Post # 1
All of our friends have been getting married lately, and we have always gone with a gift card or a cheque of a hundred dollars – which I think is quite reasonable. That being said, we have never received a thank-you card or even verbal thanks afterwards.
Now it’s our turn to get married and I’m wondering how many cards to order online. Should I blatantly NOT send certain individuals thank-you cards, so they get it, or rub it in by super-mushy and thanking them too much for a probably smaller gift than what we gave them?
Is it not common-etiquette to even send thanks anymore, or am I over-reacting?
Post # 3
I would plan on sending very polite thank you notes to all of your guests who give you gifts, regardless of the value of the gift. I would order at least the same number of thank-you notes as the number of invitations you ordered, if not more, since it would be easy to make mistakes while hand writing them.
Post # 4
Definitely still send everyone a thank-you note. Let them learn by your example.
Post # 5
Two wrongs don’t make a right- as my mother used to say.
Post # 6
Well, they do have up to a year after the wedding to send them out, so maybe you’ll still receive some?
If they are being rude and just not sending them, however, I wouldn’t stoop to that level, personally. Order enough to make sure that every guest/couple receives one. No need to make anything more or less mushy to prove any points – just be polite and treat others how you would like to be treated.
Post # 7
I ordered the same amount as my invites.
Regardless if we receieve a gift or not I will still be sending out thank you cards to everyone. We will be greatful enough that the guest came to share our day!!!
Post # 8
Haha – You all are so polite! I was definitely leaning towards sending them out regardless, I was just scoping out if it’s something worth being bitter about.
Post # 9
I have the same problem – we don’t get thankyous for maybe half the weddings we attend. I find it appalling! I sent thankyous to everyone who gave us gifts. HOWEVER, I do make an almost unconscious mental note of people who don’t send us thankyous, and keep that in mind in future. For example, if you don’t send us a thankyou, I will send you a card congratulating you on your first baby, but I’m very unlikely to get you a gift. It probably seems petty to some people but I feel like it’s just treating people the way they treat others, while still maintaining my own integrity 🙂
Post # 10
@mrsmongolia: I’ll be the first to admit I’m not perfect. I would probably get some joy just from the thought of them feeling bad when they got my card.
Post # 11
@julies1949: Ditto both your responses! I would do it because it’s the right thing, but I would also feel great knowing my “revenge” was their guilt
Post # 12
@Juliepants: Unfortunately, the you have a year after your wedding is not correct. Guests can send gifts up to one year after the wedding, but you are expected to thank them immediately, or as soon as possible.
Post # 13
OP, take the etiquette high ground and send one to every person who gifts you. But definitely feel free to take mental note, and in the futre give gifts to those who appreciate them.
You wouldn’t want to burden the non-thankers with anymore gifts that they clearly do not want and/or appreciate.