(Closed) Thank You Card RANT!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
Member
548 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

This would bother me, too.  I got married a few months ago, and got every thank you note written with personal messages that mentioned the gift and most importantly thanking the person or people for celebrating our marriage out in TWO-THREE WEEKS WEEKS.  My wedding may not have been huge, but I wrote at least 80 notes.  And this was all in between teaching two summer classes and going on our five day honeymoon.  It’s really not that hard.  I got so many compliments on my personal notes and how fast they were received.  I know people have more busy lives than mine with me only teaching 2 summer classes, but my classes were morning and evening 35 miles away so I was out of the house two days a week from 630 am until 11 oclock pm, and I’m pretty sure I never wrote any notes on campus.  

I just sent a bridal shower gift, so we’ll see if a thank you appears.

Post # 33
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I feel like some people assume that if they thank you over text or in person that it takes the place of having to write the cards. 

The one that really bothered me happened last year… my cousin in another state was getting married and couldn’t afford a dress so I gave her my white prom dress (which totally worked as a wedding dress). I couldn’t make it to the wedding but I mailed her the dress and have yet to get even a VERBAL thankyou. Now that bothered me (and still does I guess, haha)

Post # 34
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think that is totally rude.  If they want to send the picture card, they could have at least just written a little note that said “hey, thanks for coming- so good to see you.  Thanks for the gift, we can’t wait to spend the money on our honeymoon.”  And that would have sufficed.  Greedy pants.

Post # 35
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@kariface:  That happened with me as well and I was actually in the bridal party, so I was a little annoyed by it. Especially since I spent so much money and time being in the bridal party, I thought that I could have gotten a personalized thank you. 

Post # 36
Member
2780 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think that thank you cards are dying out. More and more people are just thanking their guests in person, which IMO is much more personal then a POS card that I’m just going to toss out. I think region also comes into play alot more then people think.

Post # 37
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

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@Juliepants:  Agreed.

In my friend/family group, not sending a thank you card isn’t an option.  We had friends who had a horrible time with their photographer.  They FINALLY got their pictures back for their thank you cards…I believe that it was just around Christmas.  They were married in June.  My friends and I do a huge Festivus dinner at Swiss Chalet (for the Festivus Special, of course) every Christmas and the lack of thank you cards almost made it to the airing of grievances section- which, given the situation, was maybe mean, so that was rethought. The bride was mortified…especially because people kept making sure that they got their gifts (lots o’ internet purchases).  It was stressful for guests because, for us, it is normal to have the thank yous within 3 months. People thought something had gone horribly wrong. She got them out under 2 weeks after receiving the photos.

If people are sending gifts to your house or if you’re picking them up at the store where you registred, they are not there for you to say thank you to.  We thanked people for the presence at our wedding and had the thank you cards out for gifts 2.5 weeks after the wedding.  

OP: Gross rudeness!  It reflects very poorly on them.

Post # 38
Member
3322 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@ArwenBride:  Re: your friend.  I think what is terrible is not that they didn’t get their pictures back promptly, but that they thought sending guests a photo of themselves was more important then thanking their guests, especially once they started getting inquiries from guests.  That should have been the clue that smacked them upside their heads to think they should just get non-photo thank yous sent out. 

Post # 39
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

View original reply
@andielovesj:  Actually, I tend to agree.  These particular friends (especially the wife) are very thoughtful people, so I was sort of surprised this happened.  I think that because they had paid for the cards, they kind of dug their heels in and as time went on, it got more difficult for them to just send plain cards.  

Completely out of character for both of them.

EDIT: it was actually that experience that convinced me that photo cards weren’t for me.  I’d rather just get the cards done.

Post # 40
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

View original reply
@OliveT:  +1 million

Post # 41
Member
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Yikes, that would rub me the wrong way!

All I know is after our wedding, DH and I sat down and hand wrote thank you cards every night for about a week (we wrote like 4 each night…had to pace ourselves and our hands!). We used a card with one of our photos on it, but hand wrote a message inside.

But on the bright side…at least you got a card…better than nothing right?! Right?!

Post # 42
Hostess
1425 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

It was also ingrained in me to write a personalized thank you note… We wrote tons to get them out in a decent amount of time but there were some that took longer to finish. We used a photo card of us but still wrote personalized messages on the inside.

I also feel that if they take the time out to personally thank you in person or have dinner/some sort of social outing then its fine in lieu of a thank you card.

 

Post # 43
Member
186 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Totally rude. I was IN a wedding (the Maid/Matron of Honor no less!) not only did I get the same exact card that you did – pre printed with stupid pictures of the bride and groom all over the front and a pre printed message on the back. I didn’t even get a card with my Maid/Matron of Honor gift with any sort of personalized sentiment in it. . . she just signed it. . . 

She was a bridezilla. 

Needless to say – we aren’t friends anymore 

(not just because of the Thank You cards . . . but because she’s a b!*^%!)

 

Post # 44
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Those cards annoy the ever-loving crap out of me.  I HATE writing thank you cards- I wasn’t raised writing them, I never wrote them as a child, and writing them as an adult is tedious, time-consuming, expensive, and a little silly, since I know they get read and tossed within days.

That said, stuff you don’t like is part of being a grown up. They’re expected, I know I get snarky when I don’t get one for a gift I give, and I plan to write actual thank you cards for the shower and wedding.  It’ll suck, but it is what it is.  And people who can’t be bothered to do it really annoy me.

Post # 45
Member
1769 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yeah, that does suck. The couple should be able to write a nice message to each guest. At least you know better!

Post # 46
Member
2699 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We got one of these and i laughed out loud at the audacity of a pre printed card with an insert photo of the couple and no mention of the generous gift we gave them. Incidentally this same couple just threw a baby shower for which we bought them a lot of stuff. Yesterday i received a TEXT from the mum to be thanking me for the STUFF we got them. This is exactly why i wrote a long personal msg in a ty card to all our guests specifically citing what they got us.Otherwise its a bit of a slap in the face.

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