(Closed) Thank You card for no gift?

posted 13 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 20
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

View original reply
@akehurst:  I could not disagree more with the person who said gifts should not be expected. . .you are ashamed of the birdes?  what?  Brides should be so grateful to guests for honoring them with their presence at their most intimate life event?  I don’t know what planet you are living on and I don’t know any brides who have a wedding for the gifts.  That being said, it is the presentless guest who should feel ashamed of themselves.  The bride and groom are “including them” in their celebration and they don’t have the courtesty to give a nice card of well wishes, and maybe even a box of candy?  That is common courtesy and should be expected.  If a guest shows up at a wedding, eats the food, drinks the wine, etc, and gives “nothing”, they are CHEAP.

Post # 21
Member
386 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I posted this question before and was told the etiquette rule on this is that you should not send a thank you card to someone who did not bring a gift because it can be taken as you reminding them they didn’t get you a gift, which is rude. I was not aware of this rule before, but the person who posted the answer is pretty well versed on etiquette.

Post # 22
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I just finished my thank yous.  In fact my fiance and I each wrote separate thank yous to each of our guests, regardless of any gift.  I left it to her to thank the guests specifically for the gifts and I just thanked them for coming or for some small thing they did that made me smile.  We specifically told people that we considered their attendance the most  precious gift of all.  We also linked to a modest wedding registry for those guests who felt compelled to buy a gift regardless.  

The period immediately following your wedding is the one time in your life you have ocassion to share joy with so many people.  Take advantage!

Post # 23
Member
138 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It’s only expected to give one gift to the couple.  Thus, its totally understandable that people would give a gift at the shower and not at the wedding.  In fact, they probably feel that they are being very considerate of you – attending your shower and giving you a gift in advance rather than a big package to deal with on your wedding day!

Sure, gifts aren’t to be expected, but it is also rude to attend a wedding as a guest and not give a gift.  It’s one of those catch-22’s.  Just send a thank you saying thanks for coming.  It does happen that gifts get misplaced or lost.  If that’s the case, when the guests receive your “thanks for coming” card they’ll probably realize the mishap, rather than assuming that you’re the one with bad manners!

Post # 23
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

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akehurst:  Actually, I thought your earlier reply was very eloquent – not a judgmental lecture at all.  You’re right, we should all be grateful for the blessing of people’s company and the celebratory congratulations they offer, not their gifts.  With that in mind, I think it’s a very thoughtful idea to give thank you cards to guests, whether they bring gifts or not.  That’s what I did for my 1st wedding.  My impending wedding is actually a renewal of vows, celebrating the 20 years my hubby and I have spent together.  Naturally, because our home is already established, I do not expect or want gifts.  However, I still think it’s a great idea to thank each guest for attending. 🙂

Post # 24
Member
2 posts
Wannabee

View original reply
breadandbutterflies:  I hadn’t considered that possibility before.  I suppose if only a handful of guests do not give gifts while they were aware of everyone else giving one, then yes, they probably would be embarrassed to receive a thank you card.  My only hesitation in not sending them a card would be because I realize that some people want to participate in the celebration but do not have the finances to purchase a gift.  I suppose this would reflect what type of friends and family you have.  For instance, many of my guests are not from affluent backgrounds.  Some of them struggle financially.  So I would say that whether you send a thank you note to all your guests (even those who don’t give gifts) would be an entirely personal choice – not at all dependent on etiquette.

Post # 25
Member
1242 posts
Bumble bee

I wouldn’t send a thank you card to a guest who attended my wedding but didn’t give a gift. The reception is a thank you for guests who attended the ceremony. A thank you card on top of that seems redundant and unnecessary to me.

Post # 26
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2014

We did photo catss with a note under I. We sent to everyone including those who didnt gift. 

to the op on stags they are popular in New England area it’s normal in my circles to have them my hubby had one. 

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