(Closed) Thank You card etiquette

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

Nope. Thank yous are only for gifts (physical or cash).

Post # 4
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I would if they came the wedding- I’d thank them for sharing your day & for the well wishes. If they didn’t attend, but just sent the card in the mail, I wouldn’t send one. (ETA: It is not technically “required” in either circumstance, but I think it’s a nice touch to thank them for their attendance & well wishes)

Post # 5
Member
761 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Yes, you need to send a thank you card to everyone.  If they gave you a card + no gift, you simply thank them for attending your wedding and mention how lovely it was to see them on the wedding day. 

 

Post # 8
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

We sent thank-you’s to everyone who attended (well still have about 8 to do) and there’s a hidden benefit in that someone who gave you a gift that you didn’t know about will often be prompted to ask if you got it, when you only thank them for attending. We had given guests the option to make a donation in our name to a local animal rescue league, and the rescue league didn’t tell us when they received the donations. We also had one guest ship a gift that never turned up. So based on our thank-you cards, these guests mentioned their gifts, which gave us a chance to start tracking them down.

Post # 9
Member
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

According to etiquette (and this is the etiquette board), thank you notes only go to those who gave a gift. The reception is that thank you for attending the wedding ceremony. Additonal thank yous are seen as a reminder that the person did not in fact send a gift and presents the bride and groom as gift grabby.

Post # 11
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

@mrsSonthebeach:  I agree.  Thank you cards are to show gratitude for gifts. You’ve already shown gratitude for their presence at your ceremony by wining and dining them at the reception.

Post # 12
Member
3175 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@mrsSonthebeach:  I agree with this, but we’re talking about someone who brought a card, not someone who came empty handed, so I think it’s more of a gray area. I could see it coming across as gift grabby if they were empty handed, but I think thanking them for the card (well wishes) in addition to attendance would be nice, as the couple gave the card in lieu of the gift they may not have been able to afford. Like I said in my post, it’s not required for cards, but I don’t think there’s any harm in it, either.

Post # 14
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

As far as the potential for guests to see a thank-you card just for their attendance as being gift-grabby, you kind of have to know your crowd. Not everyone knows the many subtle “rules” of etiquette, especially when those “rules” were written decades ago and have not been refreshed for a digital world where people tend to send e-cards way more often than paper cards.  I would imagine that someone who knows etiquette to the point that they equate a thank-you card with a gift grab (because the reception is theoretically your thank-you, hence no card is required) would also know that bringing at least a card for the couple is also good etiquette. In other words, those folks would be unlikely to be on the “thank you for coming to our reception” list simply because their knowledge of etiquette would have prompted them to give you a gift or at least a card.

Anyway, you know your guests better than I do. If you specifically said “no gifts” then I don’t see any way you’d look gift-grabby by thanking the guests for spending the day with you.

Post # 15
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I was just about to ask this same question!  Are you sending thank you’s to people who came to the wedding but did not give a card or a gift? 

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