- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
I was recently married to a wonderful man and now it’s time to send thank you cards. The problem is, I have come across one that is very difficult to write. My father, who has not been a steady part of my life – he only saw my other siblings and I when it was convenient for him and never paid my mom child support, basically you standard “dead beat dad”. When my sister got married about 3 years ago, she had our stepdad give her away, he is a wonderful man and we couldn’t have asked for a better father-figure. But when our dad found out about this, he threw a tantrum and refused to come to her wedding, also banning our three stepbrothers (the sons he has with our stepmom) from going. When my big day came, I wanted my grandfather to give me away, so in order to avoid any tantrums or drama, (and to ensure that my stepbrothers could come) I included him by asking him to usher my grandmother down the aisle to her seat at the beginning of the ceremony, which to my knowledge was fine. The problem came when my husband and I did our “parents dances”. During the first half of my song, I danced with my mom. I asked my stepdad to cut in half way through so that I could finish my dance with him. I heard from numerous people that my dad got up from his table and stomped out of the place making a scene while I was dancing with my stepdad (it was a big place and we had quite a few guests, so luckily I didn’t witness that). My biggest issue is the fact that, aside from people telling me, I had NO idea he was even at my wedding. There are no pictures of him, he didn’t sign our guest book, he didn’t come to me to tell me congratulations, to tell me goodbye, nothing. I haven’t spoken to him since the wedding, which I would never expect that he would call to apologize or offer an explanation to try to smooth things over. Aside from this, we have had MANY issues that I don’t need to go into at this time and after this stunt, I have no desire to speak to him again.
My problem is this, he and his sons live with my grandmother. I am obviously sending her a thank you card with a very nice hand written note inside and I plan to send one to my brothers separately. I’m having a very hard time with what I should send to my dad. I don’t want to be completely rude and spiteful and not send him one (he did give us a card with cash inside) but I also don’t want to be overly nice and make it sound as though what he did was okay. Suggestions?