(Closed) terrified of being asked to be MOH! what do i do??

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
9056 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Just be “honest” that at this point you’re not prepared for the commitment of being a Maid/Matron of Honor, or in a bridal party.

Post # 4
3788 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Just say no if she even asks; it doesn’t sound like you consider her a very good friend, and you’d be doing both of you a favor. Worst case, what little friendship you have deteriorates and that’s it. I hope it is not dramatic and goes well for you both.

Post # 5
8353 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2011

Based on what you have described, I doubt she will even ask you. I think you are being a bit premature in your thinking. If she does happen to ask you, just politely decline.

Post # 6
1510 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Just out of curiosity, if you two aren’t reall close anymore, why do you think you will be asked?

I totally empathize.  I had the same thing happen to me 4 years ago but the rolls were reversed, I was a bridesmaid in Friend A’s wedding as was Friend B.  When Friend B was married, I was a bridesmaid and Friend A was Maid/Matron of Honor.  Friend A tried to turn all the BM’s against the bride, refused to plan or pay for anything (meaning dress, hair and shoes) and now that I am engaged I didn’t even want to INVITE let alone ask Friend A to be in the wedding. 

My point is, it seems like it would be unlikely she would ask you.  Hopefully she doesn’t.  If she does, it’s very fair to just be honest and say that you can’t for xx reason.

Post # 7
11 posts

I would have a polite excuse ready just in case.  I don’t think it’s necessary to respond to a Maid/Matron of Honor invitation with a laundry list of reasons she is a jerk…just say money is tight and you can’t take on any added expenses in the next year or so, or that you have too much going on and can’t make the time commitment.  If you don’t want to give a specific reason, just say that for personal reasons you can’t accept.  She can interpret that however she likes.  

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