Thank you card etiquette for gifts

posted 1 year ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

I would wait until you have the gift in-hand.  I got some early gifts for my shower, but waited until they had arrived so I could write a proper thank you about them.

Post # 3
13243 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
gunnabamissus :  You write thank you notes immediately, as gifts are received. So you’d wait until this one arrives and send thank you notes ahead of the wedding to anyone else whose gift is sent before the wedding. 

Keep in mind that your note should reflect the enjoyment you will receive from this gift or the use you will put it to since you’re not supposed to actually start using gifts before the wedding. 

Post # 4
3944 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Send it as soon as you receive it.

Post # 5
914 posts
Busy bee

Yes, send the card when you receive it. For those who sent gifts early and who also attended the wedding. They received two cards. One when we received the gift thanking them and telling them that we can’t wait to celebrate with them on the wedding day. The second card thanked them for their attendance and once again for the gift they sent. I had an excel spreadsheet to keep track. 

Post # 7
15 posts

Not sure of etiquette here – but I’d send thank you’s as gifts come in, just for the sake of making sure you don’t forget anything or anyone! And to lighten the eventual load. 

Post # 8
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

For the people who send a gift and have RSVPed yes, you can just send one thank you (for the gift) immediately when you receive it. I usually wrote something like “looking forward to celebrating with you in August!” at the end of the note. You don’t need to send an additional thank you after the wedding, the reception is the “thank you” for attending.

Post # 9
5002 posts
Bee Keeper

Gift in hand.  And asap once it is received.

I’ve had friends have the experience of the purchased item actually end up backordered and then the order finally cancelled after 6 weeks when it became clear they wouldn’t get more in stock.  Also had a friend whose item was broken in shipping and then it was out of stock when she returned it to get a replacement but she had already gushed about how much she loved the item she had yet to receive.  Same friend (glutton for punishment) profusely thanked someone for getting her the instant pot off her registry.  Only the person wasn’t buying her the instant pot.  She was buying herself an instant pot and buying my friend a much cheaper item and both items got marked off her registry in error.

Post # 10
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Send thank-you as soon as you get the gift IF they are not coming. However, if someone would have RSVPed yes and sent me a gift early, I sent them their thank-you along with the other wedding thank-you’s (I actually don’t think anyone sent me a gift early though, everyone waited and brought their gift with them). No need to 2nd two thank you notes that will both just get thrown in the trash. I always made sure to say “Thanks for the gift, we’ll use it for XYZ (if you know what you’ll use it for), we will miss celebrating with you!” 


I’ll probably catch shit about this, but I did not send a thank-you note to guests for simply attending my wedding. That is a little excessive IMO. BUT I also had like 275 people attend my wedding + reception and I was not about to write 275 thank you notes for them showing up. Only people who gave gifts/cash/checks/cards got a thank-you. I did send thank-you’s to my family who helped in any way and vendors. 

Post # 12
13243 posts
Honey Beekeeper

View original reply
gunnabamissus :  Thank you notes are for gifts, not attendance. No second note. Properly, you would thank every guest in person for attending, either by a receiving line or one on one greetings at the tables or elsewhere. Also, the reception itself is meant in part to thank your guests. 

It’s actually your guests who should thank you after the affair for the hospitality. Of course you can thank them again for attendance if you are writing a note about the gift, but you would not send a separate one. 

Post # 14
2255 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

We got a lot of gifts before the wedding and sent thank you cards (store bought) right away. We had thank you cards made up with pics from the wedding right after the wedding and we sent them a second one if we thought they might appreciate the ones with pictures (a couple of aunts, was really all). If the gifts came the week of the wedding, we just waited until after the wedding to send them. 

We always sent thank you’s as soon as the gift was in hand. It made it a lot easier for after the wedding! Also, wait until its in hand. We had a few things that people purchased off of our registry for themselves because they liked it so much! 

Post # 15
1095 posts
Bumble bee

Thank you notes as soon as gift is received whether they are coming to the wedding or not. 


No thank you notes for attendance – for anyone.  Whether they gave a gift or not.  The reception is the “thank you” for attending your wedding ceremony.

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