(Closed) Thank You card help: Monetary Gifts (POLL)

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: What is appropriate for a monetary gift thank you?

    your gift will be helpful in starting our new life together

    we've been saving up for bicycles to ride together this summer, ...

    we've been saving up for a lawn mower since we just moved into a new home

    we recently moved into a new rental home, your gift was helpful in making the house a home

    We've been saving to go on our honeymoon, and plan to add your gift to our savings account

    We've been saving to put a down payment on a home in the future, ...

  • Post # 17
    Member
    9950 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

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    @mrsSonthebeach:  This Bee knows her stuff Etiquette wise… ala Emily Post, you are supposed to be specific … evidently makes the Thank You more personal (just like someone gives you a Coffee Pot and you can say, “we will think of you each morning as we pour our coffee”).

    BUT if the gift was a large amount of cash, might be useful to say you are putting into SAVINGS towards a large “specific” purchase, such as your first home.

    So to answer your Question / Poll… ALL your replies are within the right way to do things.

     

    Post # 18
    Member
    10283 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

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    @mrsSonthebeach:  When you give someone a monetary gift, they get to spend it however they see fit. If that’s buying toiletries at Target or paying their cell phone bill then so be it. 

    Post # 19
    Member
    7899 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

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    @UpstateCait:  Then you should feel darn well comfortable writing that in your thank you note! shouldn’t you?

    Post # 20
    Member
    7899 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

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    @UpstateCait:  And just a few weeks ago therawards a poster complaining that she got a thank you from a bride saying they spent the money on something like their rent or something else rather practicaload daily life expense related, and most Bees were horrified that a wedding gift was so misapplied. Weddingfights are intended to set you up on your married life together in a way distinct form your single life together. But to keep it to the OP’s concern, the most polite thing to do is to tell the givers as specifically as possible how you spent the money, and if you have misgivings about telling someone how you spent it, then you probably shouldn’t have spent it on that. I think there’s no problem with her options that say how she spent it, but technically the generic options, where no mention of how it was spent is made, are not sufficient, etiquette-wise. If you don’t want to follow etiquette, by all means, but you should still be aware of the choice you are making and you should know that there is a more polite way to conduct your correspondence. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    39 posts
    Newbee

    IMO, I think you should write them however you feel fit and what you’re comfortable with.  Personally, when I give a monetary gift, I don’t expect to know what one has spent the gift on and any kind of thank you would suffice.  Now that I think of it, I don’t think I’ve ever received a Thank You from a wedding gift that was hand-written anyway… all were photos with a generic thank you on it, and I was more then happy with those.  Some people are bit more stickler with “etiquette” than I am, though…

    For our TY’s, all I wrote was “Thank you for sharing our special day with us and for the generous gift!”

    Post # 22
    Member
    10283 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

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    @mrsSonthebeach:  No, because I don’t think it’s necessary to go into specifics. I still wrote lovely personalized TY’s but I certainly didn’t take the time to write “Your generous gift allowed us to purchase the juicer that we’ve always wanted”. I don’t know about anyone else but my family and friends would think it was weird that we felt the need to mention that. Big purchases like a house or car or furniture is one thing, a small household appliance is another. Our guests gifts weren’t given with any stipulations. They wanted us to spend it how we see fit. We’re adults afterall. 

    All of these etiquette “rules” are optional. I happen to think that a great deal of them are quite dated. Perhaps this one is included. In today’s day and age, guests are lucky if they even GET a thank you since a lot of couples tend to not even bother. I definitely don’t agree with that but I also don’t think that the bride and groom need to jump through such elaborate hoops just to thank their guests. I wouldn’t feel any more thanked if I received something like the OP’s “A” or any of her other options. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    4192 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

    I didn’t vote, because I think how you reply depends on the age of the gift-giver. My friends would be fine if we spent money towards the honeymoon, on bikes, etc. (One girlfriend told me yesterday- “you should have a honeymoon registry!”) We’re going to New Zealand, and our friends would love it if we spent their gift money there (and we’ll send postcards to those whose gifts go towards that.)

    My parents’ friends wouldn’t be so keen on spending it on the honeymoon. So their cash gifts will be combined towards the new couch fund.

