Post # 31
apollo : It’s hard for me to have empathy for the driver. I don’t put reaching for a water bottle in the same category as texting. I can reach for the bottle without taking my eyes off the road. You need much more dexterity to text, not to mention you actually need to look at the screen. While I do understand what you’re saying, I don’t agree with it. At least not right now.
And my lack of empathy stems from the fact that my husband has had a set back. He had a lot of back pain last night, which was to be expected, but the extent of the pain wasn’t normal according to the doctors. So they did more tests and they found he has a compression fracture in his spine. It’s not severe enough to need surgery; I guess where it’s located it will naturally heal on its own, but it could take several months. So they want to keep him at least one more day and do another CT of his head to check on his concussion as I was told sometimes they will see a bleed a couple of days later. To say I’m scared is an understatement.
To make matters worse, the driver’s parents showed up at the hospital last night. They found out my husband’s name and what room he was in. They brought him flowers and kept apologizing for their daughter. My Mother-In-Law was there (she and Father-In-Law flew in from out of state) and she went off on them. Security had to be called and it was a mess. I found out that the driver’s mom works at the hospital as a nurse and we’re not sure if she logged into the system and found out my husband’s name or she asked someone, but I met with the hospital administration today because I want to file a formal complaint for the HIPPA violation. The administration is taking this very seriously and said they are looking back to see how she found him. Since my husband works there, there normally is special security to access his file (or any employee’s when they’re a patient) but now there is even more on him. So now I need to deal with that.
The doctors (who have given my husband the VIP treatment because he knows all of them) are confident that he will make a full recovery. He was in pretty good physical shape before the accident so that is helping him a lot. He is up walking (even with the back fracture, which kind of blows my mind) with the walking boot for his ankle and every time someone asks how he feels, he says the same thing – “like I got hit by a car”. He’ll be cleared to go back to work late next week, but if he takes those days off with pay, he won’t have enough PTO to take the trip to California that we were planning for November (which now may be a moot point). So to add insult to injury, he may be missing work without pay.
Thank you all for your well wishes. I am still having trouble letting this anger go. I understand for my own health I can’t keep this bottled up. I am really trying to stay positive but it’s so hard! Do I tell my husband that I’m struggling? I don’t want to be a burden when he’s the one hurt.
Post # 32
sunnierdaysahead2 : OMG I just read your update. I feel so bad for you and your Darling Husband. I really really understand your anger. But I would absolutely not mention it to him right now.
Your feelings are totally normal but right now he needs to focus on getting better, and sharing your angry feelings with him is only going to create negative energy. I believe positivity is a part of recovery. So while you’re extremely angry (totally acceptable) I would just try to not share that so much right now. Your anger will pass as time goes on but just concentrate on his recovery rather than the anger.
And also, the driver’s family coming into your DH’s room is NOT OK. That needs to be dealt with immediately. Those people are bold AF. No way should that be happening. And if the mother is a nurse, shame on her, she should know better than to invade your privacy.
Post # 33
MrsBuesleBee : I will talk about any potential legal action once my husband’s health issues have settled down. His mom already brought it up and he didn’t want to talk about it at all. I did find out, and I guess this is a good thing, that the driver was ticketed for failing to stop at the stop sign, excessive speed, texting and causing an accident in a contruction zone. The last one is a big deal, especially because she is under 21. I don’t know the exact fine but it’s more than the standard $75 for just texting.
Post # 34
Cheekie0077 : Positivity is a huge part of recovery. My husband has always said that, so I will keep my anger limited to WB. As I said, he’s in better spirits than I am, but he’s also pumped up with pain medicine.
I agree that it was a ballsy move by the parents. It’s funny how administration is bending over backwards for my husband now.
Post # 35
sunnierdaysahead2 : yea it’s definitely one of those times where you have to take it one day at a time, try not to overwhelm him with things that don’t have to be discussed right this minute (suing the driver, angry or resentful feelings, the upcoming vacation, etc.) he just needs to concentrate on getting better today and feeling better tomorrow. Everyelse else can wait. Good luck Bee, keep us updated on his progress & I will still say my prayers…
Post # 36
sunnierdaysahead2 : I do not agree that the punishments should be more strict, I think their parents should take more responsibility.
I have a 17 year old who, fortunately, has not shown any interest in driving until recently. Mainly because he is a senior this year. He can get his DL after driving with a permit for 6 months on Oct 13th. Ex husband and I discussed the car he would get and we agreed that nothing over 4 cyl was necessary. I would NEVER buy a kid just learning how to drive or that had only been driving a year or two something with such power. Also, there is an app that has been put on his phone that will shut functions on the phone off once he reaches certain speeds and will not turn back on until he stops.
Giving your child a car with that much power, and worth so much, is just impractical and very much the epitomy of the spoiling of children these days. One thing though, at least she was apologetic. I was rearended by a little girl a few years ago who was texting and she could not understand why she was charged, when even the passenger in her car told her it was because she was not paying attention and that is what caused the wreck.
I am glad to hear your husband is doing well. I hope he continues to improve.
Post # 37
If she had caused this accident because she’d been drinking, holy HELL would she be paying for it. Even if she HADN’T caused an accident but was nevertheless caught drinking and driving, holy HELL would she be paying for it. Community service, jail time, fines, and loss of license here in Nevada. Seems to me that causing an accident because you’re texting is just about as foolish and lamentable as causing an accident because you’re drinking; not sure why one is punished so much more harshly than the other.
And I have to seriously disagree with everyone saying that making her “pay” is unnecessary. If her license were to be immediately revoked, then, boy, it sure would be difficult for her to cause more accidents in the near future. Sometimes we make real mistakes, and although they are mistakes and we feel extreme remorse, we still deserve to be punished. OP, I completely understand why you’d want her to have a harsher punishment.
Post # 38
Your husband is an ER physician. If he committed such a serious lapse of judgment, made such a “mistake”, there would be lots of calls for a lawsuit. There surely is not a driver alive today – teenager or much older adult – who is not aware that one should not text/phone and drive. What she did wasn’t a mistake. She knew better, but decided the rules didn’t pertain to her.
Hopefully, your husband has good disability insurance, because this will likely be impacting your income until he can go back to work. ER shifts are brutal and he’ll need to gain his stamina back before he can return to work full time.
If the insurance company treats you fairly, and they replace your income while he recovers, maybe let it go so you don’t spend more time and angst than necessary with frustrations over the legal system. If not, I wouldn’t hesitate to sue. Both because you shouldn’t have to live off savings due to her recklessness, but also because actions have consequences. She may have to learn that sooner than some of her friends.
Post # 39
sunnierdaysahead2 : “So to add insult to injury, he may be missing work without pay” wait till hes out of the weeds and then yes… SUE. I cant believe they had the balls to go through his records and show up in the room.
I do think you can express your struggles to your husband at a certain point. You are a human and are affected by this too! Obviously youll pick the right moment but I dont think youll be able to put on a cheery face forever. Maybe after the surgeries have passed? Im sorry again, bee.