- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2012 - Southern California
That seems bizarre to me.
I did speak with my friend about her wedding though, and she had a fairly large wedding. I’d say about 200 people. The only people she sent thank you notes to was the ones that sent gifts or cards BECAUSE she didn’t know who attended otherwise. There was no way of knowing whether or not someone showed up so to send them a thank you card if they didn’t even show up would have been rude. That I agree with.
And your second point, is actually a very good one. If I had sent thank you notes to everyone who RSVPd yes, then there would have been a handful to get a thank you note when they actually didn’t come. So lets use this as another reason as to why you should not send thank you notes based just on attendance. Unless you have someone checking off people as they walk into your reception you may have no idea who was a no show. Talk about making someone uncomfortable by receiving a thank you note for their attendance when they didn’t actually attend. It could also be seen that the couple is just sending out blanket cards and really didn’t even notice who their guests were. The only way you may know who truly came is if you have a tiny, under 50 person wedding.
And I don’t think that sending a thank you card is pushing for a gift. We will have to agree to disagree on this.
We are having a marriage celebration back in the states, which I don’t expect to get many gifts from that either since it’s not an actual wedding. However, I will still be sending thank you cards to those who came to celebrate with us. They attend my party, they get a thank you. Simple as that in my book.
Did you have a gift registry? If so, maybe you could contact the store and see if they are able to tell you who purchased which gift. Cash and off-registry gifts are tough, but I don’t see how cash could get separated from a card, as they would be in the same envelope. For off-registry gifts, you could try asking your family members if they remember which person brought a present that was wrapped in blue sparkly paper with a white bow, for example (assuming you even remember the details of the packaging yourself).
ugh why is everything so black and white to some people. things should be situational, the bride knows her guests and can do what she sees fit based on her personal situation. to get back to OP’s original question I would rather run the risk of sending a thank you and -possibly if ur a sensitive sally- looking semi gift grabby to someone who may have not gotten me a gift than not thanking someone who potentially did.
That said- A) Don’t combine your thank yous with Christmas cards. They are two different things. B) If you can find out who gave what, try. If you had a registry the store might be willing to tell you who bought what. (My registry was with BB&B and they had no problem telling me who purchased gifts and even if they were being delivered to us or to the purchaser.) You can ask around. Worst case, then I guess you have to send a thank you to everyone and not mention the gift. For me, though, as a guest I would assume you didn’t get my gift and freak out. You mention the gift not only to show gratitude, but to confirm for the giver that no one made off with your presents, which the Bee has taught me is not uncommon.
so…to answer everyone’s question….no I can’t find out through the registry because well, apparently Hispanic people hardly ever buy things off registries and so nohing has a record of being bought. And second, we had about 60 people at our wedding but only about 15 gifts (and some money) and most everyone was family. Only about 10 friends. So I WANTED to send a Thank You to everyone who did share our day with us. Because really, this wasn’t about the gifts. Those are nice. But it was mostly for celebrating. So no, I don’t think it’s tacky to send EVERYONE a thank you card, regardless if they brought a gift or not.
Really, the reason why I started this post was to get ideas on the wording…
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