(Closed) Thank you card etiquette…to write or to not write, that is the question

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
1219 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
breatheandrelax:  Still confused. 

Destination Wedding + no gift = thank you note

Destination Wedding + local + no gift = no thank you note

Is that what you are saying?  Its fine with me but odd.

 

Post # 17
Member
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

The reception is the thank you for attendees. You are not obligated to send a thank-you note to those who did not give a gift, and indeed I agree that it might come off as passive-aggressive. Notes are normally only sent to those who gave a gift.

Post # 18
Member
93 posts
Worker bee

If people flew across the country to celebrate my wedding you better believe I would send them a thank you.  I would never expect them to get me a gift, no matter how many events you have that they attend.  They spent at least a grand to attend your wedding.  How can you expect that they spend more?  

Post # 19
Member
976 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

In terms of pure etiquette, you aren’t obligated to send a thank-you card, but I think your reasons for not sending one are pretty offensive.

You have no room for more stuff and didn’t have a registry. That’s basically telling people not to get you gifts.

You can’t ask for money, or expect money. If you make it clear that you don’t want gifts, you have zero excuse to be put off when you don’t get them.

Post # 20
Member
2729 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I would send a thank you to those that attended the Destination Wedding + Local even if they didn’t give a gift. You still need to thank them for traveling to your Destination Wedding (I may not mention the local wedding in the thank you though). Those that attended the Destination Wedding shouldn’t have been invited to the local wedding anyway.

Post # 21
Member
7853 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

It’s just been a few weeks since your wedding(s)? You may still be receiving gifts for another month or so…

Post # 22
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
breatheandrelax:  I’m not married yet but my expectation was that I’d send a thank you note to everyone who attends, whether they give a gift or not. I thought the thank you notes were more about thanking the person for attending the wedding and reception, not neccessarily because they gave a gift (although it’s polite to thank the person if they did bring a gift). Even if they didn’t bring a gift, they still took the time out of their day or weekend to attend your event and that deserves a thank you, IMO.

Post # 23
Member
1225 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

You’re not thanking them for their presence, you’re thanking them for spending their precious vacation days to honour you, for paying for flights and hotels, for organizing care for pets or children, for visiting a destination they’re not excited about seeing, and generally disrupting their lives. 

Don’t hold it against them if they did all this….but failed to run to the drugstore for your 1.99$ card. Yeesh. 

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