(Closed) terrified of being a fat bride am I the only one?(dresses)

posted 7 years ago in Dress
Post # 46
Member
1383 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: Disneyland - January 2016

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leahkate:  She’s not acting like she’s telling people what’s fat for them, but rather what feels fat for HER. The OP and I have almost exactly the same measurements and I completely understand where she’s coming from. When I was trying on my dress, they only had a sample size one size smaller than what I usually wear, and somehow they managed to squeeze me in it. I couldn’t breathe and I honestly felt like my ribs were bruising, but looking at the photos I desperately wish I actually WAS that size. I had to order a size up and I feel like it does make a BIG difference and I’m really unhappy with my body. I’ve been trying to lose weight since January and all I’ve achieved is a fluctuation of 2-3 lbs and no toning despite my efforts. It’s extremely demoralising when I look in the mirror and hate what I see every single day and then get attacked because other people are larger than me or made to feel stupid because I can’t lose weight or tone as quickly as other people can.

Point being, just because she is smaller than someone else, it doesn’t mean she’s simply fishing for compliments or secretly think she’s hot stuff. And what’s wrong with seeking approval from others when we’re feeling low? Sorry that she’s human, sometimes we all can’t see outside our own head and warped thoughts and that outside perspective can help miles. You don’t know her, haven’t lived in her body and and you certainly aren’t allowed to tell her how to feel about her own body.

Some of you people need to really back off.

Post # 47
Member
908 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

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TwinkleBoss:  Agreed. I don’t think it’s fair to criticize a woman who is struggling to love her body (whether size 0, 10, 18, or 26) when we live in a society that constantly tells us we need to be “perfect” but then sends us mixed messages. As women we are constantly told “You aren’t good enough,” but then when we acknowledge that feeling, we are told “Be happy with what you have” or “It could be much worse.” No matter what we do, we can’t win. Instead of fighting each other, fight the system.

Post # 48
Member
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Yeah, I had the same issue. 

Well, you know that the problem’s with your head and not with your body. So you have two choices: fix your head or accommodate it. 

Fixing your head is basically committing to flipping the script that’s in your mind. You have to do this actively, by catching your negative thoughts and replacing them with negative thoughts: “My hips are gonna look so big–NO! My hips are going to be awesome. And I’m gonna be gorgeous!” Yes, this will feel contrived. It also works the more you do it. The other half of it is making your environment conducive towards changing your mind. So no more magazines. No more scale. No more thinspa or exorexia pinterest or any of that. No more media that you KNOW is about the beauty comparative. Stop hanging out with people who have nothing better to do than critique others’ appearance. Start hanging out with people who feed your real strengths, not your anxieties. Read books about actual characters rather than looking at pictures of photoshopped ideals. Do things that make you happy to be who you are–like, your ACTUAL HOBBIES. If your FB/Twitter/Instagram etc. feeds are filled with toxitiy, then block ’em. Go through your closet and throw out ANYTHING that does not make you immediately HAPPY–your “thin jeans” your “fat pants” that dress you’ll wear when you lose the last 5 lbs. etc. This is what it takes to change your mind. 

If you want to accommodate your mind, then I’d suggest either not taking engagement pictures at all or accepting that you proably aren’t going to be that happy with them. 

 

And those really are your choices. You can lose 20 pounds, you can gain 20 pounds–it won’t matter becuase the problem is your head, not your body. 

Post # 49
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

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futuremrscopeland:  I’m with you on this. I’m a similar size as you, and while I know that I’m not fat, I want to be in tip top shape for my wedding day. I’m not going to have it any other way. I will not be a fat bride. It’s not the worse thing that could happen, but it’s in my top 5.

From looking at your pics, I would say that it’s probably less likely that you need to lose fat, and more likely that you need to increase your muscle mass and tone up. I would encourage you to got to the gym and try some heavy lifting. 

Post # 50
Member
2274 posts
Buzzing bee

Your fiancee loves you as you are, and your photos reveal a beautiful, BEAUTIFUL figure.

It is absolutely DISGUSTING that something in your current or past life has given you the idea that you are anything BUT the lovely young woman you are.

Please get to work on reframing your own thoughts about who you are, and how you look. If you wish to clean up your eating habits and avoid foods that are not as nourishing as other foods, all good, and if you are dancing, walking, cycling, or any combination, you are doing fun things that can make you feel better and be happier, but PLEASE don’t take on big life changes to “fix” yourself!

You will be an AMAZING looking bride!

Post # 52
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Rocky Mountains-May 2017

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futuremrscopeland:  I personally think you look fantastic, I mean I’m the same height  as you, but closer to 155-160 and I carry it all in my stomach/hip/thighs. I’m worried about looking pregnant all the damn time and I blame the birth control also. Well that and my poor diet/laziness. 

