- 6 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
So I am going to be turning 30 in 2 weeks. My husband and I got married when I was 28 and until very, very recently, I had never felt “the clock” or anything when it came to having babies. Sure, we wanted kids, but we got married “later in life” and we had a lot we still wanted/needed to do before trying to have a kid or two.
A few weeks ago my husband and I discussed when we should try having a baby. We kinda thought about trying at the end of this year. We want to take another vacation on our own, pay off some debts, fix up the house a little more …. which is kinda hard considering we’re not by any means “well off” or eve comfortable with money. We live paycheck to paycheck and struggle with unexpected expenses. We can pay our bills and eat but we hardly have enough money for “extras” like emergencies, going out to eat, etc. (and please please PLEASE do not give me the “this is why you should have a savings account of $1 billion before you get married, buy a house, have a kid” speech. We HAD savings accounts. It went to the house, the wedding, and emergencies. They’re pretty much empty now). Shit happens.
Anyway, even though we aren’t currently TRYING to have a baby, we aren’t exactly being 100% preventative and as my period is about 4 days late I am starting to think about all of the things that absolutely terrify me about this whole world of babies.
I’m just wondering if this is remotely normal or if I am so off the wall insane that I should just never ever THINK about having a child…..
morning sickness<br />the fact that i will have to go off my anti-anxiety/anti-depressants and I JUST got this problem under control for the first time in my life about a year ago<br />restricted diet<br />constant dr appointments<br />hip/back pain<br />swelling<br />gestational diabetes<br />finding a decent OB/GYN (I’ve heard horror stories)<br />complications in general<br />getting fat<br />being able to afford maternity clothes<br />being tired all the time
Birth Worries:<br />the pain<br />complications<br />the blood (read a story on here about a woman who had dinner-plate sized blood clots fall out of her)<br />the pain<br />post-partum depression<br />the epidural (or not) and its complications (or complications with other meds)<br />OB/GYN/nurses being rude/nasty (again, heard so many horror stories)<br />the pain<br />Not eating during labor, which, with my luck, is bound to be, like, 36+ hours long or something<br />recovery from vaginal birth or c-section<br />pain<br />pooping while pushing
have i mentioned the pain?!?!?!? (you’re talking to a girl who has never broken a bone, never had stitches, and never had surgery or even a minor medical procedure. It took me FIVE YEARS to build up the courage to get a tattoo that took 10 minutes because I was so worried about the pain).
Worries about being a Mother:<br />being tired/sleep deprived<br />the fact that I don’t even know how to hold a baby<br />colic<br />SIDs<br />everything from minor childhood diseases to childhood cancer<br />disabilities<br />having to watch them in pain while getting vaccinated, circumsized, cutting a tooth, etc<br />potty training<br />allergies<br />choking on random objects<br />sending them to school<br />bullying at school<br /><br />
I could seriously probably list 100 other items under each of these headings. Am I insane? Will this ever change? I know that every woman is nervous, etc when she’s pregnant for the first time and a new mom, but I honestly can’t ever see myself looking at all of these worries and thinking “the desire for a child outweighs all of this.”<br />Is there something wrong with me????