(Closed) Texting a co-worker..harmless or something more? Long sorry!

posted 5 years ago in Career
Post # 3
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I think your conversation looks really flirtatious and I am not someone who thinks men and women can’t be friends or should not interact in the workplace. When I was still a practicing attorney my mentor and I were incredibly close-he was like an older brother to me. We NEVER had convos like that, on email, text or in person. My husband has a good friend at work who is a girl and they text each other a lot now that she moved offices and they never flirt. There’s a distinct pattern I saw in my relationship with my mentor and his relationship with his friend-talk centers on work, mutual hatreds and work gossip, personal life plans (like travel, leisure) and a little bit of bragging on the SO/spouse. She does call him boo, but she calls me that too!

You should cut it out. At some point one of your spouses will find out and hit the roof. I would not be pleased if my husband were having these types of convos with his friend. 


Post # 4
9737 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mistakenbee:  Well, so far what you’ve done is relatively harmless.   

But, that said, keep this relationship strictly work talk and stop with the flirty suggestions going back and forth.  Try to imagine how you would feel if a female co-worker of your husband’s was behaving the same way you are.  Would you be ok with it?  Do you think this guy’s wife would?

Although you may not mean anything leading by your behavior, he might be taking it that way.  If you don’t want to lead him on that you’re open to “something more,” then dial it back a notch.  Or two.

Post # 6
2775 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

You know it’s not appropriate and don’t need us to tell you that.  Nip it in the bud NOW.

Post # 8
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would be absolutely livid if I saw a text exchange like that on my FI’s phone.  I guess the question is…would your husband be upset by this?  If you found a text exchange like this between your Dh and a woman, would it bother you?

This is more than flirtatious in my opinion and I think you are crossing a line.  I’d cut the contact way back and definitely not text like that anymore.

Post # 9
5271 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I am a flirty person so I understand. While everything you posted is harmless, it is on that fine line of teetering into the inappropriate area. 

If you find yourself second guessing what you are doing then that is your sign that it is maybe getting inappropriate. Because I’m flirty I always ask myself “would I be bothered if my husband was saying this or doing this?” and if I think I would be bothered I don’t go any further.  

Post # 10
8755 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sailor:  +1

your questioning the appropriateness means you already know the answer and are looking for an excuse.

you can be friends with coworkes of the opposite sex and not text suggestive comments back and forth. 

Post # 12
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@sailor:  +1 

If my husband was a texting a woman like that, I would be furious.  You are being inappropriate.   

Post # 14
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@Mistakenbee:  I think you’re playing with fire, and it could get more dangerous really fast.

You’re at a point where it should be really easy to dial it back.  The coworker acting a little strange with you leads me to believe he’s feeling guilty about it too.  Just keep it super businesslike, and it should all blow over.


Post # 15
1006 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Like PP said, this is really inappropriate (obviously in terms of suggestion, rather than actual action) and you need to cut it off NOW.  I would be very upset if I saw an exchange like this on my SO’s phone. 

Post # 16
9737 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Mistakenbee:  The fact that you’re feeling guilty is the sign that you know you need to put a stop to this. 

For all you know this guy may have intentions/feelings towards you that would upset you very much if he acted on them. 

 That happened to me once – I was friendly with a male co-worker for about a year, light banter back and forth, texts, etc.  In my eyes everything was platonic and innocent.  We were both married to other people (this was years ago when I was married to my ex). 

But one day this guy made up some excuse for me to have to go on a “field trip” out of the office for a day.  So we would be alone.  So we would have to have lunch together.  I was still clueless up until lunch alone with him, when he suddenly grabbed my hand and started in with, “I know you feel the same way about me that I do about you.  I know you’re in love with me, like I am with you.  I can tell by the way you look at me.  You don’t belong with him, you’re my ideal woman, I don’t love my wife any more ..”  blah, blah, blah!!  I was so pissed off and I told him he was out of his mind! 

But, looking back, I felt terrible that – in his eyes – I had “led him on,” even though it was very unintentional and innocent on my part.

Men think differently than we do – keep that in mind.  🙂

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