(Closed) Thank you card gift ettiquette?

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
13906 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your reception is the official thank you to your guests, so there’s no need to send another thank you to guests who just gave a card.  And honestly, sending a thank you to people who didn’t give a gift comes off as gift grabby, as if you’re trying to needle them into sending you one.

It is more than appropriate to send thank you cards as you receive gifts.  Thank yous are sent immediately upon receiving the gift to both express your gratitude as well as letting the sender know their gift was received and appreciated.

Post # 3
Member
2868 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I don’t see any issue with it, gets them done faster! I have no clue what ‘etiquette” says though.

Me personally, I would still send them a card thanking them.

Post # 4
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I have no idea what “etiquette” states, but I have been sending thank you cards out as gifts come in and just mentioning how we will use the gift after the wedding in our thank you card. Less to do later, like PP said.

Post # 5
Member
6945 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
JiminyCricket:  I’ve never understood this attitude. So sending people a thank you card just for coming to your wedding is “gift grabby” now? I think it’s a nice thing to do. Unless you write in the card something like “thanks for coming to our wedding and giving us nothing” I don’t see how writing a simple “thank you for celebrating with us!” is inappropriate or wrong. 

Post # 6
Member
13906 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
llevinso:  Because, like I said in my post, the reception is the thank you from the couple for attending the ceremony.  Sending another one comes off as if you’re highlighting that they didn’t send a gift, and, at least in my social circle, would be seen as rude, gift grabby, and inappropriate.

Post # 7
Member
6945 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

View original reply
JiminyCricket:  I see what you’re saying, I just don’t agree with it. I love getting thank you cards! I love mail in general. I just feel like at some point people seem to be looking for things to get offended by. 

Post # 8
Member
13906 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

View original reply
llevinso:  To each her own!  Your social circle is likely different than mine, wihcih is why things are viewed differently.  It’s not as if people are looking to get offended, I think a lot of people have stopped caring about a lot of the more traditional etiquette

Post # 9
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I’m getting married 10/3 too! I’ve been sending thank you notes out for the gifts as we’ve received them (although my fiance has been slacking on the thank you notes to his family!). I want to be sure people know we received their gift, and it will be less thank you notes for us to do when we get back from our honeymoon. I’m not planning to send thank yous to anyone who doesn’t give a gift, and I won’t send second thank yous to the people I’ve already sent them to after the wedding.

Post # 10
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
octoberbride87:  Sending out thank you cards as your gifts come in is the smart thing to do. The sender knows you received it and you have one out of the way! 

As for thank yous for people who attend but don’t gift- that’s a matter of preference. I’m sending thank yous to people who gifted, helped in any way, and flew in. Otherwise, I’m in the “me buying you dinner, drinks & providing entertainment is the thank you for attending” camp. 

Post # 11
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

View original reply
llevinso:  I agree that it’s nice to send thank yous to everyone who attends. For many of my guests it would require less time, effort and money to just send a gift and not come to the wedding!

Post # 12
Member
4226 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

On the table with the wedding favours will be a little thank you for all my guests for attending. I only will write a personalized card for anyone who gives gifts. I know that may sound a little bad, but it’s not like the people who didn’t give gifts arent getting anything. 

Post # 13
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Count me as another person who would definitely interpret a “thank you for coming to our reception” note as a passive-aggressive “suuuuurely you just forgot our gift…didn’t you?” criticism.  OP, I would ask around in your family to see if it is common to send notes to those who attend but do not send a gift, and if it isn’t, I would personally tread lightly there.  (For the record, I always bring–or have sent–a gift, so the scenario of me not bringing a gift and still getting a thank you note is merely hypothetical.)

Post # 14
Member
9391 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
octoberbride87:  You can definitely (and in fact, I believe you’re supposed to) send thank you cards as you get gifts.

The topic ‘Thank you card gift ettiquette?’ is closed to new replies.

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