(Closed) Thank you card for no gift?

posted 10 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’d do a search for board topics on this, there have been several in the last couple of weeks!  My advice is just to say thank you for coming.

Post # 5
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

You can say thank you for coming, but if this is a friend or family member you feel comfortable talking to, I would tell them you didn’t receive anything on the off chance that they did send something and you didn’t receive it.  I did this with a friend of mine who was moving and the gift card they thought they gave us actually got packed up in the move on accident.  I told them after the wedding that we didn’t have anything from them, and that I wasn’t trying to say I expected something, but they had mentioned at the wedding they had a gift for us.  They were glad I told them because otherwise, the card could have lanquished in a moving box forever, and it might have led to hurt feelings down the road with them thinking we didn’t thank them for a gift we never received.  But if it is a guest you don’t feel comfortable asking about it, maybe it is better to let it go.

Post # 6
192 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

We ran into this as well. I was told by a guest I invited that they could not attend the wedding but look in the mail something is coming your way! So when I received their card I expected money or gift card and it was just a card. My mom and I are sure they meant to send something but are afraid they forgot to include it in the card or that the set of pans we received with no name or card is from them. Since we are not super close to them we are going to let it go and not mention it until we see them again and hope they say did you get my gift, or did you get my card.

Post # 7
4 posts
  • Wedding: October 2008

my boss came to our wedding,but he couldnt make it to the reception, he had a beautiful Roman-catholic church ceremony. days later while we were in our honelymoon I accidentally text him (since I have the touch iphone) so he gets back to me with a ? mark, I  just reply saying it was an accident, so it lead to a conversation, he said o please expect a little something in themail form my wife and I, well, a month went by, so i purpuselly emailed him saying exactly this words:

"Dear Boss, regarding the comment you made about sending a little something from yoou and your lovely wife, i just wanted to let you know if u had a tracking number for the shipping, since something similar happened to us with an uncle,he sent us a gift and we have not received it yet so he had to do a lot of phone call and research to the  post office to try to find the item and the tracking number. I just didnt want you to think I had a lready received the gift and I havent thanked you."

I made the whole uncle story up, but i just dont like that sh***it of people telling u" Oh exept something" and you never get anything… bunch of hipocrates.

i didnt hear from him via email, but the next week i went to work after the email, he even came to me to dropp ff my check on location and he mentioned something about the gisft, but the poor thing was shaking and could barely speak telling me "Oh referring to your email, dont worry its not a gift we wanted to send you, we wanted tosend you some money but im waiting for a big deposit, so you’ll get it next week" I could have been shy or embarras but and the end I got what I wanted, I still waititng for that check, but a least I spoke my mind with out being rude… some people just  need a push…

good luck, but its always better to be apfront and talk, that’s why we have a toungue.

Post # 8
2 posts

in the end you got what you wanted crashed?


You made your boss feel incredibly awkward and embarrassed…

Post # 9
3 posts

Crasheddreams – you are mistaken if you think you spoke your mind and you weren’t rude. You were extremely rude.  

Post # 10
2680 posts
Sugar bee

I wouldnt say anything but just send them a thank you card for attending and that it was so nice to see them.  If you dont refer to a gift and they DID forget to send it, they will realize it then.  I had my Mother-In-Law ask her friend about a gift ONLY because I couldve sworn we got something from the friend and I couldnt find the card and didnt write down what it was and wanted to make sure they got their thank you card.  In the end they hadnt sent one yet and told her they were going to soon and they did about a week later.  BUT! I did not have her ask because I wanted to make sure we got a gift, I just wanted to make sure they got a thank you card and thought we had already gotten something from them.  I was actually really embarassed when I found out because I thought her friend would think we are just trying to get a gift until Mother-In-Law told me not to worry about it, thats not how her friend took it.

Long story short, if you didnt get a gift dont say anything.  It can be very awkward and you might really embarass the person.  One of my DH’s best friends didnt get us a gift and was super embarassed they hadnt yet and promised to when they got home.  Of course we told them we didnt need a gift since they spent so much money to come out here and for him to be in the wedding.  We still havent gotten on and I couldnt care less – its more important to me that they were there.  Will I send a card?  Probably not but only because he already got a thank you card at the rehearsal dinner for being a groomsman in the wedding.

Post # 11
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Thank them for coming and that it meant a lot to you and your husband to have them there. No mention of a gift. Ever.


Post # 12
999 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010 - Mr. P's Grandparents’ Ranch

I also think you should not mention the gift after all if you invite someone it means you really want them there – if they go – thats a gift right there!!

Post # 13
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree, thank them for coming and no need to mention the gift. Like Miss Poodle said, their presence at the wedding should be plenty enough…at least it is for me.

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