(Closed) Texts with the ex. Ugh :(

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Oh, my let me start off by saying I’m sorry nobody responded to you! Secondly, just live your life and you’re right, time heals most everything. At this point, he is just being manipulative. Maybe not on purpose, but by not giving you a straight answer, he is being manipulative. Maybe he does love you still. But as the old saying goes, if you love something, set it free. I think you both need to do some soul searching alone for a few months. Date other people even. You are broken up. He doesn’t have the right to guilt you into not dating anyone in the hopes that maybe you’ll end up together. You need some time apart, and if you come back to each other after being apart, then you were really meant to be together. However, if you’re arguing this much without even being married, things usually only go down from there. I hope you heal, and things improve! *HUGS!*<br />

Post # 3
522 posts
Busy bee

alpinebride:  +1 to every.single.word.

Seriously, at this point he is being a manipulative little shit (sorry). If he TRULY didn’t want you to date other guys he’d get his act together and win you back. He’s not doing that so all you have is words. And words don’t cost any effort.  He says that he doesn’t wnat to be without you but he is not getting his act together he is not fighting for you…basically he’s hoping you’ll hang around while he gets his own shit done and still be waiting when he’s ready. I don’t think so!

Every single thing he is doing is exactly what my ex did when he broke up with me. Exactly. He didn’t want me to move on but if I did the “Guy better appreciate how lucky he is” and on and on. I made the mistake of not blocking him and letting him continue to contact me. It drove me insane. His actions (hooking up with another girl almost immediately) did not reflect his texts and I was trying so hard to figure out what his deal was. What I learned was he was afraid to let me go. He had been with me for two years and he knew me. I was familiar, I was comfortable.

I ended up having to leave college for a week because I eventualyl had a breakdown after 9 months of mixed messages (we met up over winter break and slept together, he told me he loved me and only wanted me, went back to her….it’s a long and sordid story). I just can’t help wishing that I could somehow save you from wasting so much time like I did on a guy who doesn’t feel like getting his shit together.

Post # 4
1231 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I read your previous posts.  The whole “will-we-or-won’t-we get back together” is completely typical, and just about everybody experiences it (there’s a reason why Taylor Swift wrote a song about, lol!).  Moving on and finding somebody new is intimidating and scary.  You feel lonely.  Pretty soon, getting back together with someone familiar and safe seems like the best option.  If you do get back together, it quickly becomes apparent why you broke up in the first place.  I didn’t read everything very carefully, but it sounds like you are both nice people, you just want different things.  Wanting different things is a dealbreaker, to me.  A couple is a team that works together.  When you find someone who shares your goals, everything will flow more easily and naturally.         

Post # 5
774 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

I say, try to hold in your mind the reasons it ended in the first place. Trust me, those reasons still exist no matter what he sweet things he says in a cheap text message. Don’t get back together unless you see evidence of REAL change and wait a while. See how you feel and see if he’s still all sweetness and love in a few months. If you’re really the only girl for him, as he says, then he’ll wait a few months for you no problem.

Also, cut regular contact ASAP. There is no way you can get your head around the break up if he’s still texting you sweet things all the time. He’s just trying to keep you on the hook and stop you dating other people without serious intentions to change and win you back.

Just to share my personal experience: I broke up with a guy after about 2.5 years of dating. It went from a wonderful relationship to him just taking me for granted and treating me like his maid, having me pay his bills (yes, I was an idiot). I finally got the courage to break it off and the same stuff happened. Sweet messages, emails etc. even presents. Sad to say, he convinced me to give it another try…..three, yes, three short days later, it was back to the same old shit. That was a huge wake-up call and that time I kicked him to the curb and didn’t look back (and blocked him from facebook/email etc). I’m now married to a great guy who would never treat me like that. 

TL:DR Texts and words are cheap, it’s action and change that counts. Don’t confuse the two and get back into a bad situation and don’t waste your time on someone that’s not worth it. 




Post # 6
971 posts
Busy bee

I’m almost 50 and have been through the ringer in relationships. I’ve seen this a lot. He’s not into it. Period. He’s feeling ambivalent about giving up a sure thing (a girl who is nuts for him) for an unsure thing. He is not ready to let go of this branch until he has another one to grab onto. But trust me, the instant he has another branch to grab onto, he will. He’ll let go of you and never look back. Move on. Cease all contact. This relationship was really such a small fraction of your life so far. A very small fraction. Let go and move forward.

I noticed you keep telling yourself that he is having *honest and emotional* moments with you that are confusing you. He is being honest. Listen to what he is really telling you. He’s saying *I don’t want to commit but I don’t want to give you up and I know that’s selfish*.

Post # 7
863 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

This is a classic guy behaviour, the case where he wants to keep his foot in the door because he has nothing else lined up and he knows you’re a sucker for him, no insult intended. 

I’ve been where you are and I was an IDIOT and let him screw with my head on and off for YEARS.  We’d go months without talking, run into each other at a mutual friends event and he’d make his move and see if he could still have me.  Once he had my attention, he’d back off and we’d go months without talking.  Repeat that a few times.  It was the most painful break-up because he kept me hanging on.  Take our advice and cut ties with him completely.

When you meet the kind of guy that’s right for you, you’ll look back and wonder why you accepted this, I promise!


The topic ‘Texts with the ex. Ugh :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors