Post # 1
Recently one of my best friends invited me to be a bridesmaid and my daughter to be her flower girl. She lives a significant distance away but was very persistant so I agreed. After spending $700 on our dresses, make up and hair (she made me do but refused to pay for), wedding gift, and travel expenses I hoped to at least have a few good photos to remember the event by. I was shocked that in over 600 wedding shots there was not a single shot of me and my daughter! Also, there was only 1 shot of me with the bride. Super disappointed by the whole ordeal (my friend chose to thank me for coming via text message) I was very disheartened to learn I also had to pay $20 for a copy of the photograph! I don’t want to ruin my friendship over this but I feel very disrespected and quite taken for granted. I know it would be distasteful to mention the cost I spent for all this, but is there a tasteful way to let her know my feelings are hurt?
Post # 3
I’m sorry for your situation. Something I have recently learned is that there are some people out there that are just selfish and clueless about how the way they act/talk makes others feel.
I wouldn’t say anything…or even pay for that $20 photo, that’s not really a memory I’d want to frame and hang up. I’d probably grumble every time I walked by and be reminded that the photo cost me $720.
Post # 4
I would just let it go. Technically she did thank you though definately in a very impersonal way. In todays elecrtonic era a lot of people feel this is an acceptable way to communicate and it will probably be par for the course in a few years no matter how rude some of us find it.
Post # 5
Definitely let it go and just “remember” this for other future events.
Post # 6
There were no pictures of the entire bridal party?
Post # 7
Yikes! I feel like she didn’t do anything wrong. I hope my bms don’t think that way? I assumed no one would want any pics from my wedding (and they didn’t- not even parents), so I didn’t give my bms any pics. I also didn’t take pics of my bms and their families? I’m pretty sure there was also only one shot of just the bm and me?
I did thank my bms profusely.
I think you’re expecting a little too much. On my wedding day I didn’t get to spend as much time with everyone as I do invidivually.
Post # 8
I’m older, so I don’t get the e-mail and texting, she should have written you a thank you note. Not much of a friendship if you ask me, BMs are not slaves, they should be in the pictures!
Post # 9
I think your friend was infected with a case of “bridezilla” syndrome when she made you get hair/make up but refuse to pay. If a bride is telling you how she specifically wants your hair and make up for her wedding she should pay. Some brides don’t have an issue if the BM’s want to do their own.
I wouldn’t blame your friend for not having the photographer take a picture of you and your daughter alone. If it was something you wanted you could have asked the photographer or asked your friend if she minds to have a picture of you and your daughter as a momento. But I will say to have to pay $20 is plain crazy. If it was me I, the bride would have paid for it as an extra thank you.
Unfortunately in the world of technology people use e-mail/texts for things that should be written. To thank someone in a text for standing next to you on one of the most important days of their lives is just…rude. It’s not like you bought her lunch and she texts “Thanks for lunch..YUMM!”
You’ve been hurt by her actions and believe you should mail (yep, mail) her a note and explain how you feel. Before you start to write think about what hurts you the most, her not offering to pay for makeup/hair or not getting the photo/asked to pay for it or her texting thank you. I would be honest and let her know how she made you feel. After that, it’s up to her.
Post # 10
I think if you were “forced” to get hair/makeup, she should have paid. I’m not sure what you mean by “forced”. I hope my bridesmaids don’t think I “forced” them!! I gave them the info about the salon and asked if they were interested in one, both or none and made the appointment, but I made it clear (at least I hope so!) that it was up to them if they wanted it.
How long ago was the wedding? I agree that a text/email is rude if that’s the only form of thank you, but if the wedding was recent she might be still planning on sending a written, formal thank you. I know that I sent email/text thank you’s immediately following my wedding and I also plan on sending actual thank you cards when I get them (they are on order, wedding was a few weeks ago).
Regarding her asking you to pay $20, that’s pretty crazy. Is it like an 8×10? Canvas?
Post # 11
Is the photographer asking for the $20 on a proof site? My photos just went up and thats what HE charges, but I received all the high-res photos on a disk, have you just asked your friend if she could give you a digital copy of the photos you want?
As far as only getting one photo the day of, and none of you and your daughter, don’t blame her for that. Wedding day is crazy for the bride and I’m sure that was not a priority on her list of must-have photos. You should have maybe grabbed the photographer if he had a free moment or found someone else with a camera to take one for you. Not really her responsibility.
As far as all the other stuff, yikes, expensive, and she definetly SHOULD send you a nice written thank you, have you given her enough time to do so? Maybe the text was just a quick note ahead of time?
I wouldn’t say anything to her about it now. Complaining about the costs after the fact isn’t going to benefit your friendship in any way.
Post # 12
That is very rude… if it’s a friend that you want to remain friends with, you should probably say something. Otherwise it’ll always be the elephant in the room. If you have no intention of remaining her friend, I wouldn’t even bother. Just let the friendship die out and move on.
Post # 13
@PinkMagnolia: I agree.
@ OP: Why should the bride pay to give everyone copies of pics they want? The couple hire the photog for them to get the pics as memories, and those pics are not cheap. If she paid for copies for everyone, even if just one pic to each guest, think of the huge expense that would be. i say its pretty normal for the guests to have to pay for copies of any pics they want prints of.
If she has a digital copy that she could just email you, then ask for that instead, if she expects money for that then she is being ridiculous.
It’s not the bride’s fault their don’t happen to be any pics of just you and your daughter, they paid the photog for pics of them on their day not for all their guests. Also, wedding days are hectic and sometimes you just don’t get all the pics you want taken.
Before you get all upset by her thanking you via text, give her the alloted 3 months thats typical, to send out traditional thank you notes. I’m sure this bride will send out thank you notes, but she wanted to acknowledge everything you did sooner then wait and just send out thank you notes. I think that she wanted to personally thank you is also a nice touch, whether that was text or on the phone or in person. In this day and age, technology is a huge part of peoples lives and many people prefer to communicate via text.
I do think the bride should have covered your hair and make-up if she insisted on you getting it professionally done. Anyother costs, you had agreed to so you can’t complain about that.
Post # 14
Did she buy you a bridesmaid gift? If so, what was it?
Post # 15
Hopefully there is a proper thank you coming which she has up to a year to do.
To be honest if you pictures with your daughter you should pay for it and it shouldn’t as a part of someome wedding. She doesn’t owe you that and it a bit selfish and a preety unrealistic thing to expect.
The photographer has so many pictures to take,
Brides family, grooms family, big group extended family pictures, bridal party, groom/brides individual portraits, couple shots, bridal party shots, ceremony, location, decor shots, reception shots, all events like toast, cake cutting, first dance, parents dance, and whatever else is plan in the reception.
Not only that can you imagine how much money or time it would cost her if every member of the bridal party got pictures taken???
I been in a lot of weddings and spent far more then seven hundred dollars and yet I never once asked my friends to have my own photo shoot at their wedding. Frankly if you didn’t want to spend the money without expectations of recieveing something back then you should have kindly declined the request. No one was forcing you to be bridesmaid, or to travel and spend money on her wedding.
Given the other people there, and all the things that needed to be done you can’t expect to take multiple photos with her alone, and to get photos of your daughter too. I think that asking for too much.
Post # 16
@TwoCityBride: Just FYI it’s guests that have up to a year to give a gift to the couple. Thank you cards should go out promptly.
Op – was there no thankyou speech or gift prior to the wedding?