(Closed) Terrified of telling my Dad I’m pregnant…how do you do it?

posted 7 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I cant believe he wants you to wait up to 10 years?  You said you finished university so I’m guessing you’re between 21-24yrs old? I personally dont think the age itself is a factor its more about financial stability but since you’re already pregnant theres not much you can do except make the best of what you guys have. but I dont think having a baby is the end of the road you can still have a career after the baby

Post # 4
Member
7291 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

Well wait a few more weeks until you have fully accepted and assured with utlrasound that you are pregnant and work it!

Your mommy instincts will kick and you won’t need as big of a push, right now you are on an emotional rollercoaster.

I know parents can say funny borderline hurtful things because they deal with he brunt of things! I’m sure its stressful for him to take care of you financially and such but trust me, I’m sure he will melt at the idea of a granddaughter or grandson 🙂

Try to stay as positive as you can! If you can’t call, send a letter or a card or something symbolic of a child. and when he is ready ask him to call or meet .

Post # 5
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I was such a wuss about telling my parents. I made my mother tell my dad. I was like “I uh… I’ve been getting sick a lot… in the morning… and uhhhhh I kind of ummm… you know, maybe skipped a period?” I had a VERY rocky relationship with my dad. We fought daily and I moved out when I was 19 for good. It was a dark few years.

My mom hit the roof. She wasn’t thrilled. But now she’s the happiest grandmother in the history of grandparents. And my father and I are close again, more than I could ever imagine. I still can’t believe I stop by the house with my daughter just to hang out with him.

Having a baby (unless you’re 14 and sometimes even then) is a major rite of passage. You become a lot more “equal” with your folks. Just don’t ever apologize for moving forward with your life. They will respect you a lot for that, even if they don’t admit it right away.

Oh and tell them in person if possible.

Post # 7
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m sorry you’re so scared of telling him :(. However, I think this is something you do not have to feel bad about AT ALL! No one can please their parents all the time. My foster mom didn’t want me to go to a certain school after college, but I wanted to go & knew it was right for me. At first she was telling me why I shouldn’t go & what a bad idea it was, etc… but when she realized that’s what I wanted, she totally supported me in going. She later told me she was very proud of me for going & glad I did it :).

I don’t think he’d actually be disapppointed in you. Seriously he’s going to be thrilled to have a gradkid :). It may take him some time to realize that, but I don’t think I know any grandparents who don’t love their grandkids. It could be that he feel he has to take care of you & your family & is scared for you. If he still sees you as a kid, he’s going to think you can’t handle it (even if you really are mature & responsible).

If you want to be seen as an adult by him, you’ll have to do things without his financial help (unless its something serious, I don’t think its horrible to need help sometimes). Can you & your husband pay all your debts/bills on your own? I would refuse your dad’s money if he offers to pay for stuff as much as you possibly can. Also, try calling other friends for help with stuff. Some stuff, its great going to parents for, but if you’re always calling him, he may feel like you can’t do life on your own. Search stuff online, you’ll find a ton of resources. I’d still call him not to get help, but just to talk to him about life & how he’s doing. I don’t mean you can’t ask him for help anymore, just try to do more of it on your own. That’s my opinion anyway.

Post # 10
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

My dad and I aren’t close and he hates my Darling Husband so when I found out I was pregnant (we were just bf/gf at the time) I sent my father a text saying that I was pregnant and was hoping to one day marry him so if he had any problems with that he had better get them out of the way because I would raise the child with or without his grandfather in the picture. It was a bit mean but it get him involved a little more. I say just go out and tell him. There is no easy way to tell anyone something they might not like so you might as well be straight with him.

Post # 12
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

@pigeon-noises: It was easier to tell him threw a text because then I didn’t have to see or hear how he felt about it until he calmed down a bit. My dad was pretty abusive for most of my childhood but when we got older he stoped doing drugs and drinking and he was better but still had a temper. I am the middle child of 3 girls and I’m the only one married or with a child. I figured that if he wanted the chance to be in my son’s life he would have to get over the fact that it’s not about him or what he wants. This is YOUR life. If you want a baby then he should be happy for you. Just tell him how you feel and that you hope he will be happy for you and that you would love for him to have a good relationship with his grandchild.

Post # 13
Member
3041 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

@pigeon-noises: Okay :). I just read your 1st post “he also has supported me financially all through college and university, even helping us get into the house” & took that to mean he’s supporting you financially still. I’m sorry… I just read your 2nd post. Lol I think I was typing while you wrote your 2nd post!

I would be proud telling him, this is something you’re wanting, right?! Well show your happiness & joy! If you tell him & act scared, he may think you’re scared of having a baby & not just telling him. I’m sure its much harder to do than to say it, but together with your Darling Husband, go tell him your GOOD news :).

Post # 14
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

@KatyElle:  Having a baby (unless you’re 14 and sometimes even then) is a major rite of passage. You become a lot more “equal” with your folks.

Thats not really fair to those of us who cant and/or wont have kids…

 

@pigeon-noises, even if he is mad at first, this is your life and you know if you are ready to have a child or not, parents can have a hard time letting their kids grow up and turn into adults, so in his eyes, this is his child having a child. But you wont even have to worry about proving that you are capable when the baby comes, because chances are he will be so enchanted with his new grandbaby that he will forget about being mad at you. Just concentrate on what a blessing this is to you and how happy this baby will make you, and dont stress so much! Tell your dad stress is bad for the baby if he gives you a hard time.

Post # 15
Member
328 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Annabelle86: I don’t think KatyElle meant it as a dig, but I do see where she’s coming from. Of course you don’t have to have kids to be considered equal with your parents, but there are times when the birth of a child really does completely change the dynamic between parents and their grown child. Certainly not all parent/child relationships are like that, but some are.

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