(Closed) Terrified of telling my Dad I’m pregnant…how do you do it?

posted 9 years ago in Babies
Post # 18
Member
2286 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

“and if he does pass judgement i’m liable to go tigeress and just walk out to let him explode as i dont want to negativity and i will protect this little one.”

There you go.

You’ve started your own family. Focus on that. The rest will fall into place.

Post # 19
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Annabelle86: Uh, why are you reading into it like that? We’re talking about someone who IS having a baby, and my comment was in the context of this discussion. We’re not talking about people who can’t/don’t have kids.

If we were talking about buying a house or getting married or any other rite of passage into adulthood I’d use the exact same example. And I am living proof that when you have a child your relationship with your parents potentially undergoes MAJOR change, often for the better if things were rocky before.

Does that clear it up for you?

Post # 21
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@LemonJack:

I do understand for a lot of people it finally helps their parents see them as an adult, and it even helps people become more of an adult, but the way she phrased it made it sound like its a major rite of passage and if you dont have kids you are not equal as an adult to the people who do. I know it was meant to be harmless, but saying things like that can be really hurtful to infertile women and it can seem disrespectful to childfree ones. I just want her to be more aware of that in the future so she doesnt really make someone upset on accident. Its a sensitive topic.

Post # 22
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Annabelle86: I’m sorry but no. Not to be uppity here, but I honestly don’t see how what I said was insensitive to infertility in any which way shape or form.

Giving birth changes many lives in many different ways, including relationships with parents, relationship with spouse, siblings and friends.

If I were to say “Having a baby can really bring you closer to your spouse” am I being insensitive if it’s in the context of the question asked? I don’t think so. I do feel for those who have fertility problems, so please don’t twist my words of support into something ugly when that’s not the topic at hand.

Post # 23
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

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@KatyElle:

I understand what you are saying but the way you phrased it sounded its something you have to do to be on equal ground with your parents or to be a full adult. I dont disagree with what you said but how you said it. I didnt twist your words into something ugly, where did I do that? I directly quoted what you said and gave my opinion that it is insensitive. You didnt say “can be a major rite of passage” “or can put you on equal footing with your parents” thats fine, you said “It IS a major rite of passage that makes you a lot more equal to your parents” well, what about those of us who never make that rite of passage? I didnt say anything mean or attack you in any way I was just trying to let you know that what you said seemed a bit thoughtless. I am not denigrating the life-changing importance of having a child, as you seemed to think. Im not sure why you felt I was attacking you or twisting your words.

Post # 25
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Well, I certainly didnt mean for this to turn into an argument as this isnt the point of the thread, we are all here to support pigeon. But as someone who struggles with health problems that prevent her from having kids and dealing with the opinions of people who tell me all the time that the only way to live a full life is to have kids, I am a little sensitive to it and yes, when I read her words I got a little defensive. I didnt know it would blow up and make her so upset, and Im sorry it did.

Post # 26
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Annabelle86: We’ll have to agree to disagree. I have no wishes to engage in a discussion with you about something that is being misconstrued. I was addressing my opinion on having a baby and how it changes conflicts with a parent in the context of the OP’s situation. Nothing more, nothing less.

I am sorry you are having fertility problems and I wish you well but this thread is about the OP.

Post # 27
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@MissHelen: Yes, seriously.

Post # 28
Member
677 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I do think that in the OPs situation, her father will see her as more of an adult once she has her own kids. Sometimes its hard for dads to see their little girls as grown-ups until they can relate to something like having kids. I think things will get better between them once her baby is born, I cant imagine pigeons dad not being ecsatic to be a grandad, but no matter what I hope the OP doesnt let anything bring her down or make her feel less than thrilled about her baby.

Post # 29
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My son is only 8 months old, so I’m still new at this parenting thing. But one thing I have learned is that it takes time to find your footing as a parent. When my son was first born, I let some things go that felt wrong to me with regard to the care of my son because I was too wobbly in my parent role to protest. But every month I find I am more confident in my role. As time passes, you will become a strong mother too.

Post # 30
Member
817 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

My dad was the last person in my immediate family that I told. And I was scared too. We were engaged but of course it was an unplanned pregnancy and that scared me about him being disappointed or whatever. He had only met my Fiance twice.

However I love my dad dearly so I made him a nice card. On the front it was all about what a great father he is and I’m so proud to call him “Dad”….and now you will have a new title….

and on the inside I put “Grandpa!”

He read it in front of us and he was shocked at first, but it hit him right away and he got teary eyed. He definitely had a better reaction than I thought and that made me feel 100x’s better about telling him like that. He re-read the card about 10 times with a smile on his face. 🙂

Post # 31
Member
39 posts
Newbee

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@Annabelle86:

 

what Katyelle said was completely in context. you are being way too sensitive.

 

@pigeon noises:

 

I have not been pregnant but I did get very nervous when telling my parents that my then bf (now husband) and I were moving in together after only a few months of dating. I stressed about it a lot and then they were both really happy for us and completely supportive. I guess this is just one of those parts of growing up…. you have to step up and do things even if they are uncomfortable. Looking back, I can’t believe I was even nervous. Of course, I got nervous about telling them we were getting engaged also. I am sure it will all work out… you will do the right thing and probably have a stronger relationship with you father for it. Good luck!

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