Texting/ contact

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
9861 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Well, do you text or call him every morning? It’s one thing if you text him every morning and he never replies but if you never text or call him in the morning I think it’s a bit silly to get upset that he never does it. 

For me, it was important that we talked every day that we could but it didn’t have to be in the morning specifically. Before we lived together we would text or call each other every night before bed and I did like having that connection with him. But I didn’t rely on him to initiate it every day.

Post # 3
Member
694 posts
Busy bee

My SO and I live together but we definitely have daily good morning texts (We have different schedules so I send mine late at night so he has it to wake up to, he responds before I’m up in the AM). We also chat throughout the day, not constantly but definitely regularly.. Some friends of mine have been surprised to hear we text chat throughout the day though, so I don’t know how common that is with long term couples? I’m sure it varies from relationship to relationship

Post # 4
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

MY Darling Husband texts me when he arrives at work (he works almost an hour away). He tries to text me on his morning break no big deal if he doesn’t. He calls me on his lunch and usually texts me if his cases are running late or going longer than expected. He pretty much initiates it all b/c he has a crazy schedule and I have a boring office job lol.

Since it’s routine I do feel a bit uneasy when I don’t hear from him but it’s not a big deal. 

I’m not sure what your SO does but I know mine works on people all day so he doesn’t have the flexibility to text/call whenever he wants.

Post # 5
Member
36 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My then fiancé (now DH) were long distance for 9 months. I never expected a morning text or call so I don’t think it’s a big deal. However, we do connect during the day with texts or a call in the evening. Expecting a morning call is too much IMO. 

Post # 6
Member
6724 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

milwaukee33 :  We only text if something crosses our minds, like if a weird or funny thing happens at work, or if I’m grocery shopping, say.  Even when we lived apart — well heck, I didn’t even have texting as an option until after we got married, come to think of it.  I find it irritating more often than not.  Maybe reduce your request from ‘daily’ to “I wish you’d acknowledge me in the morning occasionally”.  Even if it doesn’t occur to him, it would be easy to set up a phone reminder if he really wanted to.  Mostly though, I wouldn’t care as long as he’s attentive when you’re around.

Post # 7
Member
11115 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Honestly, I would find it so annoying if someone called me every single morning.  I’d feel suffocated.  A bf from many years ago used to call every night at 10 pm when he got out of class.  This was before cellular technology, so I was tethered to the damn phone.  My bad, though.   Should have said something.

My Dh and I don’t talk at all while he’s at work, except when I text him a shopping list.

The upside is that if I do have to call or text, Dh responds immediately because he knows I wouldn’t be contacting him for no good reason.

Personally, if my SO insisted that I call/text every day, morning, whatever, I would have a problem with it.  It comes across as needy to me.

 

 

 

Post # 8
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2027

We live together, so we see each other every morning. He texts me, at my request, when he arrives anywhere after leaving the house, same for me.

When we were not living together I texted him first most days because I am an early to bed and an early riser. He on the other hand is a stay up all night and sleep all day kind of person and has pretty much always held night jobs since we have been together. He also texts me a lot during his “day”. He does not get upset, because he knows it is 3am and I am asleep. He also has a job where he goes through periods where he is really busy and some not so busy. If I happen to be up, I do not feel uneasy if I do not hear from him because I know this is the case. I also know he is not supposed to have his phone on the production floor and I would rather not hear from him than for him to lose his job. 

The only time I would feel uneasy if there was a time where I had asked for a text or when I know he is supposed to be home and he did not let me know he had to work over or might have hung with the guys a little longer than he said he might have. 

 

Post # 9
Member
253 posts
Helper bee

How often do you see each other? Are you in different cities?

…And are your mornings vastly different? For example, I’m a morning person, up early, but FH is NOT. He’s a night owl, hits the snooze button a couple of times and is generally in a rush. Not conducive to “cutesy us” time. It’s fine, I see him off, and we talk later.

Post # 10
Member
6668 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I would find this suffocating, regardless of whether we lived together or not. I just cannot imagine what there would be to say every morning or what the purpose would be. Then again, Darling Husband and I don’t text throughout the day, either, unless there is a reason. The idea that someone would have to contact me everyday (at any time) “just because” is stifling.

Post # 11
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

It really depends for us. Usually one of us will send an email or text to say we made it in. Especially in bad weather and I would say at 3 days out of the week, one of us will call the other just to say hi. Again, all depends on what we have on the go. 

He is presently away on a work trip and he calls me every night and he texts me every morning. There were some texts during the day today too. 

Post # 12
Member
1706 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

+100 sassy411

When my Darling Husband and I were dating, we generally spoke once a day or every other day. When I traveled abroad for work, it might be a week or more until we could talk (3 weeks was the longest when I was in a very remote village). I was traveling for work and had a job to do that was demanded everything from me.  

Now married, even during the day, we only have text/phone contact if there is a problem or we need to confirm a date or time. We are both working. Like sassy411, we both immediately respond if we get a message from the other since it will be important. The only change now is that our son likes to see where the other parent is located, so we tend to call or video call whenever the other travels — but our son is more interested in the where than in the parent, LOL. 

Post # 13
Member
695 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

My SO leaves the house for work an hour before I wake up and I always text him when I wake up and he replies when he is able. Sometimes it is right away, sometimes it is an hour+ later. He texts me on his break in the morning, we text at lunch, and then one of us calls the other one when we’re on our way home to see if either person needs anything, etc. If he gets busy at work (labor intensive job) we don’t text as much. I take his lead on the communication during the day because I am at a desk and can usually text/talk whenever.

However, this is mutually agreed upon and works for both of us. You and your SO will have to find a middle ground that works for both of you.

Post # 14
Member
51 posts
Worker bee

I don’t think there is a normal. Every couple will determine their routine and the contact that is needed for each to feel loved. My FH calls almost every morning and almost every night. I love this but for some it would be way too much! Just figure out what you need and make sure he knows. Meanwhile don’t read anything into him doing something different than what you would like unless you have been clear about it and he ignores your needs. People do what they do for all kinds of reasons and you won’t know his reasons until you chat about it. So be clear about what you would like and why you would like it. If it is super important to you and you express that clearly then I might be concerned. But also make sure it is a need and not just your own anxiety or expectations before you push the point. Pick your battles!

Post # 15
Member
2655 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Darling Husband and I live together – I leave for work about an hour and a half before he does (I wake him up as I’m leaving in lieu of an alarm lol). We actually are rarely in contact throughout the day unless something comes up (ie this morning he texted me to let me know about a dentist appointment he forgot about). Darling Husband is in and out of meetings all day, so it can be difficult to get onto him even if it’s something urgent. I man the phones a lot in my office, so don’t really have the luxury to be on the phone all day.

Before we lived together (and were just dating), we were probably in contact a little more often throughout the day. We would never call each other in the morning (too busy) but most days of the week would send a text before lunchtime to say hi.

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