(Closed) Thank-you card for friend who couldn't attend wedding but took us out to dinner?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
2170 posts
Buzzing bee

Id send her a card after your dinner, thanking her for taking you out and celebrating that way.

Post # 3
Member
4963 posts
Honey bee

Send her a card after you have your dinner together.

If you are talking specifically about a wedding themed card, it doesn’ matter because you should be handwriting your sentiments anyway.  Any card will do for that.

Post # 4
Member
13745 posts
Honey Beekeeper

What would you be thanking her for? The answer is you would send a thank you note after the dinner, not before. 

Post # 5
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

Anytime someone hosts you to substantial entertainment; whether it is dinner, or a theatre party, or dancing, you should send a thank-you note the next day. Notes are best written on your personalized stationery (which brides used to get as a wedding present from close family). Plain personalized stationery is actually the most gracious choice when thanking people for wedding gifts, too, but many people prefer to use special-occasion stationery. However, after a few weeks, let alone months, the special occasion is past and its stationery should be retired. The advantage of choosing for your wedding note-cards plain, high-quality elegant notecards, engraved or printed with your name and address and without any explicit reference to you wedding, is that you can then use those beautiful cards for ever after.

Post # 6
Member
554 posts
Busy bee

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aspasia475 :  Does that mean that all our guests should be sending us thank you notes after our wedding since we hosted them to substantial entertainment? 😉 

Post # 7
Member
7 posts
Newbee

Of course, everyone has different ways to express congrats, so just accept it and sent the card.smile

Post # 8
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

@cosimaske: Actually, yes, it does. Bread-and-butter notes should be sent to the hostess, who is the person named in the invitation who “requests the pleasure of your company”. At weddings even nowadays that’s usually that’s the mother of the bride. If you had a committee of parents who did the inviting “together with” the bride and groom, then you’ve made it a little difficult for the guests to figure out whom to thank, and you can probably expect them to forego that little nicety rather than to worry about solving the puzzle.

Every time someone asks whether they should be sending thank-you notes to people for attending the wedding, rather than sending thank-you notes for gifts, I point out that they have that obligation backwards. Guests thank hosts for the party. Recipients thank donors for the gifts.

Post # 9
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

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aspasia475 :  Um, no. Just no… this is crazy out dated

Thank you notes shouldn’t be flying around willy nilly… “Thank you for the gift”, “Oh no thank you for the meal”, “Oh no thank you for giving me my stationary”, “Oh no thank you for the stamp”

#Savethetrees #Andoursanity 

Post # 10
Member
9145 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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Innerdonught :  It makes more sense than the hosts sending “thanks for coming” notes. Not much gets me going, but that trend drives me nuts. People have it so backwards.

Post # 11
Member
2320 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
Daisy_Mae :  People do that!?

Post # 12
Member
9145 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
Innerdonught :  Yes, you see people ask it here all the time: “My wedding is over, should I send thank you cards just to people who gave gifts, or to everyone who came?” Most responses give the accepted answer that thank you notes are for gifts, but there’s also a good amount of people who say “I sent them to everyone, I think it’s rude and greedy to only thank people for gifts. I’m just super nice and extra like that.” More like, it’s a way to extend the bride-euphoria for a little bit longer and get another photo in front of people. … Yeah, I’m cynical.

Post # 13
Member
7887 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I would send the thank you card after the dinner. 

Post # 14
Member
67 posts
Worker bee

Ditto pp. The dinner would be considered a celebratory gift imo, and a card can be sent after. It’s a really nice gesture for someone to take you out to dinner after the fact. 

Post # 15
Member
1692 posts
Bumble bee

Feel free to send your bread-and-butter notes by email or text message. Technology marches on, and I figure if people can abandon India Ink for fountain pens with impunity, they can abandon ball-point pens for keyboards. But I can think of a lot worse things, than having expressions of thankfulness flying around “willy nilly”. And, I don’t think there’s much risk of society collapsing under the weight of too many thanks. Quite the opposite.

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