    Post # 24
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    If people didn’t want me to spend wedding money at Target, they could have given me a gift card. My point was it went straight to my checking account. Not a special wedding account. And the first money back out of that was for a Target run and other random things. So maybe their money went to that. Maybe it actually went toward a couch or home furnishings like I said. Or maybe it’s still there. That shouldn’t matter to my guests. What should matter is that I sent them a heartfelt note thanking them for their presence and their presents. 

    Post # 25
    Member
    7899 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

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    @hisgoosiegirl:  And again, that’s your choice, and I never said it’s rude. I only said it’s more polite, which is it since it’s the height of etiquette, to tell your guests how you used their gifts. It’s polite that you sent a thank you, but since the OP asked how she should do hers, she should know that different levels of politeness available to her so taht she can make a fully informed decision.

    Post # 26
    Member
    209 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    i Would be sooooo very honored if I recieved a thank you note indicating that the couple was then able to purchase bicycles to ride together. SOOOO freakin’ cute.

    I agree with brenda.m.fields in that TYs should be as specific as possible.  And I plan to do the same in my own TYs after my wedding 🙂

    Post # 27
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

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    @mrsSonthebeach:  Also, I would be pretty upset if I gave someone a generous cash gift and they spent it on general life stuff at Target.


    Sure implies that you think it would be rude. But then again, you weren’t a guest at my wedding, and I know my guests. And I know (and heard) how happy they were to get our thank-yous and DH and I know that if they got us cash, they would want us to use it in whatever way was best for us. Levels of politeness would never have crossed their minds.

    Post # 28
    Member
    1561 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

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    @mrsSonthebeach:  I think you have a specific idea of what your generous cash gift should be spent on, then you can, you know… just buy them that?  Then you don’t have to worry about what your generous cash gift was spent on.  I feel that makes more sense.  Otherwise, you can’t really dictate what your generous cash gift is spent on.  

    Post # 29
    Member
    7899 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

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    @hisgoosiegirl:  I don’t think that makes it rude in general, but rather that I personally would be disappointed. However, I’d rather learn that than just get back a thank you that didn’t say how the money was spent at all.

    View original reply
    @Lt.Columbo:  I can’t just buy a couple 1/10 of their hotel cost for the honeymoon, or 1/5 of their new couch, or 2/3 of a bicycle. Of course you can’t make demands (although, I’ve definitely gotten monetary gifts in teh past that the gifter earmarked, such as being told by my grandmother that she wanted me to spend my Christmas gift on a new dress, etc), but when money is given for a certain occassion, it is reasonable to expect, if one so wants, that the money will be spent in a way related to that event. If I give someone money at a baby shower, I expect them to spend it on the baby or to put it in savings for him/her. If I give someone money for a birthday, I expect them to spend it on themselves in a self-indulgent way. If I give someone money for high school graduation, I expect them to spend it on, say, college expenses (computer, books, etc.), or if he/she isn’t going to college, on clothing appropriate for the work place, etc.–something to help get the next stage of their life going. I sure don’t want them to spend it on pizza or weed. I of course have no way to track this and can only take the recipient at his/her word when they tell me how the gift was spent, but I would definitely like to know (at least the cover story of) how it was spent.

    Okay, I’m done with this post because we are going in circles. I suggest that the OP be as polite as possible, but any degree of politeness is better than none.

    Post # 30
    Member
    1561 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

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    @mrsSonthebeach:  Sometimes, people can’t afford a new bike right after they get married.  They need food.  And shelter.  And basic needs that aren’t bikes.  This is a great help to give a generous cash gift for, too, no?  

    Post # 31
    Member
    5295 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

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    @mrsSonthebeach:  ah, but you’re missing my point. Because I couldn’t say (or wouldn’t want to say) where the wedding money went, I stayed more general. Because you’re right – most people probably don’t need to read that I spent their money on sunscreen and condoms. But staying general is apparently also not the highest level of politeness.

    I’m damned if I do, and damned if I don’t!

    The topic ‘Thank You card help: Monetary Gifts (POLL)’ is closed to new replies.

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