(Closed) Thank you cards…

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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VeroRC:  you can’t combine thank you cards and holiday cards that’s tacky. just send everyone a thank you for sharing in your special day and personalize each one with a message about how much they mean to your lives/how they have impacted your life. It would be great to mention the gift but since you arent sure who gave what exactly just profusely thank them for sharing in your day and they will hopefully assume that means you got their gift if they gave one. 

Post # 3
Member
13889 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

This is tough, because generally, you don’t send thank you cards to people who didn’t give gifts.  The reception is the thank you to people for attending the ceremony, and therefore, sending a thank you card is redundant, assuming you thanked people in person there.  

For many people, receiving a thank you card that is a generic “thanks for coming to my wedding” comes off as gift-grabby because it seems like you’re pointing out that they didn’t give you a gift.

Post # 4
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I think that if you remember something specific about that person being at your wedding, you should mention that. Like

Hey Uncle Jerry!

I wanted to thank you again for giving such a sweet toast the wedding. It meant so much to us that you could be there. Have a wonderful holiday season.

With love, Him and Me

 

OR

Susie and James,

It was so amazing to catch up with you again. Those fireball shots we did were really fun!! Thank you so much for sharing our special day with us.

Love, Him and Me

 

 

Would that work?

Post # 5
Member
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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JiminyCricket:  I disagree, thank you cards should be sent to everyone who attended your wedding regardless of if they gave you a gift or not. They took the time out of their lives to share in your day, they deserve to be thanked. 

Post # 6
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

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BWLE:  The reception is the thank you to your guests for attending your event.  Thank you cards are to thank those that gave you a gift, which is why you specify the gift in the card.  If they didn’t get you a gift you don’t send them a thank you card, since you have already thanked them for coming to your wedding with the reception and a verbal thank you when you made your rounds.

Post # 7
Member
13889 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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BWLE:  A gracious host will thank their guests at the wedding reception.  The reception is the formal thank you to guests for attending the ceremony.  As the PP says, thank you cards are for guests who also gave gifts, which would not have been opened and therefore, the giver wouldn’t have been thanked.   If I received a thank you card for a wedding where I (rudely) didn’t bring a gift, I would assume it was a subtle jab from the bride/groom to point out that I didn’t give them anything.

Post # 8
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

I don’t know. I kind of feel that receptions are so common now (as in everyone has one). So the party after the ceremony is expected. I think that everyone should receive a thank you note for attending the wedding, whether they got you a gift or not. I don’t think that a thank you note to someone who didn’t get you a gift is rude. I don’t think it comes off as gift grabby at all. I think it’s just nice.

Post # 9
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

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acglandorf:  Well the reception should be expected.  It would be incredibly rude to ask people to come watch you get married and then not host anything.  The receiving line or table visits is when you go around and verbally thank everyone for coming, thus why a thank you card for just their attendance is not sent.  But they are sent for the gifts because you have no idea until after the wedding who gave you and gift and what that gift was so it is impossible to thank the gifter at the wedding for the gift.

Post # 10
Member
1578 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

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freckles071611:  I understand that but at every other event that I’ve thrown, whether the person got me a gift or not, I always sent a thank you card for attending. Like graduating college, or my FI’s surprise birthday party or even the halloween party we threw..we always sent thank you notes to everyone who came. It was just a nice thank you for spending that time with us. My grandma came up and looked at dresses with me, I sent a thank you card to her. There was no gift involved there. I just don’t see what the problem is with sending a thank you card to everyone. It’s a nice thing to do, everyone loves getting personal letters in the mail! So why not?  

Post # 11
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

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acglandorf:  Because as a PP said, a lot of times it can be seen as you digging for a gift.

Post # 12
Member
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Sure you don’t have to send one to each of your guests even if they didn’t bring a gift but why would you not want to? I personally wrote very heartfelt sentimental cards to each of my guests, yes it took forever but I had multiple people say how much it meant to them and how nice they were for not being the basic hey thanks for coming, same message in every card.  and you should absouletly send thank you notes to people who travels to your wedding regardless of gift or not. 

i don’t believe you can thank anyone too many times, even if you thanked them in person at the wedding. 

Post # 13
Member
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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freckles071611:  I don’t want to be friends with anyone who considers a heart felt thank you as gift grabby. Yikes. Maybe if I sent one that just said thanks for coming and that was it, but if you share a special moment about you two and the event that was memerable etc. then it’s sentimental. 

Post # 14
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

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BWLE:  I wouldn’t want to send another thank you because I have already thanked them, in person, which to me is better then a card in the mail.

And sorry, but it isn’t just me who think that getting multiple thank yous as coming across gift grabby.  The reception was itself a thank you, then you thanked me in person, then I got a thank you card for coming to an event where I was already thanked twice for attending.  To me that comes across as you poking me for something.  But then again I am not someone who needs a shit ton of thank yous.  One will suffice.  Multiple thank yous, to me, don’t make it that much more heartfelt or meaningful.

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