you except that I think its perfectly normal.  

My mom used to have the same issue with grocery shopping with my brother.  She used to put him in the cart (with his legs through the spots) and tie his shoe laces together.  He couldn’t crawl out then.  It may be an idea.  

 

Post # 6
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yea I think people at the store found it funny too.  Its not harming the child at all but still funny none the less.  As he got older all she had to do was threaten to tie his shoes together and he would behave.  

Post # 7
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Like noritake said it is very normal for a child of that age to act out when home life is different than normal. Did you notice a change in his behavior around the time of your husband’s deployment? In a child this age acting out is normal however it is probably escalated by the anger and confusion of Dad being gone right now. I also second the recommendation for getting set up with family services thru the military. Maybe they can set you and your son up for family counseling and teach you both some coping mechanisms during this difficult time. I’ve been teaching 2 yr olds for a few years now so if you have any specific questions feel free to pm me, I’d be happy to help if I can.

 

Edited to add that you definitely aren’t the only one going thru these types of things. Last week a 3 yr old child at my work slapped a teacher and called her a [email protected] Another teacher got headbutted by a different child.. Unfortunately these things happen and its part of a learning process but you seem to be on the right path because you’re concerned and trying to correct these behaviors now.

Post # 9
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

Its totally normal. I have terrible days with my daughter, days like you said where I just want to cry. For the last 4 or 5 months it has been an everyday or every other day kinda thing.. she’s 2 and a half. I can’t wait for this stage to pass!

She hits and we have really had to start watching our mouths because the other day she called my husband an ass hole! omg… its insane. Just learning as we go… thats the only way to do it!

Post # 10
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

A lot of times hitting and tantrums come from lack of communication. Basically they’re frustrated that they can’t talk like we do so they’re gonna take it out on us. One thing we do at school that works is sit the child down, get directly in front of them and say in a loud firm voice “I do not pull your hair DO NOT pull my hair” That conversation can also be changed into “do you want me to pull your hair? do you think that would feel good? Pulling hair hurts do not pull my hair” We also make our children accountable to make the other person feel better. For example- If your son hits you then you say “You hurt me when you hit me and now its your job to make me feel better” (can also show him so he sees if there is a mark), he can give you a soft touch or even hold an ice pack to where he hurt you. Another thing we do that may be controversial but it works for some of our more extreme children is give them an alternative method. For example “If you want to pull hair you pull the hair on this baby doll, if you want to hit you hit this pillow, etc” Then after the child has moved to using these objects we’ll slowly add in “ouch! that hurts the baby, can you brush her hair instead or oh no the pillow doesnt like that would you like to hug the pillow instead?” Its all a process and Rome wasn’t built in a day but you’re definitely right that consistancy will help.

Post # 11
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

My nephew is turning 3 in 2 months. He’s been hell on wheels =]

Post # 12
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Be persistant with the time-outs. Just keep putting him back in every single time he does it – don’t give up! My mom has a daycare and she has had 2 days (out of 30+ years of caring for kids) where she literally had to run repeatedly through the time-out drill for the ENTIRE DAY with a kid who just wouldn’t stop. They will eventually get the message and stop! Sometimes kids act out when they are over-tired too. If you suspect this is the case, then put him down for an early nap. Sometimes when kids go through a growth spurt they get overtired easily.

Post # 13
Member
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My mum explained it to me that 2 yr olds are very egocentric, and want to be in control. They haven’t yet learnt about the feelings of others and want it to be all about them.  Hence, the terrible twos.

I believe that my daughter is really well behaved for a 2yr old.  She will act out and chuck tantrums, but overall she is really well mannered, uses thank you alot and the pleases are just starting to be used regularly as well.

I use a naughty spot regularly as it is needed.  And at the moment, we mainly use it because when we saying something she doesnt want to hear like “Please stop that” she will retaliate with “No I’m busy”.  I have found that because her attention span is short I keep the time out short, and then when I take her out I explain why she was there. Ask for an apology, then I tell her I love her and we miss and make up.  I try to leave her there for no longer then a minute, but if she is screaming and carrying on then I ignore it until she calms down.  Somedays it is more effective then others, but she knows she is in trouble when she is put into a naughty spot and we always talk about how wonderful it is to have a good girl when she comes out.  I have also used the naughty spot in the middle of a shopping centre.  I had a big problem of her climbing in under clothes racks and things when we were at the shops. but that has become less of an issue since I started putting her in a naughty spot in public.

As for pulling hair and biting.  Yep we definatly went through that!!  I found the best thing to do was not over react and give her bad attention. I would put her straight into the naughty spot and ignore her for around a minute.  And then I would explain that she had really hurt and upset mummy, and she learnt to apologise.  I still have problems every now and then with her biting other kids, such as her cousins.  And if she does do that we stop what we are doing right away, pack up and leave.  I am trying my best to teach her that her actions have consequences.

My daughter now knows if she is well behaved she will get time on the shopping centre playground, or get a turn on one of the kids rides before we leave to go home.  If she misbehaves she doesn’t get a thing except a turn in the naughty spot.

I think children can be testing at times.  And the best thing we can do is remain calm, not let them see they are winning by upsetting us, and being consistent with the behaviour we expect from them and also the rewards and punishments we give.

Another trick that I had suggested to me by the childcare centre was to concentrate on positives not negatives,  For instance if I put her in the naughty spot for biting me, when I am talking to her about why she was put in there I tell her “the best way to get Mummys attention is to give me a hug and a kiss, Mummy loves Hugs and Kisses!!” or if I am asking her to stop something…. such as we had an issue with her wanting to squash the young hand rasied bird we brought into the house.  So instead of harping on her about stop hitting the bird, or stop scaring the bird.  i say don’t forget we have to be gently with the bird.  He is a baby, and is delicate, have to be gentle.  And then I show her how to be gentle.  I was suprised at how well that worked, but it really got her concentrating on the right way to do something instead of the wrong way to do something.

Good Luck!!!

Post # 15
Member
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m not going to add any advice, I’m just goingto say hang in there and be consistent. My little one was an angel until she went to daycare, and then she turned into a little demon. It does get better. And then it starts all over again when they turn five or so and they start testing you more, not bc they want your constsnt attention, but bc they want to be independent. *sigh* Keep up the good work!

Post # 16
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Oh my Gosh – all of you parents do such a fantastic job – it must be the most demanding thing ever! Good on you all for hanging in there and doing such a fantastic job everyday!

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