(Closed) Terrified of flying alone, SO wants me to anyway (POLL)

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What should I do?

    Fly by myself anyways.

    Ask SO to fly with me.

    Other (specify in comments).

  • Post # 2
    Member
    1845 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2016

    What are you scared about?

    Post # 3
    Member
    2676 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

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    vatoca1016:  I’m not sure I understand. Are you afraid of flying in general? Or is there something specifically about flying alone that you are afraid of?

    Post # 4
    Member
    9521 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    Why are you afraid of flying? Finding the cause and a solution to make you comfortable is fairly important. There is will probably be many times in your life that you will have to fly alone. While difficult this a fear that should be addressed. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    11517 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    vatoca1016:  Why are you afraid of flying alone?  Is it flying in general or just by yourself?  (Have you ever flown before?)

    Post # 6
    Member
    1904 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    View original reply
    vatoca1016:  Your not afraid of flying in general, just flying alone? Where is “home”, where are you flying from? Can you just drive to CA alone?

    Honestly, this is something you would need to work on for yourself moreso. Are you assuming that anytime you have to fly that he will or should drop everything to fly with you? That is a lot of money and time. Can you see a counslor to address your fears of flying alone?

    Post # 7
    Member
    1243 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    vatoca1016:  Have you considered getting professional help for this issue, as well as getting any prescription drugs to help you get through the flight?

    Post # 8
    Member
    1039 posts
    Bumble bee

    I’m confused – what about flying alone are you afraid of?

    Post # 9
    Member
    1980 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I think based on the fact you say you’re just afraid of flying alone, and not just flying in general, I think you should build the courage to fly it alone. Offering to spend a week less with his family to fly with you is extremely generous and in my opinion the proper suggestion from him, but I think you should not force him to do that. You will likely be faced with the possibility of flying alone many times in your life, so it’s best to start getting over your fear now. You’ll be okay!

    Post # 10
    Member
    5940 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

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    vatoca1016:  I am terrifed of flying. Alone or with anyone. The last time I flew I finally found something that worked. Clonipin! My doctor prescribed it because I am phobic. It worked. Not perfect, but it worked. I had tried alcohol, Xanex, and diphenhydramine (not together) before and that did not work. I would not ask someone to fly with me and spend all that money and lose time with family.

    Post # 11
    Member
    964 posts
    Busy bee

    I would look into counseling / professional help for this. Because this is the kind of thing that builds resentment. It isn’t right to ask him to make the sacrifice of less time with his parents (and paying for the extra flight to come to you first) when it is really your issue. YOu need to go above and beyond to resolve your own issue before you ask him to make sacrifices.

    It sounds like you aren’t afraid to fly, you’re just afariad to fly alone. That kind of irrational neediness will wear holes in your relationship over time. This is the perfect opportunity for you to address it once and for all. And also, the more you do something, the easier it becomes. You can’t avoid the uncomfortable for ever and ever. Sooner or later you need to man-up and make a concerted effort to get over your fears. It’s not cool to hold yourself, and everyone around you, hostage to them.

    Post # 12
    Member
    913 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015 - The Victorian

    View original reply
    vatoca1016:  As a fellow nervous flyer, I will try to help. I’ll start by saying I fly all the time, but it terrifies me. And unlike you, it’s not dependent on whether I am alone or with someone. First, get yourself to a doctor and see if you can get some Xanax or anti-anxiety medication. I take it as soon as I’m through security. If I wait till I’m already on the plane, I’m already too anxious and my adenaline cancels out the Xanax. Second, get lots of stuff to keep you busy. I usually download at least one movie on my ipad, bring a book and magazine. Third, bring some sort of security blanket or come up with a calming “mantra” for yourself. Every time there is turbulence, I think I’m going to die (literally). So, I might look like a crazy person, but I put my head down and sort of close in on myself and just tell myself (in my head, not out loud) that turbulence is normal, it’s not what causes plane crashes, I’ve been through this before. I also bring a big water and fun snacks so I never feel “trapped.” Lastly, toward the end of the flight, I start thinking about all the fun things I’m going to do when I land and I’ll get to see my FI/friends/parents/a new place and that gets me excited to just land already. I know this probably sounds like the ramblings of a crazy person, but I’m just afraid to fly and this is what helps me. Hope if helps you too.

    Post # 13
    Member
    9081 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I was terrified to travel alone. But before my husband and I got married, I was in California and he was in Oklahoma, so I had to come to him. Obvs I couldn’t take mommy and daddy with me, so when the ticket was purchased it was too late.

    It’s honestly no big deal. Allow yourself time to get to places early that way you don’t have to move. Literally it’s “Get off plane A, go to place B-1 to get on plane B-2.”

    If you get lost, ask an employee.

    I’d do it again, because it was seriously easy peasy lemon squeezy. The only iffy part was one of my flights landed late so I had to hoof it to my connecting terminal but I got there with about 20 minutes to spare so it wasn’t as big of a deal as I made it out to be or thought it was.

    So, just do it. Every baby bird needs to leap from the nest eventually. Nobody likes flying, but that’s no reason to be afraid of doing it alone. Planes don’t bite and they’re safer than ground travel.

    Post # 14
    Member
    8983 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    vatoca1016: A few observations:

    • We’ve talked a lot about engagement, but obviously we’re waiting until after I meet his family.” — Lots of people get engaged before meeting each other’s family. 
    • I have to be home for Christmas for family reasons beyond my control.” — What reasons are beyond your control?
    • If I tell him it’s okay, I’m putting myself in a position that I told him from the beginning I was very uncomfortable with.” — Part of being a grown-up is going through uncomfortable positions when the situation warrants. He hasn’t been home in a year, I would not deprive him of the extra week with his family.
    Post # 15
    Member
    47421 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    You have plenty of time to get some therapy for this phobia. Some airlines even run courses for people.

    The topic ‘Terrified of flying alone, SO wants me to anyway (POLL)’ is closed to new replies.

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