Texting, driving and teenagers

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
5857 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Making her pay really won’t change anything about your situation. Neither will having different punishments for teenagers compared to other adults, imo that’s ridiculous. In my experience it’s people of all ages getting distracted or texting behind the wheel.

The laws about using you phone while driving are quite strict where I live, which I’m totally supportive of for all drivers. I think using your phone while driving is completely reckless and should hold the same consequences as drink driving.

I hope you and your family are okay and your husband makes a quick recovery!

Post # 3
8938 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Thankfully your husband is not more seriously injured. That must have been terrifying for both of you. I know it doesn’t make what she did ok but it sounds like she has learned hee lesson and knows she could have killed him. People are just stupid and think that the rules don’t apply to them, that they will never be the ones to hurt someone. Wishing your hubby a speedy recovery. 

Post # 4
5576 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

sunnierdaysahead2 :  

You are not being unreasonable, you went through something terrifying.

I really don’t know what else to say other than I’m glad he’s ok and it’s completely understandable that you are shaken up like that.

Texting and driving and blowing through a stop sign are both moving violations. If she gets enough points she could lose her license. I hope she does.

Hugs, bee.

Post # 5
5576 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

zzar45 :  

I see adults doing the same crap and I absolutely agree with the punishments being the same, no matter if it’s an adult or a teenager.

The laws are strict where I am too.

Post # 6
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m sorry your husband was in an accident! It’s true that more than ever drivers are distracted and teenagers especially don’t need any additional distractions when they’re still learning the rules of the road. 

I’m not sure what state you’re in but in CA if you’re under 18 you’re not even supposed to be able to have a bluetooth/hands-free device in the car, things are wayyyy more strict here which I feel is justified for the actions if they are caught. I’m not sure what happens or what the implications are if they are the offenders in an accident though, I feel like that should hold more weight for sure.

I hate texting and driving it gives me anxiety if someone is driving me in their car and they are looking at their phone. I would probably feel the same way you are right now if I were in your shoes. It sounds like her parents feel bad and I’m hoping that was a reality check for her. 

Post # 8
5576 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

sunnierdaysahead2 :  

However, she also ran a stop sign and caused an accident. I think there will be more to it than just texting, she has a few charges against her

Post # 9
9861 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would be furious as well. I think we go way too easy on people who cause accidents while driving.

A couple years ago my brother and his wife (then girlfriend) were driving back up to college when a driver swerved into the wrong lane, hit them, and caused thier car to go off the road and it rolled three times. They were extremely lucky to have minor injuries.

She didn’t have her license suspended either and this was the third accident she had caused. Punishing the driver who hit your husband may not change anything about your situation but it could save others.

Post # 10
9094 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Yeah, she’s not “getting off easy”, there were other parts to the accident. According to you she also blew through a stop sign and had an (at fault for her) accident.

She’s probably going to have her license/permit revoked.

Edit: Making her “pay” will not make the accident not have happened. Let this shit go and be thankful your SO is alive and well.

Post # 11
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

sunnierdaysahead2 :  I am just writing to show support. I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s accident. I am very happy he will make a full recovery. 

Her insurance will go up substantially in addition to the other charges. Hang in there and take it day by day bee…

Post # 12
430 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I am sorry to hear what happened to your husband. Major disregard for blatant safety risks is so offensive to me. Everyday in my job I am trying to keeping people from harming themselves and those around you, but there is only so much you can do. 

Be grateful for your husbands outcome and that everyone was ok. I understand the anger, but it doesn’t make it better for you or husband.

It sounds like the young girl learned a very valuable lesson last night about the risks of driving and texting. The best punishment for her would be her parents to take away any driving priveleges for her for a long time. It sounds like it from the way she reacted towards you, guilt will eat her up for a long time. Maybe there will be some good that comes of this for her as a growing up opportunity. We all make mistakes and this girl paid the price for texting alongside your husband. As a society, we need to start condeming using your cell while driving like we do with drinking and driving and not wearing a seatbelt. It needs to become a cultural norm as opposed to just a law. 

Post # 13
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

sunnierdaysahead2 :  God, I am so sorry.  That’s just so horrible for you and your Darling Husband.  I’m glad to hear that he’s going to be ok.  I can’t imagine the anger you must be feeling.  I think for your own sanity it probably makes sense not to focus on the outcomes for her and just focus on your husband and supporting him through his recovery.

That said, you bring up an interesting question here.  I think that like in many situations, figuring out what “justice” looks like here is really tricky.  I would think that a license suspension for someone who casuses such as serious accident seems like an appropriate punishment, along with mandatory driver training lessions. To me that feels like it would help solve the actual problem (poor driving skills, poor maturity), even though it wouldn’t make the victim whole.  I’m not sure there is anyway you and your Darling Husband can be made whole for what has happened.  I think the fact that she’s a teenager isn’t really relevant – I’ve seen both teens and adults make stupid choices while driving and I think they should be treated the same way.

I think they’ve done reserach that shows that texting and driving is very similar to drinking and driving in terms of the danger caused.  It’s interesting how we treat those situations so differently in our society.  If she had been drinking, I believe she’d be in jail, right?  

Post # 14
4054 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

So I want to give a few perspectives on this.

First, I am so sorry that happened to your Darling Husband. You must feel terrified and helpless and I can’t even imagine how he is feeling. I know you want to punch her in the throat and I completely understand that too. I would want to do the same.

But let me offer you another perspective, which you might be mad at me for suggesting so I’m sorry if this comes off as insensitive or you don’t want to hear it.

I am a high school teacher. I teach senior girls who just got their licenses. I can tell you that her reaction was the “right” one. She was crying and hysterical and obviously remorseful. As traumatic as it is for you and your husband you also have to remember being that age and being in your first serious accident. She made a terrible horrible mistake that she will now replay in her mind over and over again. If I can tell you my opinion it would be that I do not think she will ever pick that phone up and text while driving again. She is lucky she didn’t kill someone.

If her reaction was the way you described I can tell you that she seems scared, worried, angry at herself and wishing she could take it back. As difficult as it is for you and your husband, please remember she is a teenager and teenagers make a lot of mistakes, some much more detrimental than others but I am sure it was not her intention to hurt anyone.

I also see plenty of adults texting while driving or driving like maniacs. Yes teens are more prone to text while driving I’m sure but it’s also not fair to assume that they are the only ones who do so. I am very happy to hear that your husband is not more seriously injured. I don’t want you to think I am being insensitive to your husband and I’m sorry if my post comes off that way.  I will continue to pray for his swift recovery, Bee.

Post # 15
1536 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I am a lawyer but I’m not your lawyer and this is not legal advice…etc.

You do have the option of filing a civil lawsuit against her (really it’d be against her parents’ insurance company, but the jury is not allowed to find out anything about the insurance, even the fact that she had it or not, so on paper it will be her).  

Depending on where you are, you may be able to ask the jury to assess punitive damages.  

Based on what you said, I would think the insurance company would want to settle this quick, so somebody would be paying.  I hope there’s not a policy limits issue (Varies from state to state but oftentimes I’ve seen $30k per person/$60k per occurrence as being the minimum liability insurance required by law), but if it’s a Lexus SUV then I am hopeful that her parents bought higher limits.   

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