(Closed) Terrified of every aspect of pregnancy, birth, & being a mother

posted 6 years ago in Home
Post # 2
Member
4998 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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Stace126:  Deep breaths. You told us what’s wrong with you- depression and anxiety, right? You need to see a psychologist to discuss these things, especially if you are going to have to go off your meds. Call tomorrow and make an appointment. 

Post # 3
Member
2899 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Commenting mostly to say that pregnancy does not mean you have to go off of your anti-depressants. Most SSRIs are perfectly safe to take during pregnancy – both my psychiatrist and my OB-GYN agreed that the benefits of staying on Prozac during pregnancy significantly outweighed the very, very small risks. Talk to your doctors, of course, because everyone is different and different meds have different risks, but don’t assume you will have to get off anti-depressants completely. 

As for the rest of it, you just have to take it one day at a time. Some parts of pregnancy suck, others are really awesome. It’s normal to have some worries but you can’t let them take over. Of course it’s overwhelming if you’re thinking about nine months of pregnancy + childbirth + 18 years of parenting all at the same time! Luckily you really only have to deal with one aspect before moving on to the next. 

So yes, it’s normal to worry some, but don’t try to tackle it all at once. And thirty really isn’t like, now or never time. If you want to take another year to prepare yourself or decide whether you really want to be a parent, go for it. It’s not for everybody, and deciding that you don’t want to have a child is a perfectly valid choice for lots of people. 

Post # 4
Member
613 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014 - Historic cinema

Perhaps take time to really consider why you want children. Could you be happy without them? Will you feel regret if you don’t have them? Remember, you don’t have to have babies. Take out the fear factors and really think about it, and I think if you really do want children thenthat may help alleviate some of the fears you have.

Post # 5
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

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Stace126:  If you’re four days late, are you going to take a pregnancy test soon? Like, asap?!

Post # 6
Hostess
3367 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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Stace126:  I agree you should probably talk to someone. The idea of pregnancy, birth, and motherhood is terrifying to anyone of course! It’s life changing! However, all of those negative things that you listed don’t compare to the amazing feeling of when you feel another life inside of you kick for the first time. Or when the doctors first place this little human on you after all of the hard work of pregnancy and labor. Or the breathtaking, indescribable feeling every single time you lay eyes on your child. It’s life changing, in the absolute best way. I don’t even remember my life before Motherhood, and I don’t want to. It has been the best thing to ever happen to me, and even though there were difficult times (and still are) they are absolutely nothing in comparison to how incredible it is to have my little girl in my life. 

Post # 7
Member
9800 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

Do you want to have children?  Do you see them in your future?  If you do, I would suggest talking to someone…as you might not have to go off of your meds but should address this anxiety.

You don’t have to have kids if you don’t want them though.

I think it is completely normal to be terrified of having a baby to some extent.  Even when I was pregnant I was terrified, not of pregnancy or childbirth, but being responsible for another human for 18 years.  Even now, I get anxiety over things that are out of my control.  So the worrying is just a part of being a parent I think.  But there is a difference between normal worrying and excessive.  I think talking to a professional would help you.

Also, 30 is not that old.  You still have a few years to decide if you want kids or to work on getting to a better place mentally with it.

Post # 8
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

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Stace126:  i share all your concerns and sort of realized that kids PROBABLY aren’t for me, i am a little younger than you (26). but i mean, i don’t think pregnancy and childbirth are “beautiful” or natural. i feel like a fetus is a parasite, which it literally is. but that’s a different conversation. 

i feel like there is never a ‘perfect’ time to have children and people look at it too emotionally and not enough like you would look at buying a pet, can you afford it? do you understand the responsibility? the sacrafice? etc.  i mean, i know it’s complicated because most women have hormones affecting their thinking (literally) but maybe since hormones and baby fever are not clouding your judgement, you’re realizing kids aren’t really for you. 

like some other posters said, i think you should really evaluate how important having children is, and whether or not you could be happy without them. 

Post # 9
Member
1382 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I think it is normal to worry about all those things, but the extent to which you are worrying is probably related to your anxiety. Like, I have all those worries but also feel like, “I will handle it when I get to it.” I know with anxiety we tend to be avoidant, and pregnancy does not allow that do it is scary!

Whatever you do, DO NOT stop your meds without talking to your psych and OBGYN. Generally, women are kept on psych meds during pregnancy, and SSRIs and tricyclics are both generally safe, benzos I don’t know as much about but I know many people stay on them or try to reduce some but not stop them. Make sure you talk to your doctors about risk factors – they often sound a lot scarier than they are. Like a study will say something doubles the risk of a problem – sounds bad – but sometimes that means a .3% risk instead of a .15% risk – not likely in either case. 

If you are 4 days late, I would take a test so you know whether you are even pregnant. Then get in with your psych asap and talk through your fears. 

Post # 11
Member
1059 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014 - Loft

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RunnerBride13:  There’s nothing “wrong with her”. 

Post # 12
Member
5285 posts
Bee Keeper

 

Stace126:  I could have wrote this post! Most of the things you mentioned I feel the same about and just thinking about it all gives me a panic attack!!! I’m a little bit older then you (32) so I have to hurry up and get this show on the road if I plan to have a baby

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