Post # 53
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

From reading your comment and looking at your photo, I think I understand what you are wanting. You look soft and your muscle isn’t visible. I think you are wanting to look lean, ( sometimes looking lean you may even weight more but look smaller) are you over-doing cardio and trying to maintain your weight with it? If so stop right away, over- cardio and a bad diet equal a soft squishy look. Instead eat lean protein and veggies, real oatmeal and basmati or brown rice , small portions. You should fill up on veggies not starches. this will take at least 3 months. try chocolate covered almonds for dessert.

Post # 54
Member
10813 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

You look wonderful in that first dress and I must admit my first thought was “fishing for compliments ” (well, second thought really , my first was that  I must have  opened the wrong thread because I was expecting to see someone who was actually fat) then it became clear that it was really much more  a self esteem/erroneous  perception issue.

I think you simply see yourself as  bigger than you are, like you used to look .  As many pps hav said, the pressure on women to look perfect within narrow, and not even healthy, parameters is frightful and you have fallen victim to it ( god, haven’t we all!)  

Liek a coupel of pps have said, if you want to change anything , a bit of toning  would be fine , and if you feel you have to lose some  more weight  well then, it is your body. But do, dear OP,  keep an eye on irrational  beliefs  about how you look, OK? That’s how eating disorders wreck lives.

Oh and did I say how lovely you look in that first  dress especially ….  

Post # 55
Member
806 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I totally commend how much society has begun to accept healthy lifestyles and working out. Victorias secret even has a workout line!  I gained 25lbs after college taking me from 5’6″ @120 lbs to 145-150 lbs and I’d love to lose it but if I dont, I don’t.  Society has made it unacceptable to have any body fat. When did skin and bones become “hot” and Marilyn Monroe become “fat?” 

I’d focus on your obviously poor body image than the actual number on the scale or dress. 

Post # 56
Bee
102 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - The Wagar Farm B&B

holy crap the ruching on that first dress makes your body look bangin’!

Post # 57
Member
1942 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

You look smoking hot in that first dress!!!!!! Wow

Look, don’t stress about the dress just yet, keep focusing on your goal, you have plenty of time to get that weight lower!! 

When you go buy the dress, remember that it can be taken i,n so envision yourself wearing the dress at your goal weight.

I was on the same boat, and when I bought my dress, they stuffed me into the sample, had me suck in multiple times until the zipper went up. I couldn’t breathe!!!! Well…….. I ended up buying that size. People thought I was crazy for buying a dress that technically didn’t fit!!! it had to be taken in 4 inches when I received it. Not only did I reach my goal weight, but I could have technically bought the dress and even smaller size than I did. Unfortunately I had surgery right after the wedding and I gained it all back and some. I feel like a fat blob.

Also, everyone has a different perspective on what “fat” is, so stop hating people!!!! Who said there were guidelines on self steem?

Post # 58
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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futuremrscopeland:  I know this is an old thread, but I had to comment as well. I’m 5’2, 130 pounds. I’m not fat, I know. But I’m squishy and jiggly and I hate my body. I also hate when larger people make me feel bad for being uncomfortable in my own skin..just because I’m not “fat” doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to feel self conscious too. I am pale (can’t change that, I’ve tried), I have stretch marks and cellulite, and I hate how I look and feel most days. And if I lost 15-20 pounds? I’d feel great. Unfortunately, losing this weight is like impossible. I think you are GORGEOUS, and anyone who says otherwise is jealous. I think your feelings are founded. While they might not be accurate (because you’re not fat), I understand being skinny and feeling lumpy and gross. And I wish I didn’t feel this way too. Don’t let people make you feel bad for being self conscious. Instead fuel that self conscious positively, and change it for the better! I say tone (muscle work instead of cardio), and it can make a world of difference. I need motivation too sometimes 🙂 

Post # 59
Member
1157 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

There is a massive difference between strengthening your muscles and toning your entire body and losing weight. There are people out there that are 100 pounds and still look as flabby as the rest of us. Worry about inches, not weight.

And no, spot-toning doesn’t exist. You can NOT target fat deposits.

Post # 60
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yeah…definitely time to work on your self esteem girl…you have a KILLER figure that looks awesome in all three of those dresses that you posted.

Look, I was a bigger bride.  I had been working out and trying to lose weight but then I had some pretty significant health concerns come up so that all had to go by the wayside so I could figure out my health again.  I was bigger than I thought I would be on my wedding day last weekend, but I look back at the pictures and all I see is how happy I am and that my smile is from ear to ear in every picture.  Plus I saw how my husband was looking at me all night and that entire day I felt like the most beautiful girl in the entire world.  He didn’t see the flab on the arms, all he saw was his bride in a beautiful dress.

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